Apparently, I'm evil no matter what!
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06-12-2014, 05:29 AM
Apparently, I'm evil no matter what!
This title is not sarcastic! Angry

I have been unemployed for five years this round. Last round was far longer! Angry
Employment agency A did not help very much. They pretty much just told me to browse online!
Agency B told me I needed a certain amount of experience to qualify for their service.
Agency A again years later lets me log in to an account to check for "information" and see if any matches have popped up. That is, until they locked me out once a day.... then once a week... this repeats until I'm not allowed to log in for two months!
I have gone to one of their application fill out deals and filled out one for school cook. The blond gave me a certain time and location after changing the time back and forth repeatedly through her speech, so I asked what the actual time was. She then gave me a time. I went across Houston for two hours and eventually found the building 15 minutes ahead. Went in, and there were Hispanic girls there. I talked to the one on the right who decided to pretend that she didn't know what I was talking about until a few minutes later. She obviously thought I was a moron. I went across to the left, the other windows of glass, and the check list the right side KNEW was there the entire time held up a check list with my name on it. It was crossed out, and she said I was actually late and the interview happened hours ago. I was lied to, and it amused them. The girl left of her was holding in a big, fat smirk as if she were about to burst out laughing! (Bet she would have LOVED to laugh at me for hate sake.

I once went to a crispy cream store that had a huge "hiring" sign in the window. I asked for an ap. and they told me "we're not hiring." It looked like they wanted me to leave. I went to Wendy's, McDonalds and Dairy queen on another street, and they also seemed to want me to leave and never come back. One subway also did this in Houston. These were stores that had employees of the same group each, and nobody else working there. The only one who was out of their ethnic group was one Asian manager.

Speaking of Subway, I was employed there for about two months or so. The work was simple, but the manager treated me like I was a complete moron. He insisted that I never touch the register ever! He hired only his ethnic group there, and fired two crews of HIS OWN people. I had nothing to do with that decision. One girl that got hired called me racist, even though I did absolutely nothing to her but go in and quietly work the usual routine. She also treated me like I was brainless. I then quit and left, knowing what a work place clique felt like. I have counted six interviews for work in my entire life. The longest I've held was in a garage for one year and two months. Machines are there now. I've filled out many applications. Even got made giggled at at a different Wendys, while one on break kept glaring at me.
....................................
Houston college A (central)

I fill out three financial aid forms one semester and start wondering what the hold up is, as all my black peers had gotten theirs tow months in, but everyone else very late. We called the main office that was I another state, and they said they completed their part some time before. The office at the campus eventually sent me an envelope that was going to have a form to fill out. It was completely empty. no sheets or forms. Just one big middle finger.

During this time, I used the bus a lot more. One Hispanic guy stared at me really, really hard, and when he wasn't there a black lady did so. I looked behind me a couple of times with these two, and they were still staring like they were ticked off. Some guy gestured that I get on the bus. He literally gestured a 'lady's first' expression. I said "thanks" and got on. He then went to the back of the bus and then complained for several blocks how he couldn't go anywhere ever without a big racist like me always scowling and treating him like shit. I had only did what he wanted. The passengers believed every word and looked at me pissed off accordingly.

Later on, another guy got on, yelled "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!" as I simply looked for a seat, and then preached in my face that his race was prettier than me and more superior till he got off in downtown. Later on, I was just looking at a picture book, when ANOTHER male told me I should have ridden in my rich husband's limo, stop taking room around the poor little peasants and enjoy my "rich, palace status" (which I never experienced) and that I leech off of the world, basically. (Sure, it's true that any regular looking person can be rich, this was clearly aimed at my genetics.) 9/11 Happened around this time, and nobody told me why we were washing all the dishes and leaving early. After that, I was ridiculed by the students! I had gotten sick with the flu for a week and didn't want to spread it into the food. When I started going back to class, one snidely and angrily would ask me every morning. "Hi, Lienda! (exaggerated happy tone) FEELING BETTER TODAY!? (pissy tone)" One of the boys decided to give me the dumbie treatment, and a girl yelled "STOP STARING AT ME! ARE YOU SOME KIND OF RETARD?!"

College B

I consider health career at this one college that was close to my apartment. the information desk ignored me, didn't greet me while I was right there before then, but then greeted a guy immediately when he walked up. He didn't say a word and they were like "HI! Smile What do you need?" I then asked where the library was, because it usually has books. The girl told me all the library books were on computers, and she wasn't smiling. It was more like she was saying "Get lost, bitch." Ran into one girl, but couldn't apologize in any volume that went over her shouting loud enough for five blocks in pure anger. (Again, not my ethnic group either.)

Two white guys were in my one class, but they didn't seem to like me very much. One of the would roll his eyes if I looked his direction. The text book wasn't very good either. We eventually got into groups for a group project, but one girl felt the need to move to a different one. She rolled her eyes to at least once. I got what little I could find on the subject, and printed out pages from an encyclopedia I owned. The two girls we now had started saying things I couldn't understand. All I got out of it was the word "red," but then the one on the left looked at me while talking to the other and said something like "that's what you gotta do with these ones." I got up and said "apparently, I have nothing to offer." Dropped the class.
................
I was bullied in public school as a child, and lacked certain social skills. I never got the instructions I had needed to learn socializing either. I was also one out of three blonds in the school. My hair was made fun of from time to time, and "dumb and ugly" was the theme.
............
I was pulled over by a cop for passing. She pulled the race card to. Drug raid? Oh. My Grandma had that happen once. She's not a druggie. They just charged into her house with pistols, and she told them "wrong building." Oh wait, my genetic traits disprove her existence, right?
.......
Too shy? Blame finger.
Talk to myself? Blame finger.
Food took a while to serve? Blame finger.
Mistakes? Blame finger.
Someone else's joblessness? Blame finger.
So and so doing something bad? Blame finger (and now we get threats to)
Poverty? Blame finger.
Hair color? Blame finger.
Someone else's speeding ticket? Blame finger.
Someone else parking over the line and taking up space? Blame finger.
Crime? (The irony!) Blame finger.
They get bullied or glared at by someone? Blame finger
Should I breath and get the blame finger pointed at me for tainting the oxygen supply to?

And now three podcasts that I had enjoyed are pointing that same finger, while at the same time ordering me to serve.
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06-12-2014, 06:51 AM
RE: Apparently, I'm evil no matter what!
Leinda, you seem to take offense a lot to what people say or do or don't do. And regardless of whether you are racist or not, you obviously feel race has something to do with your current situation as you immediately notice people's ethnic groups and feel that they are excluding you because you are not ethnically the same.

I think, from my point of view, it looks mostly like miscommunication, and specifically I do think that the issue is yours to sort out. I know that people blame you for your problems all the time... From me, it's not intended as blame, it's... identifying where the problem lies, so that you can take steps to fix it.

Other people manage to get on with people fine, right? So the fact that you struggle - whether it was because you were bullied or for any other reason - you are the one who has to find ways to socialise. It's hard. I know, I suck at it. But fact that you're not good at it now doesn't mean other people will make allowances for you - you have to learn, not to fit in, but to communicate.

It can be done. Takes time too... worth it though.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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06-12-2014, 12:35 PM
RE: Apparently, I'm evil no matter what!
Thanks for your concern. Smile

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06-12-2014, 12:47 PM
RE: Apparently, I'm evil no matter what!
Hugs Lienda. I sure hope that things get easier for you. You are always welcome here. Heart

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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06-12-2014, 12:57 PM
RE: Apparently, I'm evil no matter what!
'hugs' Smile
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06-12-2014, 01:02 PM
RE: Apparently, I'm evil no matter what!
Society and social attitudes can be really tough.
Perhaps you can do much better than some of the rejects suggest?

Not easy, but try not to get too dejected over things.
Sometimes an enforced change of personal attitude helps.
Hang-:on in there!Thumbsup
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06-12-2014, 01:33 PM
RE: Apparently, I'm evil no matter what!
Well, that was a hell of a rant! Thumbsup
I think it's good to get it all out; when that kind of frustration has no where to go, it can become oppressive and then depressive... not a good place to be when trying so hard just to maintain.

Adding up and then dwelling on the slights and slurs can wreak further havoc. It can just make the bad and the percieved bad feel as if it's out to get us, when it's really just a thing we build up in our own minds as a defense mechanism.

One has to push through it ... and find a place of just putting it all out there ... and then ... just letting it all go.

After that, it becomes, "I start from now" - no looking back.
Hug
Get through it LB and if being here and getting it out isn't quite enough to get you to now or at least to letting go of some of that, then find a good psychologist to help. Dont bother with a councillor or therapist, they can be like the blind leading the blind ... uh ... kind of like us. Dodgy

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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06-12-2014, 07:06 PM (This post was last modified: 06-12-2014 07:09 PM by Lienda Bella.)
RE: Apparently, I'm evil no matter what!
Yes, the social parts are in my brain, kind of, and I dwell on little things. My voice tends to make people think I'm a bitch or something to. Heh. I wish everyone had a happy word, but alas. Thanks again.
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06-12-2014, 09:24 PM
RE: Apparently, I'm evil no matter what!
How you present yourself to a prospective employer is what creates the first impression. If you have facial piercings, remove them. No low cut blouses or anything with advertising, no jeans.
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06-12-2014, 09:50 PM
RE: Apparently, I'm evil no matter what!
I try to resist being a dick when possible.
That being said, after reading your previous posts, I can't help wondering why people take an almost immediate disliking to you.
You seem to be the common denominator in all your bad interactions with other humans.
Perhaps an introspective look is in order.
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