Are you afraid of love?
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02-09-2014, 01:27 PM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(02-09-2014 01:24 PM)Deidre32 Wrote:  
(02-09-2014 01:06 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  Didn't you start a thread about this like 3 or 4 weeks ago?

Anyways, I've always treated the word love different from everybody else I know. I've been with my girlfriend for 3.5 years (minus a 1.5 month break up) and I've never told her I love her (she said she loved me after 3 or 4 months). To me, love = I can't imagine life without you. I've been in love twice before...got cheat on by one, and had to deal with losing the life of another. I don't regret my past, but it probably is affecting me still. I'm not afraid of love...I just don't want to lie. I want to be in love, but I feel like even the meaning/feeling of love might be changing for me as I grow older, if that makes sense.

No, I started a thread asking what a deal breaker is for people in dating situations etc...

You were cheated on, and I just can't help but feel that if getting hurt is a potential possibility...why not just date and not get too close?

Thanks for your input.

You go outside with the potential of getting hit by a car. Why risk that? Because life locked in your house to avoid the danger would be miserable. Life is about the risk. If you stay super guarded your whole life you're going to miss out on all the great stuff. Seriously.
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02-09-2014, 01:27 PM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(02-09-2014 12:51 PM)WeAreTheCosmos Wrote:  I'm afraid of finding "the one" and falling in love... Because I feel like I'd never be able to give the love of my life everything they deserve; mostly because I'm an underachieving loser, but also because of my dark side that must never surface.

You are funny. You have that going for you?

Wait you are joking right? Ohmy

Be true to yourself. Heart
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02-09-2014, 01:36 PM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(02-09-2014 01:27 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  
(02-09-2014 01:24 PM)Deidre32 Wrote:  No, I started a thread asking what a deal breaker is for people in dating situations etc...

You were cheated on, and I just can't help but feel that if getting hurt is a potential possibility...why not just date and not get too close?

Thanks for your input.

You go outside with the potential of getting hit by a car. Why risk that? Because life locked in your house to avoid the danger would be miserable. Life is about the risk. If you stay super guarded your whole life you're going to miss out on all the great stuff. Seriously.

That's very true and maybe I'm not afraid of going outside because I do it often. I date a lot but hesitate to get too close and then...off to the next guy. Thus, never working on moving past it.

This is helpful. :-) TY!

Be true to yourself. Heart
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02-09-2014, 01:38 PM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(02-09-2014 01:36 PM)Deidre32 Wrote:  
(02-09-2014 01:27 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  You go outside with the potential of getting hit by a car. Why risk that? Because life locked in your house to avoid the danger would be miserable. Life is about the risk. If you stay super guarded your whole life you're going to miss out on all the great stuff. Seriously.

That's very true and maybe I'm not afraid of going outside because I do it often. I date a lot but hesitate to get too close and then...off to the next guy. Thus, never working on moving past it.

This is helpful. :-) TY!

I'm not saying get super close to every guy you date. But if you find someone who you would like to get closer to, don't be afraid to do it! It could end awful, or it could be amazing Big Grin
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02-09-2014, 01:49 PM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(02-09-2014 01:27 PM)Deidre32 Wrote:  
(02-09-2014 12:51 PM)WeAreTheCosmos Wrote:  I'm afraid of finding "the one" and falling in love... Because I feel like I'd never be able to give the love of my life everything they deserve; mostly because I'm an underachieving loser, but also because of my dark side that must never surface.

You are funny. You have that going for you?

Wait you are joking right? Ohmy

I wish I were joking.
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02-09-2014, 02:00 PM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(02-09-2014 01:49 PM)WeAreTheCosmos Wrote:  
(02-09-2014 01:27 PM)Deidre32 Wrote:  You are funny. You have that going for you?

Wait you are joking right? Ohmy

I wish I were joking.

I hate that term "loser." You're not a loser.

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02-09-2014, 02:18 PM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(02-09-2014 11:22 AM)Deidre32 Wrote:  Is anyone afraid of love and commitment? I broke up with my recent bf because he seemed interested in marriage. We weren't together all that long but I was falling in love. And it frightened me.

I date a lot...not afraid of that. But when things look to be progressing towards love...I sabotage the relationship somehow. Some way.

Wondering if you do feel this way or have in the past and how did you overcome it? Do we need love? Consider

Hell yeah, I'm afraid of love. Love is as dangerous as it awesome, and that's why it's compared to drugs. Shy

I may be young, but I remember the first person I actually fell in love with, and how traumatized I was by the pain when they left me. I've only said "I love you" to three people (NOT including my mom, before anyone makes a fucking joke. Lol.) The first, not knowing what love really was, and just assuming you were supposed to say that if you cared about someone or something. I didn't realize there was a difference between loving someone, and being in love with them, at the time.

The second person I said those words to, I still to this day refer to them as my first true love. I've never been completely entangled in every fiber of another human being. As cheesy as that sounds, everything about this person and the time we spent together was something from a film. It was a roller coaster I never wanted to get off of, and although I'm now aware of the consequences and pain I would have to endure as the roller coaster ended, I'm afraid to say I would still go back in time and relive that roller coaster once more (maybe more than once), just because it was a thrill like no other.

The day that person left my life, I had the hallucination of being sucked down into a cyclone a drowning. I've never felt that sad. I've never felt that lifeless. I literally, at one point, believed that person was my reason to live, and without them I had no reason to live.

In the end, love is great. It's beautiful and thrilling and awesome. We, as human beings, require social stimulation and affection (of some sort- not necessarily love but just affection in general; "praise, compliments, closeness") to be happy and content. However, when torn from you, love can make you think very irrationally. It can drag you down into deep pits of depression and anger. It can cause you to do, say, and think really irrational things. Not only that, but love can also cause YOU to hurt other people- sometimes emotionally, sometimes with an ax... But usually emotionally. Even I have experienced having to leave a person who cared for me more dearly than I cared for them.

Love is always a win/lose game, in my opinion.
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02-09-2014, 02:42 PM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
Ferdinand, your post hits home ...I think a lot like you on this topic.
I'm sad today over all this for some reason today. I'll write more later, I'm at work now.

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02-09-2014, 02:54 PM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(02-09-2014 02:42 PM)Deidre32 Wrote:  Ferdinand, your post hits home ...I think a lot like you on this topic.
I'm sad today over all this for some reason today. I'll write more later, I'm at work now.

Thank you. I think there's a difference between commitment issues (not wanting to stick with one relationship, job, etc. because of factors like stress, boredom, etc.) and simply being afraid of getting serious with people for fear of how everything will end.

Sure, that's a pretty pessimistic expectation of things, because I know sometimes love can work out, and you could end up being with that person for the rest of your life. However, and I hate to be even more pessimistic, but this day in time people don't care about relationships and marriages as much as they did many years ago. I hate that I have to grow up in a time period that nobody gives a fuck about their significant other. I know of very few couples that grew old together. My mom is a maid and works for a lovely older couple. The lady in her late 80's, the husband in his early 90's until he died around a month ago. The two had been married since they finished high school together. You just don't find things like that as often anymore.

I don't necessarily think cynically about every aspect of relationships and love, though. I don't go into a relationship fearing how it will end or how I will feel when/if it does end. I go into a relationship willing to take the risk to see what that person can offer me. I risk it possibly ending badly, because if I didn't risk it, I wouldn't know if that person could make me happy, and if that person could make me happy, I wouldn't be able to experience how happy that person could make me.

Sometimes the happiness is temporary, but even if the happiness is temporary, it's another chapter of experiences, memories and opportunities that build and define you as a person. Without taking risks, you miss out on so much.
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02-09-2014, 03:08 PM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(02-09-2014 01:24 PM)Deidre32 Wrote:  No, I started a thread asking what a deal breaker is for people in dating situations etc...

You were cheated on, and I just can't help but feel that if getting hurt is a potential possibility...why not just date and not get too close?

Thanks for your input.

Hmm, well in all fairness, my first love who cheated on me...it was an abusive relationship from her to me. She was extremely manipulative and emotionally abusive. But we were just kids, it was all part of the learning experience. I'm grateful for the experience, because now I know how to recognize signs of manipulation and abuse immediately and I don't put up with that crap.

At this point, I'm confident that a woman who I provide my affection to will get so addicted (to me) and be so happy that she would not cheat on me. Big Grin. Honestly, I can't imagine somebody cheating on me. The level of openness I have in my relationships allows me to say that with confidence.

But even if she did...I would just have to evaluate the situation and decide whether or not to move on.

Relationships, like any other skill, get easier the more experience you have with them (at least for me). I try to take everything I learn to apply it next time (while keeping in mind that many things do NOT translate well from person to person). I won't just give up because I failed once.

One way I look at relationships,work,school,etc is...instead of being afraid of failure, I will just do my best, and if I fail then so-be-it. I will learn, and do better next time. With this attitude, I rarely fail, but when it happens, I don't let it phase me too much.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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