Are you afraid of love?
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05-09-2014, 09:41 PM (This post was last modified: 05-09-2014 09:54 PM by DLJ.)
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(05-09-2014 08:45 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  ... You should be more afraid of never experiencing love and commitment.

Nah! Nothing to be afraid of. I just takes a bit of getting used to the idea that 'belonging' isn't for everyone.

It's fine once you come to terms with it.

Yes

ps...
(05-09-2014 08:46 PM)Nurse Wrote:  ... next guy I marry is for money.

Consider
my kinda gal
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05-09-2014, 09:59 PM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(05-09-2014 08:46 PM)Nurse Wrote:  That being said, if we get divorced, next guy I marry is for money.

Oh I see.
  • Nurse
  • Some lady
  • Some other Lady
  • Another lady

Big Grin

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05-09-2014, 10:04 PM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(05-09-2014 09:20 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(05-09-2014 09:11 PM)Deidre32 Wrote:  Wow what? 30 years? That's really something. Congrats!
How did you make it work all these years?

By not trying to make it work. It just happened.

My parents once told me, in what seemed only to be mostly in jest, that the magic words in a relationship were "good enough"...

... this is my signature!
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05-09-2014, 10:10 PM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(05-09-2014 10:04 PM)cjlr Wrote:  
(05-09-2014 09:20 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  By not trying to make it work. It just happened.

My parents once told me, in what seemed only to be mostly in jest, that the magic words in a relationship were "good enough"...

Lol @ "mostly" Big Grin
Hmmmmm....

Be true to yourself. Heart
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05-09-2014, 10:32 PM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(05-09-2014 09:41 PM)DLJ Wrote:  
(05-09-2014 08:45 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  ... You should be more afraid of never experiencing love and commitment.

Nah! Nothing to be afraid of. I just takes a bit of getting used to the idea that 'belonging' isn't for everyone.

It's fine once you come to terms with it.

Yea, true. Not everyone's the "marrying kind." :-)
Does anyone in your life ever judge you for your current choices? Like how u view things now?

Be true to yourself. Heart
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05-09-2014, 10:49 PM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(05-09-2014 09:59 PM)Logisch Wrote:  
(05-09-2014 08:46 PM)Nurse Wrote:  That being said, if we get divorced, next guy I marry is for money.

Oh I see.
  • Nurse
  • Some lady
  • Some other Lady
  • Another lady

Big Grin

LOL

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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05-09-2014, 10:57 PM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(05-09-2014 08:46 PM)Nurse Wrote:  I haven't replied to this thread because I am so... conflicted. My world has been completely turned upside down. I quit my job in May after completely burning out. I finally had time to "think".... and drink, a lot. The last bit of my grasp on my religion fell through my fingers. My husband is a Christian.

We met my first night out in college. I had spent the entire week doing sorority rush with 1000 women and small talk (gag) and needed to be around men. So, off to fraternity row I went. I met him that night. I kinda sort barely remember it. We saw each other again a few nights later at another party, and he got my number. We went on a lousy first date. At the end of the night I went in for a goodnight hug (nice enough guy, we could be friends) and he thought I was going in for a kiss. So he kissed me on the chin.... Whoops! Turns out he was actually a great kisser and had the balls to kiss me immediately after the rather embarrassing miss. For the first football game he needed a date, and I thought it'd be fun to sit in the fraternity section, so I agreed. Apparently I'd lost my Tiger Card and couldn't get in. He stayed out of the first game of the year with me, we drank at the house, and had the best time ever. We've hit it off ever since. I pretty much lived with him in college and just told my parents I was staying at my apartment to keep up appearances (fundamentalists). I actually quit college shortly before he graduated, and we got married to keep up appearances for our families. Premarital sex? Oh my!

My husband has been instrumental in helping me heal from the psychological abuse I endured as a child (first time my (step)dad told me he loved me was when I was 13.. My last whipping was at 14 when I refused to tell mom happy Mother's Day because she had been so horrid that morning - my brother had just been kicked out of the house so they were also pissed at him for not calling), drug use, and two separate rapes. I have a lot of trouble understanding my emotions and am very guarded. With him, it's like I can feel. I don't know how to say that differently. He is quite literally the best thing that has ever happened to me. I wasn't looking for a relationship, and I was actually agnostic when we met. I tried out Pascals Wager (mostly for him) and, well, I'm here as an atheist, so you see how that worked (check out my dead to me post if you want to understand my deconversion better). And there is my problem. I am so completely in love with this man. We have a beautiful, loving, intelligent child. I told him I'm an atheist at the beginning of June. We have had a mutual agreement of not discussing the topic of my deconversion to prevent fights. In the past several years we have only gone to church for Easter and Christmas. In the past two months he's decided to start taking our son to church, gets mad when I correct his inane Christian ramblings to our son with factual information backed up by science, and then on Monday he dropped the bomb. "I don't know who you are anymore. I don't know how this is going to work." I don't see my family that much anymore, either, so that doesn't help. I commute out of state for work now and sleep at home 1-3 nights a week.

If you would have asked me 6 months ago if I'm afraid of love, I would have said hell no and that it's worth it. Right now, I'm afraid I'm about to lose everything. I haven't felt this vulnerable in years - it fucking sucks. I think even if he leaves me I'd still say it's worth it. I've certainly become a better person with him by my side. That being said, if we get divorced, next guy I marry is for money.

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05-09-2014, 11:11 PM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(05-09-2014 10:32 PM)Deidre32 Wrote:  Yea, true. Not everyone's the "marrying kind." :-)
Does anyone in your life ever judge you for your current choices? Like how u view things now?

If they do, I fire them.

Not really, I need criticism. That's why I'm on TTA for example: to challenge any preconceptions I still have left.

Some christians I know struggle to come to terms with my living arrangements (my muslim friends and colleagues are less uptight) but once I explained that that was their problem not mine, they started to think (not always approve but at least they started to actually think).

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06-09-2014, 12:16 AM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
I had to think about this today in my current mindset.

I have to say, "I don't know." I think I'm not afraid of love, but I'm afraid of the change that comes with time. 2 divorces now, both started great, one ended terrible, the other went out with a whimper. However, the result was much the same... things drifted apart, people changed, and compatibility was no longer there.

So I think it isn't that I'm afraid to love someone, I think I'm afraid to get married again. I sort of have this thought of, "Do I really NEED marriage?" I don't really know if it's necessary, and I don't think at this point in my life that I see it as something that is necessary for love.

So with that said, I'm open to love, and I'm open to relationships and I'm even open to a healthy and dedicated relationship. However, the thought of going through the, "Let's split our shit because we're different people now a decade later." is a terrifying thought. Commit to a relationship? Sure. Commit to a legally binding contract? Perhaps not so much.

Anyway... that's how I feel about it now anyway. Not sure how I'll feel about it in a month, a year, or a decade.

(open to opinions on that, and welcome responses, by the way)

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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06-09-2014, 12:19 AM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(06-09-2014 12:16 AM)Logisch Wrote:  I had to think about this today in my current mindset.

I have to say, "I don't know." I think I'm not afraid of love, but I'm afraid of the change that comes with time. 2 divorces now, both started great, one ended terrible, the other went out with a whimper. However, the result was much the same... things drifted apart, people changed, and compatibility was no longer there.

So I think it isn't that I'm afraid to love someone, I think I'm afraid to get married again. I sort of have this thought of, "Do I really NEED marriage?" I don't really know if it's necessary, and I don't think at this point in my life that I see it as something that is necessary for love.

So with that said, I'm open to love, and I'm open to relationships and I'm even open to a healthy and dedicated relationship. However, the thought of going through the, "Let's split our shit because we're different people now a decade later." is a terrifying thought. Commit to a relationship? Sure. Commit to a legally binding contract? Perhaps not so much.

Anyway... that's how I feel about it now anyway. Not sure how I'll feel about it in a month, a year, or a decade.

(open to opinions on that, and welcome responses, by the way)

Given your situation and how new it is, I think the way you are feeling is totally understandable.

You need some time - it's only been a couple of months...big life change takes some time to sort out in your head.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat

Are my Chakras on straight?
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