Are you afraid of love?
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06-09-2014, 12:20 AM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
Worth mentioning as well, I think about what a lot of women at my age want (kids) and I don't think I want them. I hate to admit it, but I'm selfish with my hobbies. I'm enjoying the things I do, greatly enjoy that freedom and I keep hearing people say, "You'll just never be happy till you have a family." but I don't feel like I want/need that. So I also think finding someone who is in the same boat is probably exceptionally rare, so perhaps I'm also just doomed to go down that road on my own LOL. I mean, not to mention, most people seem to start families in their 20s... I am not sure how much fun that would be in my 30s.

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06-09-2014, 12:22 AM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(06-09-2014 12:19 AM)Anjele Wrote:  
(06-09-2014 12:16 AM)Logisch Wrote:  I had to think about this today in my current mindset.

I have to say, "I don't know." I think I'm not afraid of love, but I'm afraid of the change that comes with time. 2 divorces now, both started great, one ended terrible, the other went out with a whimper. However, the result was much the same... things drifted apart, people changed, and compatibility was no longer there.

So I think it isn't that I'm afraid to love someone, I think I'm afraid to get married again. I sort of have this thought of, "Do I really NEED marriage?" I don't really know if it's necessary, and I don't think at this point in my life that I see it as something that is necessary for love.

So with that said, I'm open to love, and I'm open to relationships and I'm even open to a healthy and dedicated relationship. However, the thought of going through the, "Let's split our shit because we're different people now a decade later." is a terrifying thought. Commit to a relationship? Sure. Commit to a legally binding contract? Perhaps not so much.

Anyway... that's how I feel about it now anyway. Not sure how I'll feel about it in a month, a year, or a decade.

(open to opinions on that, and welcome responses, by the way)

Given your situation and how new it is, I think the way you are feeling is totally understandable.

You need some time - it's only been a couple of months...big life change takes some time to sort out in your head.

Yeah but the thing is it doesn't feel like a big life change really. I mean, I'm quite happy doing the things I'm doing now. Perhaps though if I'm understanding what you're saying is my hesitation is normal given recent experiences.

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06-09-2014, 10:00 AM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(06-09-2014 12:20 AM)Logisch Wrote:  Worth mentioning as well, I think about what a lot of women at my age want (kids) and I don't think I want them. I hate to admit it, but I'm selfish with my hobbies. I'm enjoying the things I do, greatly enjoy that freedom and I keep hearing people say, "You'll just never be happy till you have a family." but I don't feel like I want/need that. So I also think finding someone who is in the same boat is probably exceptionally rare, so perhaps I'm also just doomed to go down that road on my own LOL. I mean, not to mention, most people seem to start families in their 20s... I am not sure how much fun that would be in my 30s.

Just do what makes you happy. If everyone is so happy being married, why is the divorce rate so high? Hmmmm...

Something to note though, there's less divorce amongst atheists than Christians. (both partners are atheist)

In other news....I have a date tonight. Big Grin

Maybe that will be my first question, so yea um...do you want to get married?

(He runs out of the restaurant)

Laugh out load

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06-09-2014, 10:05 AM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(06-09-2014 10:00 AM)Deidre32 Wrote:  Just do what makes you happy. If everyone is so happy being married, why is the divorce rate so high? Hmmmm...

Something to note though, there's less divorce amongst atheists than Christians. (both partners are atheist)

In other news....I have a date tonight. Big Grin

Maybe that will be my first question, so yea um...do you want to get married?

(He runs out of the restaurant)

Laugh out load

Well... I contribute the potential of my divorces to change. Likely due to age. I'm not that old, I'm almost 30, but not quite there. My first marriage I was very young. We were both pretty naive.

The second one we thought we had it figured out and things went on, but low and behold, in your mid to late 20s you still do a ton of changing. I've noticed that people in their 30s and 40s do some changing, but tend to be a bit more solid in what they've learned and moved from.

I wonder if a large part of it was simply that we changed so much.

That said... Can happily say that communication and open discussion was far better in a non-religious relationship than my first (which we were both religious in the first marriage). Our ideas on things were vastly different and overall I was very very happy in my second marriage. While we eventually just didn't click and changed a lot and needed to move on, I can still describe it as some of the best years I've had. I'm OK with that.

Hindsight being 20/20, I would have a very hard time dating someone who was religious.

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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06-09-2014, 10:18 AM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(06-09-2014 10:05 AM)Logisch Wrote:  
(06-09-2014 10:00 AM)Deidre32 Wrote:  Just do what makes you happy. If everyone is so happy being married, why is the divorce rate so high? Hmmmm...

Something to note though, there's less divorce amongst atheists than Christians. (both partners are atheist)

In other news....I have a date tonight. Big Grin

Maybe that will be my first question, so yea um...do you want to get married?

(He runs out of the restaurant)

Laugh out load

Well... I contribute the potential of my divorces to change. Likely due to age. I'm not that old, I'm almost 30, but not quite there. My first marriage I was very young. We were both pretty naive.

The second one we thought we had it figured out and things went on, but low and behold, in your mid to late 20s you still do a ton of changing. I've noticed that people in their 30s and 40s do some changing, but tend to be a bit more solid in what they've learned and moved from.

I wonder if a large part of it was simply that we changed so much.

That said... Can happily say that communication and open discussion was far better in a non-religious relationship than my first (which we were both religious in the first marriage). Our ideas on things were vastly different and overall I was very very happy in my second marriage. While we eventually just didn't click and changed a lot and needed to move on, I can still describe it as some of the best years I've had. I'm OK with that.

Hindsight being 20/20, I would have a very hard time dating someone who was religious.

Toooootally agree about the religious part. I will only date men who are atheists now. I'm a former Christian, and just don't want religion in my life, in any way. It has to be hard to not be able to share your whole self with someone who is religious.

The guy I'm meeting up for dinner tonight is an atheist. We met a few weeks ago at a party and he called me today. We shall see...
Smile

So youuuuu are responsible for the divorce stats going up hmmmm?
Jk! Lol Tongue

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06-09-2014, 10:20 AM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(06-09-2014 10:18 AM)Deidre32 Wrote:  
(06-09-2014 10:05 AM)Logisch Wrote:  Well... I contribute the potential of my divorces to change. Likely due to age. I'm not that old, I'm almost 30, but not quite there. My first marriage I was very young. We were both pretty naive.

The second one we thought we had it figured out and things went on, but low and behold, in your mid to late 20s you still do a ton of changing. I've noticed that people in their 30s and 40s do some changing, but tend to be a bit more solid in what they've learned and moved from.

I wonder if a large part of it was simply that we changed so much.

That said... Can happily say that communication and open discussion was far better in a non-religious relationship than my first (which we were both religious in the first marriage). Our ideas on things were vastly different and overall I was very very happy in my second marriage. While we eventually just didn't click and changed a lot and needed to move on, I can still describe it as some of the best years I've had. I'm OK with that.

Hindsight being 20/20, I would have a very hard time dating someone who was religious.

Toooootally agree about the religious part. I will only date men who are atheists now. I'm a former Christian, and just don't want religion in my life, in any way. It has to be hard to not be able to share your whole self with someone who is religious.

The guy I'm meeting up for dinner tonight is an atheist. We met a few weeks ago at a party and he called me today. We shall see...
Smile

So youuuuu are responsible for the divorce stats going up hmmmm?
Jk! Lol Tongue

Yep! Twice! LOL.

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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06-09-2014, 10:23 AM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(06-09-2014 10:20 AM)Logisch Wrote:  
(06-09-2014 10:18 AM)Deidre32 Wrote:  Toooootally agree about the religious part. I will only date men who are atheists now. I'm a former Christian, and just don't want religion in my life, in any way. It has to be hard to not be able to share your whole self with someone who is religious.

The guy I'm meeting up for dinner tonight is an atheist. We met a few weeks ago at a party and he called me today. We shall see...
Smile

So youuuuu are responsible for the divorce stats going up hmmmm?
Jk! Lol Tongue

Yep! Twice! LOL.

If only I were a few decades younger and childless...sigh...Blush

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

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06-09-2014, 11:06 AM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(06-09-2014 10:20 AM)Logisch Wrote:  
(06-09-2014 10:18 AM)Deidre32 Wrote:  Toooootally agree about the religious part. I will only date men who are atheists now. I'm a former Christian, and just don't want religion in my life, in any way. It has to be hard to not be able to share your whole self with someone who is religious.

The guy I'm meeting up for dinner tonight is an atheist. We met a few weeks ago at a party and he called me today. We shall see...
Smile

So youuuuu are responsible for the divorce stats going up hmmmm?
Jk! Lol Tongue

Yep! Twice! LOL.

You probably learned a lot about yourself. Always a good thing.
Smile

You enjoy being a bachelor now?
(06-09-2014 10:23 AM)Anjele Wrote:  
(06-09-2014 10:20 AM)Logisch Wrote:  Yep! Twice! LOL.

If only I were a few decades younger and childless...sigh...Blush

Hug

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06-09-2014, 11:11 AM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(06-09-2014 11:06 AM)Deidre32 Wrote:  You probably learned a lot about yourself. Always a good thing.
Smile

You enjoy being a bachelor now?

You know, to be honest, I kind of do. By the time my second marriage was over, it sort of felt like we were room mates. I think that's probably a good thing, instead of it ending in bitterness, resentment and hate towards each other.

I am incredibly passionate about my hobbies and have since been pursuing them heavily. I hope to have my most recent car restoration on the road by summer, or the summer after. I've been flying a lot, working harder at work for a promotion... and sometimes I dance around in my underwear like on risky business while cooking eggs and bacon and no one can tell me that I can't, so life is pretty OK for now. Laugh out load

At the same time, a companion would be great. Someone to enjoy the journey with, nothing super serious, just company. But I don't see it as necessary or a staple.

I hope your date goes well! Sounds like it should be fun!

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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06-09-2014, 11:12 AM
RE: Are you afraid of love?
(06-09-2014 10:23 AM)Anjele Wrote:  
(06-09-2014 10:20 AM)Logisch Wrote:  Yep! Twice! LOL.

If only I were a few decades younger and childless...sigh...Blush

Awww but you're still my hero!

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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