As a parent, what was it like to find out your child is transgender?
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29-06-2017, 05:31 AM
RE: As a parent, what was it like to find out your child is transgender?
Emma is it you or your kid who's transgender?
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29-06-2017, 06:17 AM
RE: As a parent, what was it like to find out your child is transgender?
(28-06-2017 01:54 PM)Emma Wrote:  I know at least one of you knows what it's like. For the rest of you, how do you think you would react if one of your children told you they were trans? What if your significant other did?

The people that my wife and I are now could handle it okay I think, our worries would be entirely about making sure that our child felt accepted in our family and in the community. We would be reaching out to the LGBTQ community a lot for help, because quite frankly the first thing we'd realize is that we wouldn't know what to do.

The people that my wife and I were 20 years ago, wouldn't have handled things well at all, and it would have lead to the end of our marriage, I would hope that we would both have been mature enough to avoid emotionally scaring our child for life.

A friend in the hole

"If we're going to be damned, let's be damned for what we really are." - Captain Picard
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29-06-2017, 07:33 AM
RE: As a parent, what was it like to find out your child is transgender?
(29-06-2017 05:31 AM)ImFred Wrote:  Emma is it you or your kid who's transgender?

I'm trans. Smile I don't have any children. But I do know some trans kids and the difficulties they endure as minors trying to navigate transitioning.
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29-06-2017, 07:41 AM
RE: As a parent, what was it like to find out your child is transgender?
Oh. Sounds like tricky terrain. Be careful not to piss off any parents. Stay strong. That sounds exhausting.
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29-06-2017, 07:45 AM
RE: As a parent, what was it like to find out your child is transgender?
(28-06-2017 09:17 PM)JesseB Wrote:  
(28-06-2017 08:44 PM)Fireball Wrote:  That isn't transgender, it's cross-dressing. It ain't even homosecksual! Nothing wrong with that, either. Sorry to see that you went through this.

Yea... I know.... and thank you Smile

I had this weird thought as a kid, my dad always wanted daughters and my parents were pretty honest about that. I was beaten up all the time, and I saw my dad treat my mom well (at least from my perspective as an ignorant child) and he treated other girls well.... So that may have played into the fantasy I had as a child of wishing I had been born a girl, and in fact I still wish that... But at no point did I feel confused, or like... idk I never felt I was a girl at all. That's not to take away from real trans people it's just acknowledging that I very much wasn't trans myself. For this reason I'd say trans is likely biological in my personal opinion. and I think the argument of biology vs social constructionist matters a lot, if you remove biology from the equation then the argument of it's ok to be Gay because it's natural and biological and not something that can be changed also goes out the window. But frankly I think there's an argument to be made that it's mostly biological on all accounts, I've seen studies and data that would seem to indicate a strong biological component. For now I'm satisfied with this conclusion.

Still... If there was a way for me to do over as a girl... I would. If there was a way to swap into a female body or a female robot body (like the Major in Ghost in the shell) hell ya I would, without hesitation. I don't see gender as being that important or big a deal personally.... but then I play female in games all the time and idk it's just not that big a deal either way. Mostly I think I just would like to be pretty >.>

#forevertheuglyduck

Thank you for sharing Jesse. Heart Personally, I never cross-dressed until I was an adult exploring the idea that I might be trans. But I guess it wasn't really cross-dressing in the same way some cross-dressers do.

I didn't always play females in games, but I eventually gravitated toward that whenever possible because it just felt better to me. And plus the girls in games were cute. Tongue

I bet you're prettier than you give yourself credit for. Hug

(29-06-2017 02:43 AM)JesseB Wrote:  Emma, for what it's worth I've talked and listened to you and I think you're an intelligent and remarkably beautiful woman (I hope saying so doesn't make your wife jelly lol), and hmm, my personal opinion if you or anyone else came out transgender and people can't see the value in who you are and how awesome you are, accepting you for you and not wanting to change you... well then they are really missing out on knowing a pretty awesome person.

For what my little opinion is worth

You're so sweet, thank you so much! Blush Saying it once or twice is okay- just don't try to flirt, that would make my wife jealous, but mostly because of stuff I've done in the recent past... I got up to no good on the internets. Confused

Thank you for the kind words- they absolutely mean a lot to me! I am trans and have been transitioning from male to female for almost 3 years now.
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29-06-2017, 07:46 AM
RE: As a parent, what was it like to find out your child is transgender?
(29-06-2017 07:41 AM)ImFred Wrote:  Oh. Sounds like tricky terrain. Be careful not to piss off any parents. Stay strong. That sounds exhausting.

Yeah- tricky is right. My mom is great- she's okay with it, though it's a little tough for her to wrap her head around the fact that her former son is now her daughter. My dad won't talk to me anymore, she's shut me out unless I de-transition.
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29-06-2017, 01:08 PM
RE: As a parent, what was it like to find out your child is transgender?
I'm not aware of how hormone blockers work that stall puberty. If it were permanent or difficult to reverse I would decline it as an option for my child because 10-12 year olds aren't developed enough mentally to make permanent decisions. However once my child hit sexual and mental maturity I would support them in every endeavor to change their sex. It's not an issue at all for me.

But before puberty is waaaay too young to consider the implications of serious changes...
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29-06-2017, 02:09 PM
RE: As a parent, what was it like to find out your child is transgender?
I just got back from the beach and saw this thread. I think you know my story, Emma, but some of the newer people here may not.

My son came to me when he...(she) ...was 18 and told me she was transgender. Prior to that, in the latter part of her senior year of high school, she told me she wanted to see a psychologist and a really good psychologist. I was an idiot because at the time I figured she was just super stressed about her future after high school and I sort of dismissed it.

Then I would hear her pacing the floor at night in her bedroom. This went on for several months. She'd sleep all day and stay up at night and barely passed her classes She ask me several times if I had heard voices and wondered if someone was outside of her window trying to get inside. THIS concerned me and that's when I started seriously looking for a psychologist. It was around this time that she told me she was transgender.

She finally got in to see a psychologist and was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. My husband and I were completely devistated. The transgender situation was overshadowed by the schizophrenia. She still insisted she was transgender but my husband and I kept wondering if the two weren't related.

To make a long story short we looked for another more qualified psychologist who had experience with both transgender people and schizophrenic patients. It turned out she was not schizophrenic but suffering from psychotic depression which can mask itself as schizophrenia. It's not unusual for transgender people to suffer from psychotic depression, especially before they come out to their families and transition. The fear of rejection by family members and society is so intense that it can drive transgender people into terrible depressions and suicide. After she transitioned she stopped taking anti-psychotic medications and had no recurring psychosis. Within a month of taking the female hormones she became a smiling, happy person. It was amazing. The darkness was gone from her face.

As a parent, I'm not going to lie, it was difficult. I spent days crying. I was losing my son. Yeah, I know she was probably never my son to begin with but in my mind she was. I went online to find other parents of transgender children and the most common feeling shared by all parents was a sense of mourning the loss of a son or daughter. The advice I got was to let yourself go through the mourning process. I had every intention of accepting her as female and read everything I could on the subject. I never once considered rejection as an option but my husband and I needed to mourn. And we did. It brought my husband and I closer together.

Once in a while I'll happen on an old photo of my daugher when she was a kid and wonder why we didn't see this coming. She was never a rough and tumble boy, always delicate, but parents see what they want to see in their children and I was certainly no exception.

She's studying computer engineering in college, still living at home to save some money, has a part time job and is very happy and giggly. She's extremely intelligent and has a high IQ. By the way, I often see brilliantly intelligent transgender people. I'm not sure if there is a correlation though. Anyway, that's our story.

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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29-06-2017, 02:19 PM
RE: As a parent, what was it like to find out your child is transgender?
There is no shame in our house. Whoever and whatever we are we're as much of it as we can be, and we're proud.

If one (or both) of my sons reveals to me that he's a trans female or gay or bisexual, or somewhere on the gender and sexuality spectra other than cis-het that is still my CHILD! How could I do anything but love them? How can I be anything but proud of who they are? I just don't fathom how people stumble or waiver on this idea.

That said - certain of MY expectations might change but any parent who hasn't had to rethink things as their kids grow up and discover themselves is doing something wrong IMHO.
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29-06-2017, 02:22 PM
RE: As a parent, what was it like to find out your child is transgender?
(29-06-2017 01:08 PM)Larai19 Wrote:  I'm not aware of how hormone blockers work that stall puberty. If it were permanent or difficult to reverse I would decline it as an option for my child because 10-12 year olds aren't developed enough mentally to make permanent decisions. However once my child hit sexual and mental maturity I would support them in every endeavor to change their sex. It's not an issue at all for me.

But before puberty is waaaay too young to consider the implications of serious changes...

I mentioned above that hormone blockers aren't permanent- but they do help stall the permanent changes that puberty brings. That's why endocrinologists who treat minors will prescribe them to 10-15 year-old children and will not prescribe hormone therapy.

Should a child change their mind, they can go off the blockers and their puberty will resume its normal course. All of this should always be monitored by professionals so you can ensure that there are no complications.
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