Asked to Pray
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02-12-2014, 03:52 PM
RE: Asked to Pray
I love that you asked him to heal some amputees. That's really rubbing Mr Christian's face in it Big Grin

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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02-12-2014, 04:08 PM
RE: Asked to Pray
I've got a friend and we get along on almost everything except I'm vocally atheist and he has Bible verses tattooed on his arms. Yes he fails to see the irony in that, given the Bibles stance on tattoo. He also constantly ridicules almost every since there is once stating that...
"90% of all scientists know evolution is false they just don't wanna admit it."

He knows I'm a pitbull on the subject and is constantly trying to draw me into debates on religion and I always refuse because he's so far from objective, he's overly sensitive and quick to get offended, and he does not except evidence as evidence. He is always trying to goad me into talking religion though, it makes everyone of our friends who is a believer uncomfortable, they all know better then to bring it up near me.

One day there is about 7 of us at the local Boston Pizza and we have all sat down had a few pints and ordered some chow. Food shows up and we are all about 3 Guinness is each so I'm fine but he's a lightweight so he decides to push the issue again by asking me to say grace. Now when people start doing prayers I'm loading my plate with food because I think it's hilarious that I'm taking all the choice food while they are thanking something that does not exist and had nothing to do with it, cause I'm mostly the motherfucker that made it.

But he's got this smug as fuck self satisfied look on his face and I just can't help myself so I, very enthusiastically, say "Sure! I've seen you do it a bunch how hard can it be!" A wave of smiles pass over my atheistic friends, and a look of abject terror over everyone except him. He still has that grin on his face. It does not last long.

Quote:"Dear Jebus, thanks for this bountiful bounty brah, but could you do a bro a solid and send down that fine ass Mary Magdalene? We both know she sucks a mean dick, fistbump bro (I proceed to fist bumped the air above my head). Cool thanks brah, oh and hey does it whistle when you clap?
Hugs and kisses, a hungry motherfucker."

And that's the story of how I got the scar below my right eye, because shortly after finishing an apparently devout Catholic beer mug flung it's self from the table and directly at my head. If any beer was gonna have an issue with that, it would be Guinness and I should have known better. Him and I are still friends, but he does not talk about religion around me again.Drinking Beverage


If you think that sounds badass please take into consideration that when my grandmother asks me to say grace I not only do The Lords Prayer, I do it a second time in Latin like I was raised. Why? Because I like living.

When valour preys on reason, it eats the sword it fights with.
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02-12-2014, 04:15 PM
RE: Asked to Pray
Last time I was asked years ago now I said:

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

#sigh
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02-12-2014, 04:17 PM
RE: Asked to Pray
This pleases me young grasshopper.
I have taught you well. This is testimony to my greatness for sure.

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02-12-2014, 04:21 PM
RE: Asked to Pray
(02-12-2014 04:17 PM)earmuffs Wrote:  This pleases me young grasshopper.
I have taught you well. This is testimony to my greatness for sure.

Bowing
















fuckin Earmuffs.

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02-12-2014, 04:22 PM (This post was last modified: 02-12-2014 04:29 PM by Mathilda.)
RE: Asked to Pray
Hmm, I was wondering if the Satanists would have a decent prayer to spook your friends and family. Turns out they do:

How to dedicate your soul to Satan

Quote: Before the almighty and ineffable God Satan/Lucifer and in the presence of all Demons of Hell, who are the True and the Original gods, I, (state your full name) renounce any and all past allegiances. I renounce the false Judeo/Christian god Jehova, I renounce his vile and worthless son Jesus Christ, I renounce his foul, odious, and rotten holy spirit.

I proclaim Satan Lucifer as my one and only God. I promise to recognize and honor him in all things, without reservation, desiring in return, his manifold assistance in the successful completion of my endeavors.

Remember, when you lead people in prayer they are effectively praying with you as if they were saying the words themselves. So if you lead them in the prayer above it should make them feel dirty for even bowing their heads to begin with.

Bonus points for including everyone else's name as well as your own.
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02-12-2014, 04:24 PM
RE: Asked to Pray
He knows you're an atheist.
I say he was asking/begging for you to invoke the FSM. Laughat
Poorly seasoned chops are inexcusable. Bangin
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02-12-2014, 04:26 PM
RE: Asked to Pray
(02-12-2014 04:08 PM)WhiskeyDebates Wrote:  "90% of all scientists know evolution is false they just don't wanna admit it."

And he knows this how?

Quote:oh and hey does it whistle when you clap?
Laughat
I don't care who you are, that's funny right there!
Clap

Atheism: it's not just for communists any more!
America July 4 1776 - November 8 2016 RIP
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02-12-2014, 04:33 PM
RE: Asked to Pray
(02-12-2014 04:15 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Last time I was asked years ago now I said:

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

"Hail Mary, full of grace
May someone hot
Sit on your face"

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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02-12-2014, 04:46 PM
RE: Asked to Pray
(02-12-2014 04:26 PM)unfogged Wrote:  
(02-12-2014 04:08 PM)WhiskeyDebates Wrote:  "90% of all scientists know evolution is false they just don't wanna admit it."

And he knows this how?

Well ya that's exactly it. If 90% won't admit it...how did they get 90% of them to admit it. It's stupid on it's face.

My brother was on the ball that day, before I could say anything he came running and did this funny little elbow slide down the bar, stopped, put both elbows on the bar, put his chin in his hands and said:
"Hey did you know 99% of priests know god does not exist they just don't want to lose their paycheck?"

I shed a tear of atheist pride in him.

When valour preys on reason, it eats the sword it fights with.
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