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04-05-2013, 07:03 AM
RE: Astrology
http://www.vedicscholar.com/about_vedic_astrology.php
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04-05-2013, 07:23 AM (This post was last modified: 04-05-2013 07:44 AM by cheapthrillseaker.)
RE: Astrology
(04-05-2013 06:20 AM)purpulepurpose Wrote:  Here the program that I use, its on Russian site. Program has language button on right upper corner. Add your data, and planet list will be created in bottom. By pressing on planets name description will be shown based on planets position.
http://astro-club.net/index/0-56
If its not hard for you give feedback on how accurate it is.
It's inaccurate. Why?

You're using the outdated version.

Then suns position when you where born doesn't match the same place it's in was in when the astrology charts where made as it was in a different position 2000 years ago. Also there are 14 constellations in the zodiac, and not twelve. One of them is Ophiuchus. The Sun after passing through Scorpio spends more time in Ophiuchus than it did in Scorpius. So if you thought you were a Scorpion, you're probably Ophiuchan and all Ophiuchans and Scorpions are currently Libras. That's how that plays out.

Bowing NDT!

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04-05-2013, 07:57 AM
RE: Astrology
(04-05-2013 07:23 AM)cheapthrillseaker Wrote:  It's inaccurate. Why?

You're using the outdated version.

Then suns position when you where born doesn't match the same place it's in was in when the astrology charts where made as it was in a different position 2000 years ago. Also there are 14 constellations in the zodiac, and not twelve. One of them is Ophiuchus. The Sun after passing through Scorpio spends more time in Ophiuchus than it did in Scorpius. So if you thought you were a Scorpion, you're probably Ophiuchan and all Ophiuchans and Scorpions are currently Libras. That's how that plays out.

Bowing NDT!

FATALITY

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Behold the power of the force!
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04-05-2013, 07:59 AM
RE: Astrology
(04-05-2013 07:57 AM)FSM_scot Wrote:  
(04-05-2013 07:23 AM)cheapthrillseaker Wrote:  It's inaccurate. Why?

You're using the outdated version.

Then suns position when you where born doesn't match the same place it's in was in when the astrology charts where made as it was in a different position 2000 years ago. Also there are 14 constellations in the zodiac, and not twelve. One of them is Ophiuchus. The Sun after passing through Scorpio spends more time in Ophiuchus than it did in Scorpius. So if you thought you were a Scorpion, you're probably Ophiuchan and all Ophiuchans and Scorpions are currently Libras. That's how that plays out.

Bowing NDT!

FATALITY

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HAHAHAHA!!!

Subzero accepts your adulation. Yes

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04-05-2013, 08:52 AM
RE: Astrology
You can denigrate the noble science of astrology all you like, but just tell me these astrological descriptions aren't accurate:


Aries (March 21 to April 19). As the Ram you are exceptionally stubborn and must always have your own way. Because of this, most people hate you. You are blunt to the point of cruelty; often times you are wrong but you’ll never admit any fault on your part. Animals and children sense your tyrannical nature and avoid you out of fear. As the first sign in the zodiac, you are the perpetual child; most adults would rather have fun with people their own age so this leaves you out. Summary: Horrible bully & everyone hates you.



Taurus (April 20 to May 20). You are the Bull, and full of it, so to speak. Your tendency to be a clumsy oaf oftentimes leaves you out in the cold, uninvited to holiday gatherings, weddings, and any event which requires the ability to hold a glass without spilling. Because of your bullish nature you pick on those weaker than yourself, which is almost everyone. You are almost always disgustingly overweight and require reinforced furniture. As a child you pulled the wings off of insects and delighted in watching them struggle while attempting to escape the solar rays magnified through your chemistry set's magnifying glass. Summary: You are always going to be alone and must eat off of cheap plastic dishes. Everyone hates you.



Gemini (May 21 to June 21). The Twins. The dichotomy of your personality perplexes those who are unfortunate enough to be around you. You are brilliant, but since you harp on it constantly you have the tendency to piss off anyone who is more intelligent than a rock. Your personality fluctuates between the good and evil twin so often that you almost always end up being committed to a prison cell or a hospital for the criminally insane. A lot of Geminis become artists and are almost always homosexuals. Your penchant for detail, orderliness and disinfectants make it impossible for a meaningful relationship to develop. Summary: Icy cold exterior and sexual fetishes separate you from humanity. Everyone hates you.



Cancer (June 22 to July 22). You bear the title of the Crab. You are a water sign and will cry for absolutely no good reason. You constantly burden any friends you have with threats of suicide. You are physically abusive and are given to gluttony. As a kid you were teased due to your overwhelmingly huge mid section. You do sneaky, underhanded things and blame others because you are a wimp. You constantly feel guilty and obsess over sexual fantasies involving your mother and farm animals. Summary: You are a sickening sniveler. Everyone, especially your mother, hates you.



Leo (July 23 to Aug. 22) The Lion. You believe yourself to be the center of the universe and the master of time and space. You are essentially lazy, preferring to let others do the “lions share” of the work. You are ill tempered and avoid any physical exertion, rarely breaking a sweat. You revel in others' discomfort and enjoy observing anything involving pain (as long as it isn’t yours.) Your flamboyant nature leads all those around you to believe you are gay. Although intelligent & creative, you would rather not employ these talents due to your lack of motivation. Summary: You will die of a heart attack & everyone hates you.



Virgo (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22). The Virgin. (That’s a laugh!) You will have sex with anything, moving or not, however much you pretend to be pure, chaste and trustworthy. As an earth sign you have plenty of dirt between your ears. You complain and moan about everything; nothing is ever good enough. If you have children, they will grow up to be serial killers. You are tightfisted with money and disappear when the check arrives. You have a tendency toward addiction and often drink to excess. This leads to promiscuity with other people's spouses. Summary: You are a wild sex machine, everyone hates you.



Libra (Sept. 23 to Oct. 23). The Scales. Constantly attempting to balance, you irritate others with your indecisiveness. You never make any decisions without consulting a psychic or your mother. You wear a lot of floral prints, which, if you are male, makes you look fruity; if female, obnoxious. You are prone to embezzling large amounts of money from employers and lying about your weight & age. Your pathetic attempt toward sincerity is almost always transparent, making you look foolish. Summary: Lack of depth and wish-washy. Everyone hates you.



Scorpio (Oct. 24 to Nov. 21). The Scorpion. Boy, are you scary! You are the sneakiest sign of the zodiac. You like to see natural disasters wreak havoc upon uninsured trailer park retirees. As a child you were separated from other kids because you were evil. You are sarcastic and snotty to everyone, especially those employed within the service industry. During the 1700s and 1800s, all Scorpios, without exception, were involved in the slave trade. Women Scorpios enjoy poisoning their mates over long periods of time. Males of scorpion descent like to drive their victims to suicide. Summary: Untrustworthy murderers. Everyone hates you.



Sagittarius (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21). The Archer. You will probably be too stupid to understand this. Sagittarians are the most self-involved and boorish people on earth. You actually think the rest of us are interested in your extremely boring life. You speak before thinking which invokes gales of laughter but you don’t care because you think you are clever. You are extremely narcissistic, believing yourself to be flawless. You are overindulgent when it comes to anything pleasurable. Moderation is not in your vocabulary. Sagittarius invented the phrase “It’s the empty cart that rattles.” Summary: Egocentric asshole. Everyone hates you.



Capricorn (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19). As the Goat you are prone towards eating anything that isn’t nailed down. The word “cheap” leaps to mind. Capricorns are notorious for their failure to pick up a check. Most often bankers, CPA’s and slum lords, Capricorns are heartless and cruel. They hate sex and rarely, if ever, achieve an orgasm, which explains why they tend to be so damned up-tight. Falling prey to convention and struggling to be cool will be the goat's own worst punishment. They rarely stray from the norm and have no creative outlets. Summary: Uptight assholes. Everyone hates you.



Aquarius (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18) Although called the Waterbearer, Aquarians are an air sign. Right off the bat they are confused. Headstrong and over-indulgent, Aquarians are big babies with absolutely no ability to deal with money. Most people on welfare fall under the sign of the waterbearer. Children adore you because you will never grow up to become a functioning member of society. The federal and state prisons are overcrowded because Aquarians tend to turn toward crime. You are almost always addicted to alcohol or narcotics, but your sleazy form of charm fools those lesser mortals you surround yourself with. Summary: You are a failure. Everyone hates you.



Pisces (Feb. 19 to March 20). The Fish. As the last sign in the zodiac, Pisces represents death. This makes the fish-sign people wet blankets. If you want to bring down a group of people, invite a pisces to join in. Extremely temperamental, pisces are always feeling sorry for themselves. If they have children, they tend to name them annoying things like “Rainbow” and “Barbie.” The fish is a creature of pleasure, enjoying sex and food to the point of obscenity. Pisces are troublesome and have never heard of commitment. Pisces are always broke, so expect to pay for their drinks while they bore you with their sob stories. They never finish anything they start and the need for constant re-enforcement becomes tiring. Summary: Nobody likes a whiner & everyone hates you.

Source. (Slightly copy-edited)

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04-05-2013, 08:57 AM
RE: Astrology
(04-05-2013 08:52 AM)cufflink Wrote:  You can denigrate the noble science of astrology all you like, but just tell me these astrological descriptions aren't accurate:


Aries (March 21 to April 19). As the Ram you are exceptionally stubborn and must always have your own way. Because of this, most people hate you. You are blunt to the point of cruelty; often times you are wrong but you’ll never admit any fault on your part. Animals and children sense your tyrannical nature and avoid you out of fear. As the first sign in the zodiac, you are the perpetual child; most adults would rather have fun with people their own age so this leaves you out. Summary: Horrible bully & everyone hates you.



Taurus (April 20 to May 20). You are the Bull, and full of it, so to speak. Your tendency to be a clumsy oaf oftentimes leaves you out in the cold, uninvited to holiday gatherings, weddings, and any event which requires the ability to hold a glass without spilling. Because of your bullish nature you pick on those weaker than yourself, which is almost everyone. You are almost always disgustingly overweight and require reinforced furniture. As a child you pulled the wings off of insects and delighted in watching them struggle while attempting to escape the solar rays magnified through your chemistry set's magnifying glass. Summary: You are always going to be alone and must eat off of cheap plastic dishes. Everyone hates you.



Gemini (May 21 to June 21). The Twins. The dichotomy of your personality perplexes those who are unfortunate enough to be around you. You are brilliant, but since you harp on it constantly you have the tendency to piss off anyone who is more intelligent than a rock. Your personality fluctuates between the good and evil twin so often that you almost always end up being committed to a prison cell or a hospital for the criminally insane. A lot of Geminis become artists and are almost always homosexuals. Your penchant for detail, orderliness and disinfectants make it impossible for a meaningful relationship to develop. Summary: Icy cold exterior and sexual fetishes separate you from humanity. Everyone hates you.



Cancer (June 22 to July 22). You bear the title of the Crab. You are a water sign and will cry for absolutely no good reason. You constantly burden any friends you have with threats of suicide. You are physically abusive and are given to gluttony. As a kid you were teased due to your overwhelmingly huge mid section. You do sneaky, underhanded things and blame others because you are a wimp. You constantly feel guilty and obsess over sexual fantasies involving your mother and farm animals. Summary: You are a sickening sniveler. Everyone, especially your mother, hates you.



Leo (July 23 to Aug. 22) The Lion. You believe yourself to be the center of the universe and the master of time and space. You are essentially lazy, preferring to let others do the “lions share” of the work. You are ill tempered and avoid any physical exertion, rarely breaking a sweat. You revel in others' discomfort and enjoy observing anything involving pain (as long as it isn’t yours.) Your flamboyant nature leads all those around you to believe you are gay. Although intelligent & creative, you would rather not employ these talents due to your lack of motivation. Summary: You will die of a heart attack & everyone hates you.



Virgo (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22). The Virgin. (That’s a laugh!) You will have sex with anything, moving or not, however much you pretend to be pure, chaste and trustworthy. As an earth sign you have plenty of dirt between your ears. You complain and moan about everything; nothing is ever good enough. If you have children, they will grow up to be serial killers. You are tightfisted with money and disappear when the check arrives. You have a tendency toward addiction and often drink to excess. This leads to promiscuity with other people's spouses. Summary: You are a wild sex machine, everyone hates you.



Libra (Sept. 23 to Oct. 23). The Scales. Constantly attempting to balance, you irritate others with your indecisiveness. You never make any decisions without consulting a psychic or your mother. You wear a lot of floral prints, which, if you are male, makes you look fruity; if female, obnoxious. You are prone to embezzling large amounts of money from employers and lying about your weight & age. Your pathetic attempt toward sincerity is almost always transparent, making you look foolish. Summary: Lack of depth and wish-washy. Everyone hates you.



Scorpio (Oct. 24 to Nov. 21). The Scorpion. Boy, are you scary! You are the sneakiest sign of the zodiac. You like to see natural disasters wreak havoc upon uninsured trailer park retirees. As a child you were separated from other kids because you were evil. You are sarcastic and snotty to everyone, especially those employed within the service industry. During the 1700s and 1800s, all Scorpios, without exception, were involved in the slave trade. Women Scorpios enjoy poisoning their mates over long periods of time. Males of scorpion descent like to drive their victims to suicide. Summary: Untrustworthy murderers. Everyone hates you.



Sagittarius (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21). The Archer. You will probably be too stupid to understand this. Sagittarians are the most self-involved and boorish people on earth. You actually think the rest of us are interested in your extremely boring life. You speak before thinking which invokes gales of laughter but you don’t care because you think you are clever. You are extremely narcissistic, believing yourself to be flawless. You are overindulgent when it comes to anything pleasurable. Moderation is not in your vocabulary. Sagittarius invented the phrase “It’s the empty cart that rattles.” Summary: Egocentric asshole. Everyone hates you.



Capricorn (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19). As the Goat you are prone towards eating anything that isn’t nailed down. The word “cheap” leaps to mind. Capricorns are notorious for their failure to pick up a check. Most often bankers, CPA’s and slum lords, Capricorns are heartless and cruel. They hate sex and rarely, if ever, achieve an orgasm, which explains why they tend to be so damned up-tight. Falling prey to convention and struggling to be cool will be the goat's own worst punishment. They rarely stray from the norm and have no creative outlets. Summary: Uptight assholes. Everyone hates you.



Aquarius (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18) Although called the Waterbearer, Aquarians are an air sign. Right off the bat they are confused. Headstrong and over-indulgent, Aquarians are big babies with absolutely no ability to deal with money. Most people on welfare fall under the sign of the waterbearer. Children adore you because you will never grow up to become a functioning member of society. The federal and state prisons are overcrowded because Aquarians tend to turn toward crime. You are almost always addicted to alcohol or narcotics, but your sleazy form of charm fools those lesser mortals you surround yourself with. Summary: You are a failure. Everyone hates you.



Pisces (Feb. 19 to March 20). The Fish. As the last sign in the zodiac, Pisces represents death. This makes the fish-sign people wet blankets. If you want to bring down a group of people, invite a pisces to join in. Extremely temperamental, pisces are always feeling sorry for themselves. If they have children, they tend to name them annoying things like “Rainbow” and “Barbie.” The fish is a creature of pleasure, enjoying sex and food to the point of obscenity. Pisces are troublesome and have never heard of commitment. Pisces are always broke, so expect to pay for their drinks while they bore you with their sob stories. They never finish anything they start and the need for constant re-enforcement becomes tiring. Summary: Nobody likes a whiner & everyone hates you.

Source. (Slightly copy-edited)

Okay. They're not. Big Grin

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04-05-2013, 08:59 AM
RE: Astrology
(04-05-2013 08:52 AM)cufflink Wrote:  Scorpio (Oct. 24 to Nov. 21). The Scorpion. Boy, are you scary! You are the sneakiest sign of the zodiac. You like to see natural disasters wreak havoc upon uninsured trailer park retirees. As a child you were separated from other kids because you were evil. You are sarcastic and snotty to everyone, especially those employed within the service industry. During the 1700s and 1800s, all Scorpios, without exception, were involved in the slave trade. Women Scorpios enjoy poisoning their mates over long periods of time. Males of scorpion descent like to drive their victims to suicide. Summary: Untrustworthy murderers. Everyone hates you.

Jeez that's uncanny Consider
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04-05-2013, 01:30 PM
RE: Astrology
(04-05-2013 05:36 AM)Free Thought Wrote:  
(04-05-2013 05:24 AM)Full Circle Wrote:  FT let me give this a try.

You were born in the house of the Sarcastic Wit under the sign of Skepticism. You have very little tolerance for bullshit and your friends, the few you have, keep their distance when you are pissed off. The Southern Cross is just one more insult to your non-beliefs, though it sure is pretty in the night sky. Your great-great-great-great grandfather was a convict and you like Wallaby meat.

Is that close?

I emboldened the accurate parts.

I am surprised you got the part about me not tolerating both my friends and bullshit.

If I remember correctly, my great-great-great grandparents from both generations came from off the great shores of Australia.
Besides, South Australia was established as a free colony.

Apparently I must be quite good at this.
Well then, if I got the convict part wrong then you must be an Aborigine? A Kangaroo? Ha! You're a Dingo aren't you? Come on...you can tell me Big Grin

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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04-05-2013, 02:04 PM
RE: Astrology
(04-05-2013 08:52 AM)cufflink Wrote:  You can denigrate the noble science of astrology all you like, but just tell me these astrological descriptions aren't accurate:
.....


Pisces (Feb. 19 to March 20). The Fish. As the last sign in the zodiac, Pisces represents death. This makes the fish-sign people wet blankets. If you want to bring down a group of people, invite a pisces to join in. Extremely temperamental, pisces are always feeling sorry for themselves. If they have children, they tend to name them annoying things like “Rainbow” and “Barbie.” The fish is a creature of pleasure, enjoying sex and food to the point of obscenity. Pisces are troublesome and have never heard of commitment. Pisces are always broke, so expect to pay for their drinks while they bore you with their sob stories. They never finish anything they start and the need for constant re-enforcement becomes tiring. Summary: Nobody likes a whiner & everyone hates you.

Source. (Slightly copy-edited)
Bolded parts accurate, italics not. I am a massive killjoy though, everyone agrees. I'm just not a killjoy for the reasons listed here.

And here is a card thinger that somebody bought me for my birthday several years ago:
[Image: pisces.jpg]
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04-05-2013, 03:47 PM
RE: Astrology
(04-05-2013 08:52 AM)cufflink Wrote:  Virgo (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22). The Virgin. (That’s a laugh!) You will have sex with anything, moving or not, however much you pretend to be pure, chaste and trustworthy. As an earth sign you have plenty of dirt between your ears. You complain and moan about everything; nothing is ever good enough. If you have children, they will grow up to be serial killers. You are tightfisted with money and disappear when the check arrives. You have a tendency toward addiction and often drink to excess. This leads to promiscuity with other people's spouses. Summary: You are a wild sex machine, everyone hates you.

That is the most accurate description of one of the virgos I know. Ya he'd totally fuck anything. biggest horn dog I know.


God is a concept by which we measure our pain -- John Lennon

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