Atheist Daughter/Xtian Mother - HELP
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
27-12-2015, 09:21 PM
Atheist Daughter/Xtian Mother - HELP
Hi all...first post here, be gentle, LOL.

I have finally escaped religion after a lifetime of insane indoctrination. Although this is not my only question for the community, it's the most pressing at the moment.

My mother and I have a very strained relationship (I'm 38) ands we have decided to go to counseling. Well, I requested that we do NOT go to a faith based counselor (duh). She pushed back about that and that spawned another strained goodbye. I need help with handling this as well as just handling day to day with her. I just don't know what to do. Sigh...it's been a rough holiday (and 38 years). Thanks, y'all.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like swalden's post
27-12-2015, 10:21 PM
RE: Atheist Daughter/Xtian Mother - HELP
Swalden, at this point I think you should assess your own needs, rather than the needs of the mother-daughter relationship, and find someone who can help you deal with any troublesome emotions.

I used to be a regular on a board for abuse survivors. One theme that cropped up regularly was that couples counselling was problematic in that the abuser could use it as a weapon against the other partner. Definitely do not go to a faith-based counselor. Look for someone with whom you have a rapport and who can help you be a stronger you, and put joint counselling with your mother on the back burner for the time being.

TTA also has a subforum called "Personal Issues and Support," so if you'd like this thread moved there, just send a private message to a moderator.
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 5 users Like Astreja's post
27-12-2015, 10:25 PM
RE: Atheist Daughter/Xtian Mother - HELP
Thanks for the info on the sub forum. I 100% believe that religion can be a form of child abuse. My parent tried to exorcise me when I was 6 and then told me I had the "discernment of the Holy Spirit" and to get all the toys and objects from our home that were demonic and they had a bonfire in the backyard. I could go on with horrifying stories for days.

I began the crisis of faith/losing my religion process consciously a few years ago, but I honestly think its been going on for my entire life. It a very, very hard thing to come to grips with. I feel so liberated and am more happy than I've ever been, yet, there is a nagging part of me STILL (fuck you, nagging part) that makes me want to please my mother. Are there therapists that specialize in people that escaped religion?
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
27-12-2015, 10:51 PM (This post was last modified: 28-12-2015 09:15 AM by Can_of_Beans.)
RE: Atheist Daughter/Xtian Mother - HELP
(27-12-2015 10:25 PM)swalden Wrote:  Are there therapists that specialize in people that escaped religion?

If there are, the Secular Therapist Project by the Recovering from Religion Foundation would be a good place to look.

https://www.seculartherapy.org/

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like Can_of_Beans's post
27-12-2015, 10:53 PM
RE: Atheist Daughter/Xtian Mother - HELP
Yes, there are therapists who deal specifically with this. One name that sprang to mind is Dr. Marlene Winell, who has a book, an online support group and other resources (Her website: Journey Free).

You could also contact a local Psychological Association and inquire if any of their members have experience with religious/spiritual abuse.
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Astreja's post
27-12-2015, 10:55 PM
RE: Atheist Daughter/Xtian Mother - HELP
(27-12-2015 10:25 PM)swalden Wrote:  Thanks for the info on the sub forum. I 100% believe that religion can be a form of child abuse. My parent tried to exorcise me when I was 6 and then told me I had the "discernment of the Holy Spirit" and to get all the toys and objects from our home that were demonic and they had a bonfire in the backyard. I could go on with horrifying stories for days.

I began the crisis of faith/losing my religion process consciously a few years ago, but I honestly think its been going on for my entire life. It a very, very hard thing to come to grips with. I feel so liberated and am more happy than I've ever been, yet, there is a nagging part of me STILL (fuck you, nagging part) that makes me want to please my mother. Are there therapists that specialize in people that escaped religion?

There are many people who have had similar experiences here on the forum. Feel free to express yourself in the Personal Issues and Support. You will find a lot of support there and a place to rant.

Geeze I'm so sorry for all the trauma you've been through. I can't imagine what it was like.

And yes, I have heard of therapists who work with former believers.

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes dancefortwo's post
27-12-2015, 11:18 PM
RE: Atheist Daughter/Xtian Mother - HELP
What are your goals in this? Do you want a peaceful relationship? A loving one? An accepting one?

I suspect no relationship may be the only good solution. Drinking Beverage

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
[Image: flagstiny%206.gif]
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Chas's post
27-12-2015, 11:47 PM
RE: Atheist Daughter/Xtian Mother - HELP
I've got nothin', having never been indoctrinated.

I just wanted to say hi and perhaps put your own needs first.

Good luck.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like Banjo's post
27-12-2015, 11:58 PM
RE: Atheist Daughter/Xtian Mother - HELP
Welcome Smile Congrats on getting out!

I agree with the other posters and I do think you have to ultimately live your life for you and not to make someone else happy (even your mom). I also agree with staying away from the faith-based counselor as they will not be very balanced in their approach to hearing both sides. It will just serve to give your mom more ammunition as to why you are "wrong" in your life choices. I hope she agrees to meet with a therapist who does not have a Christian agenda.

I hope everything works out between you and your mom. I know that is a hard situation to be in.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like jennybee's post
28-12-2015, 12:01 AM (This post was last modified: 28-12-2015 08:25 AM by Full Circle.)
RE: Atheist Daughter/Xtian Mother - HELP
Welcome.

Many of us have dealt with and continue to deal with family and parents that won’t accept the fact that you have become enlightened.

First order of business is your well being. Can you put some distance between yourself and your mother so you can think this through without her pressuring you?

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Full Circle's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: