Atheist Grieving - A tad heavy with perhaps some triggers
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28-01-2012, 05:55 PM
RE: Atheist Grieving - A tad heavy with perhaps some triggers
(28-01-2012 04:56 PM)NeonMoment Wrote:  I just keep thinking I wish I had called her that day to see how she was and talk. If there is something I could have said to change her mind.
I'm pretty sure that your cousins decision wasn’t made overnight. But I understand your feeling of powerlessness. I too wished to be in an other place so i could have made a difference. I had a friend call me and say that he invited my parents to come over that fatal weekend. He is now full of guilt that he wasn’t more persuasive. I told him that it is possible that, with his actions, he prevented more deaths only we don't know about them since they never happened.

Your family can perhaps expect you to do things, but again... They are in no position to tell you what to do. Maybe it’s this kind of attitude that drove your cousin to despair.

Did you consider seeking professional help for yourself?

Observer

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Secular humanist
Emotional rationalist
Disclaimer: Don’t mix the personal opinion above with the absolute and objective truth. Remember to think for yourself. Thank you.
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28-01-2012, 08:29 PM
RE: Atheist Grieving - A tad heavy with perhaps some triggers
I truly believe that DEATH is one of the hardest things for us human beings to cope with. That is the reason religion is still around today. People either fear death or cannot accept it.

I have lost 2 uncles and both grandmothers - the latter of which I was always very close to as I never had grandfathers. I used to go visit my Grand Ma (mother's mom) and watch Browns games, even though I'm a 49ers fan. We'd talk for hours on end about sports. She stayed with my parents and I for about 4 years as I grew up as well. My Gran Gran (father's mom) lived in West Virginia. I used to love taking trips out there as a kid. It was like a different world with how heavy their accent was. My Gran was always so nice and caring and giving to me. It is because of her that I am a saver and investor rather than a spender when it comes to money. SHE shaped me, for the better. I used to get root beer floats all the time from her. I'd spend entire weeks with her during the summers watching Nick At Night, black and white TV shows like Mr Ed, Green Acres, Dennis The Menace, etc.

But as hard as it is to think of them and that I no longer have them in my life. I have accepted their passing. I have them in my heart and in my memories always. They are not in some "glorious heaven". They are not "watching over me". I will never see them again in some sort of imagined "afterlife". That...is life. I would give anything to rewind time and see them again, just to tell them that I love them. But that, as much as god, is not possible nor real.

I do hope that the passing of anyone you know helps you understand why life is so short, so precious, that any time you can spend with someone you love...TAKE ADVANTAGE of it.
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29-01-2012, 12:51 AM
RE: Atheist Grieving - A tad heavy with perhaps some triggers
One of my family members died a year ago and I totally get where you're coming from. Lots of people tried the "she's looking down from heaven" line on me. I didn't bother to challenge them - whatever floats their boat. But it did nothing except make me angry inside that they would think such a blatant childrens' answer should make it all better. As for the idiots who told me "it's all part of God's plan"...

Yeah... as much as it's a tired line too, the only thing that's worked for me has been time. Time and remembering the good moments. And knowing that I will not forget and many friends remember her too...
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29-01-2012, 05:51 AM
RE: Atheist Grieving - A tad heavy with perhaps some triggers
Sorry for your loss NeonMoment. Without religion we know that this is our only life, and our friends' and family's only life. When someone close to us dies we can celebrate the good times we shared or we can feel sadness for their lost potential, our lost bond or friendship, and we can feel sorrow for the sadness or pain they experienced.

Whatever you feel, you need to express it for your own sake. Grieving without god is entirely justified, perhaps more so than for someone who believes the dead person is now enjoying eternal bliss.
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30-01-2012, 01:17 AM
RE: Atheist Grieving - A tad heavy with perhaps some triggers
Fourth of July... I chased the dog up the wall, launched myself through the communal consciousness and landed in the bathroom where I stared at my hands for five minutes, looking for dirt. 7/4/11 one of the days that made me - I'm supposed to have a heart condition but then, sitting in my chair paralyzed; after committing "sacrilege to the image of Gwyneth" with a pulse no less than 300 beats per minute... ol' ticker much more "industrial strength" than medical science did credit...

A bit of irrelevance; an illustration of the extent of my suckage in terms of expressing condolences, hopefully without being too offensive seeing how time has past...

Atheist grieving? Is there a type? Or is there an opportunity for my context to become typical? With the identity "ellenjanuary" (my true name), all that impact are remaindered - Hitch, Feynman, Carlin, Mandelbrot - eternal to the ellen. What future that their physicality does not create? Sure such would be missed, yet there is ellen, creating future, containing these identities...

At one extreme, I consider a world without my sweet everything may be a world in which I choose not to inhabit; at the other end is me yelling at a guy for sharing a similar sentiment on the anniversary of his son's passing.

So I wait, before posting my sentiments, cause I kinda suck at it.

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30-01-2012, 10:29 PM
RE: Atheist Grieving - A tad heavy with perhaps some triggers
Thanks everyone for being so wonderful! I've contacted my local Crisis Center to start attending the Suicide Survivor's Support group as well as asking about Grief Counseling.

I was so scared to share what I was feeling for so long, it's felt so wonderful to get it out and have so many great people respond. It was difficult to find counseling in my city that wasn't 'Biblical in Nature,' and we all know that wouldn't have helped me out much...but I hope now to be on the path to recovery. I know it's been a lot of time since it happened, as was pointed out in the split thread, but it has been so hard to find a comfortable place to get help.

I hope to get much more out of my time here, and I'm excited to get to know more of you!

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30-01-2012, 11:56 PM
RE: Atheist Grieving - A tad heavy with perhaps some triggers
Welcome

Observer

Agnostic atheist
Secular humanist
Emotional rationalist
Disclaimer: Don’t mix the personal opinion above with the absolute and objective truth. Remember to think for yourself. Thank you.
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31-01-2012, 01:38 AM
RE: Atheist Grieving - A tad heavy with perhaps some triggers
Glad to hear it! Please stick around and engage in the conversation and silliness! Big Grin
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31-01-2012, 05:38 PM
RE: Atheist Grieving - A tad heavy with perhaps some triggers
Neon - I'm so glad you got in touch with professionals. I agree with Kineo - stick around here, too. Continue to use this thread if you need to vent, cry, or just scream.

Also - there is a annoying/cranky - Venting thread created by Leela. Anyone can contribute, but I actually go there mostly just to check out her venting. Ha! -I guess I vent vicariously through her. Big Grin

Whatever you do, never deny your feelings the chance to be expressed -for any reason. If someone doesn't understand your feelings and your need to express them, then that's their problem, don't let it be yours.

Glad you're here... and yes... sometimes, we do get pretty silly.
It's one of the reasons many of us keep coming back. Wink

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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26-02-2012, 07:04 PM
RE: Atheist Grieving - A tad heavy with perhaps some triggers
Grieving for someone who committed suicide is different from grieving for someone who was murdered is different from grieving for someone who died of "natural" causes.

How suicide affects you depends largely on your personality and opinions. I had a good friend do this a couple of years ago and it was quite shocking. He was on facebook in the time leading up to it, posting songs and then just cursing and finally he said he was going to blow his brains out - and then he did. This was in the middle of the night and no one realized what had happened til the morning...he was a religious person, there was no god to be found in the writings of that evening, but a song about seeing you all in heaven was there. Now, personally I believe a person has the right to decide if they want to be alive or not. It's a sin, and it's illegal, and it goes against what all life shares - the survival instinct. But we likely all have different feelings about this. So I do understand the search for "how could this have been prevented".

I can't even imagine what it must feel like to have a loved one murdered. There is a whole other element here - outrage and anger and disbelief and all kinds of things.

And even having loved ones pass from natural causes is different from case to case - losing your mom in her old age is different from losing a child is different from losing someone you have shared your life and bed with for 30 years.

And then it's different because of personalities...

I think that's why people say so much inane dribble when someone loses a loved one. Losing my husband is actually what prompted me to come here in the first place - a place where no one will assure me that this was god's plan etc etc etc. It's refreshing to hear normal people talk about this in a normal way. (No, I don't consider religious blabbering "normal").

Reading this thread and a number of other "grieving" threads on this forum, it makes me really glad I happened to come here. What a refreshing bunch of people here - outspoken, funny, smart and able to show actual empathy.

Neon, I think you've come to a great place and I hope you stick around.

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Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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