Atheist guy dumped by christian girlfriend
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24-03-2010, 10:03 PM
 
Exclamation Atheist guy dumped by christian girlfriend
Hi, I came here because I need to speak about this.

After 3 1/2 year of formal relationship I've been dumped.

All because a very heated discussion about tithe... It doesn't matter what I say, she never answers my questions and always try to convince me that tithe is the word of God.

How, PLEASE, someone tell me how can I get through someone who deny even the simplest facts when faced about something so important ?!?!?!

She needs the money and still believes that she MUST give away the 10% of everything she earns!?!?!

Before anyone ask how did I end up with a religious person the answer is simple: She wasn't that involved with the church at the time we got engaged.

Please, ADVICE!!!
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24-03-2010, 10:16 PM
RE: Atheist guy dumped by christian girlfriend
Well, first order of business, hello!

Now then, to business. It seems to me like you need more time. How long ago did she dump you? If it just recently happened I think you should sleep on it, being overly emotional isn't going to do you any justice right now.

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24-03-2010, 10:40 PM
 
RE: Atheist guy dumped by christian girlfriend
Welcome, tirsojrp.

My advice is just a suggestion. It is up to you and your girlfriend/fiance to work things out amongst yourselves. Now that I got that formality out of the way...

My suggestion comes in a few parts:

If she insists on giving away 10% of what she makes for tithe, maybe suggest that she give it to a charity (preferably a secular one) that would go to help out the less fortunate, one that you could support as well. This would at least show that you respect her decision to donate money to a worthy cause, and that it would be going to an organization that isn't tied to any religious one.

If the issue is simply that you don't want her to give that much away, then maybe talk to her about reducing the amount she is giving. Come to a common ground with her, where both of you can be satisfied, you with her not donating such a large amound, and her with you, where you try and find the right level to get along in.

The one thing you both need to remember is the reason you got together in the first place. My wife is a Christian and I am an Atheist, which I officially declared about 2 years ago. Although we don't agree with each other on theology, we also don't press the issue with each other. We find common ground (our love for one another, for our kids, our ideologies about the world which, although it could be motivated by our different thoughts on theology, are somewhat similar).

My only other suggestion would be to use logic on her. Ask her why she thinks it's so important. Suggest to her that she ask her pastor/priest (whatever) where the tithe money goes to. If it is for an honorable reason, then talk to her about reducing the amount. Bring up the reasons WHY she NEEDS the money, and how tithing 10% would put her in a worse situation.

Honestly, if talking to her on her level doesn't convince her, then I don't know what will.
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24-03-2010, 10:42 PM
RE: Atheist guy dumped by christian girlfriend
Welcome, although it's on gloomy terms.

Green is right, if this has happened recently you need to sleep on it. I know if you pour all your emotions into a person, it hurts when they leave, but you're strong. You don't rely on her to live, and I'm sure you can persevere.

Belief is only a problem in a relationship if someone wants it to be, and if she wants it to be, then nothing can be done.

I don't believe Jesus is the son of God until I see the long form birth certificate!
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24-03-2010, 11:32 PM
 
RE: Atheist guy dumped by christian girlfriend
Green is right about the time, it was a few hours ago.
I foresaw this a like a year ago and it is very frustrating to see it happen.

I won't rush things, but I need to be ready before one of her sisters (mother Theresa) push me away and this is one of the few places where I can get some advice from people who has been through the same situation.

supermanlives1973, I have tried everything that you suggest but failed miserably.

I think that this suggestion is the only way to go:

The one thing you both need to remember is the reason you got together in the first place. My wife is a Christian and I am an Atheist, which I officially declared about 2 years ago. Although we don't agree with each other on theology, we also don't press the issue with each other. We find common ground (our love for one another, for our kids, our ideologies about the world which, although it could be motivated by our different thoughts on theology, are somewhat similar).

Thanks supermanlives1973, your help is greatly appreciated.

I will let you know what happens...
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26-03-2010, 01:10 AM
 
RE: Atheist guy dumped by christian girlfriend
Can't help you much tirsojrp, at least not in reconciliation, but I've been where you are (sorta). I got into a religious conversation (texting) with a then girlfriend (couple years ago) and, to make a long story short, we weren't together when it ended. She 'felt' that god was telling her she should be with a 'Jesus Freak' type Christian who can support her spiritually so when I told her I wasn't into god right then (I had to be nondescript with my atheism on account of my zealous parents) we agreed to separate.

I was pissed/sad for a while because we had been great up until that conversation (which had actually started with talking about moving further physically Wink with some pretty suggestive innuendos for a good little Christian chica) but I got over it with time; she is now engaged and I'm happy for her, while I enjoy the freedom of bachelorhood.
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26-03-2010, 02:47 AM
 
RE: Atheist guy dumped by christian girlfriend
There are too many interesting things to do on this planet than to be hung up on some religious chick. Get out and circulate. This is the perfect opportunity for exploration and personal growth. If you two are truly in love you'll come back together in time. Don't sweat it. Right now your suffering from withdraw. It'll be good for you to stand on your own for a while.

Good luck!
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26-03-2010, 02:47 PM
 
RE: Atheist guy dumped by christian girlfriend
Thanks to supermanlives1973 suggestions I'm still engaged and we agreed to stop trying to change each other minds.

I think we will be fine... Until kids arrive, I am sure I will be seeking for help in 5 or 6 years when I have to send them to school.

Meanwhile I will be thinking how to make it face reality from a safe position... I'm complete sure she is doing the same.
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30-03-2010, 11:51 PM
 
RE: Atheist guy dumped by christian girlfriend
I went through this - in a much shorter relationship though, about 4 months. My situation was that my gf wasn't quite up front about how much of a fundamentalist Christian she was. When it came down to it, being a Christian was a huge part of her life and to me it was just ridiculous. Tithing was just the start of it, she believed in creationism and all kinds of mystical nonsense that I couldn't begin to even entertain. I bet you've known that you were going to have to break up with her over this for a while, right? Can you really imagine making a life with someone who believes all that stuff? How would you raise children? What would you teach them? I think compatibility about these kind of beliefs are very important in a relationship. I say lick your wounds, have a good cry, sleep around a bit and get on to the next relationship. And make sure you pick someone who knows that if she 'jumped for Jesus' out of the blue, she would be jumping out of a relationship with you.
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