Atheist in secret
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30-10-2014, 02:39 PM (This post was last modified: 30-10-2014 02:44 PM by Bucky Ball.)
RE: Atheist in secret
(30-10-2014 05:04 AM)kreiben Wrote:  Am I going about this right ?

Yes. Adults can agree to disagree. My very conservative Catholic granny, whom I loved to pieces, and my gramps agreed to disagree. They had a wonderful marriage. You and she may have to come to a more open and explicit understanding of what the kids will be exposed to, but there are all kinds of links to articles and books about how science and religions are not incompatible you can use to begin her education. You're a good dad and husband.

Never mind that Thomasina cat. Rolleyes

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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30-10-2014, 02:55 PM
RE: Atheist in secret
Unequally yoked over here, too!

When my husband met me, I was agnostic. He helped me "find my way back to God" - Pascal's wager and all that. When we got married, I was working for a church, got married before god in the church, and even had communion prior to the "you may kiss the bride."

I came out to him back in May or early June. We've always valued being open and honest with each other. Despite my tears and stating that he and our 5 yr old son are the most important parts of my life, I might as well have slapped him. Now mostly avoid religious conversation - he is overly sensitive and it turns into a giant fight. Most days I worry that my once VERY stable marriage is going to end in divorce. I love my husband, too. It would devastate me if it were to end.

The big issue for us is raising our son. We have an agreement that I won't go behind my husband's back and say things like "God doesn't exist." We also have an agreement that we won't say "cause God did it" and that we will use scientific reasoning in our house. We both agree that we will teach our son to think. My husband took a college biology and physical science class this semester and it really helped. He is a very liberal Christian and has never believed in a young earth and has looked at the bible as more of a metaphor. Problem is I've read it, he hasn't.

I understand not wanting to come out. There is definitely risk involved. One of my best friends divorced her husband several years ago when her husband told her he was an atheist (they also had infertility issues - I think it was just the final nail in the coffin). I'm still closeted from the rest of my family other than my atheist brother and nephew. I can't risk me losing my husband AND my entire family. However, I'm still glad I came out. It means I don't have to lie about who I am 24 hours a day.

Does it sound like I'm sending mixed messages? I don't have a clear answer.

You attend a church that teaches young earth. I doubt it will be warm and fuzzy if you came out. She likely realizes your faith is "wavering." The conversation could be as simple as "I just can't believe in god anymore." I like what WATC said, a lot.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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30-10-2014, 03:01 PM
RE: Atheist in secret
You could start with the angle that you do not agree with what you church is teaching and ease into full disclosure. I am currently known as the disgruntled catholic in the family. Sometimes you need to take baby steps.
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