Atheist jokes
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01-07-2015, 07:55 PM
Atheist jokes
I'm needing a laugh today, so share some jokes if you got em' Here's one I came up with today.

Jesus, Mohamed and an atheist walk into a bar. Jesus orders a glass of water planning on turning it to wine. Mohamed orders 72 virgin margaritas. The atheist points to a sign reading “back in ten minutes” and says, "guys, why bother asking, no one’s there."
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01-07-2015, 08:06 PM
RE: Atheist jokes
Why do Atheists have trouble with exponential equations?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
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01-07-2015, 08:09 PM
RE: Atheist jokes
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?

He stayed up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
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01-07-2015, 08:12 PM
RE: Atheist jokes
Quote:Religious Shit

Taoism: Shit happens.

Buddhism: If shit happens, it's not really shit.

Islam: If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.

Protestantism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?

Hinduism: This shit happened before.

Catholicism: Shit happens because you're bad.

Hare Krishna: Shit happens rama rama.

T.V. Evangelism: Send more shit.

Atheism:No shit.

Jehovah's Witness: Knock knock, shit happens.

Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happening.

Christian Science: Shit happens in your mind.

Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.

Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.

Existentialis: What is shit anyway?

Stoicism: This shit doesn't bother me.
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01-07-2015, 08:18 PM
RE: Atheist jokes
(01-07-2015 08:12 PM)Thumpalumpacus Wrote:  
Quote:Religious Shit

Taoism: Shit happens.

Buddhism: If shit happens, it's not really shit.

Islam: If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.

Protestantism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?

Hinduism: This shit happened before.

Catholicism: Shit happens because you're bad.

Hare Krishna: Shit happens rama rama.

T.V. Evangelism: Send more shit.

Atheism:No shit.

Jehovah's Witness: Knock knock, shit happens.

Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happening.

Christian Science: Shit happens in your mind.

Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.

Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.

Existentialis: What is shit anyway?

Stoicism: This shit doesn't bother me.

Mormons: Shit happens in magical underwear.
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01-07-2015, 09:01 PM
RE: Atheist jokes
Deists: Shit happens everywhere.
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02-07-2015, 01:49 AM
RE: Atheist jokes
How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists won't claim that god did it.

The first revolt is against the supreme tyranny of theology, of the phantom of God. As long as we have a master in heaven, we will be slaves on earth.

Mikhail Bakunin.
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02-07-2015, 02:18 AM
RE: Atheist jokes
(01-07-2015 09:01 PM)Thumpalumpacus Wrote:  Deists: Shit happens everywhere.

Panentheism: Everything is shit.

The people closely associated with the namesake of female canines are suffering from a nondescript form of lunacy.
"Anti-environmentalism is like standing in front of a forest and going 'quick kill them they're coming right for us!'" - Jake Farr-Wharton, The Imaginary Friend Show.
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02-07-2015, 05:40 AM
Atheist jokes
Puritans: I don't like any of this shit.
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02-07-2015, 05:50 AM
RE: Atheist jokes
Scientology: you need to get your shit cleansed.
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