Autism and so on
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29-08-2017, 02:58 AM
Autism and so on
Aside the knowledge that Autism is on a spectrum like most things, I am not talking about the case when you have a few quirks and get a diagnose for an "autism spectrum disorder".

What I am talking about is full-blown autism.
What do I mean by that?
Well if you are on a "low level" of autism, you function very well but you have some things that put you on the spectrum.
But full-blown for me means that without a lot of training and a lot of learning and practicing, you cannot function in society.

So while I have never been checked for autism, I know that I have a lot of very crippling autistic traits.

I just stumbled over the video (link below) and found myself in so many things she said. I wonder if I should work on that with my therapist as well. I don't know if he is good with that but I can probably ask.

For me specifically:
* Needing a scripts for every social interaction
* Some processing issues with audio information
* Seeming rude when I am not intending to be rude
* Just not answering because I don't have a script for that interaction and so I just draw a blank.
* Eye contact - I learned that eye contact is important in my mid-twenties but I have only learned to establish and hold eye contact in my late twenties
* things like small talk (scripts), meeting a coworker on the corridor (scripts), follow up questions (scripts), reacting to stuff people say or experience (scripts)
* stuff I do at home where some things have to be in a specific order, other things just have to happen.
* Issues with physical intimacy (and while I am not a virgin, I still have no scripts for that and it makes it very hard to be physically intimate because I experience it differently)

Now I do pass as "normal" in society most of the time. Mainly because I have a script for most things. But for me, navigating society, is really just a recollection of scripts and copying behaviors I see in other people.
Not meaning that I don't have my own personality, because obviously I do. But social situations are incredibly hard and awkward for me. It all seems like a bit of a meaningless choreography but in order to be part of the club called "society" I need to know the choreography. To most people it comes naturally, to me it does not.

I mean you do find me posting here and I think I seem pretty normal, some of you have met me in person or talk to me on a regular basis. So I am not sure how well I navigate these situations but I am doing my best to not seem cold or heartless because I am not. It just is hard sometimes when I don't have a script and just a blank for that situation. Because I don't want to be insensitive and I know that I often say the wrong thing or use the wrong tone when I don't have script.

I wonder if there are people like that here too.

Also here is the video I spoke about



"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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29-08-2017, 03:55 AM
RE: Autism and so on
Back in the UK, the lady in the video would probably have been described as "high functioning" or Asperger's.

My experience is on that level.

The Autism parent groups we sometimes went to showed me how lucky we were and that "full blown" is a bit more like this...





My son had moments like this in his early years (up to 4 or 5) when we would take the 'wrong' route home or when he had sensory overload but dietary changes fixed most of the behavioural issues.

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29-08-2017, 05:15 AM
RE: Autism and so on
(29-08-2017 03:55 AM)DLJ Wrote:  My son had moments like this in his early years (up to 4 or 5) when we would take the 'wrong' route home or when he had sensory overload but dietary changes fixed most of the behavioural issues.
I never had a complete breakdown for going the wrong route aka cross the street in a different place, but I did voice the fact that it bothered me a lot. Nowadays I am consciously trying to be flexible with that because I know it is weird for other people if I insist.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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29-08-2017, 03:48 PM
RE: Autism and so on
(29-08-2017 02:58 AM)Leerob Wrote:  Aside the knowledge that Autism is on a spectrum like most things, I am not talking about the case when you have a few quirks and get a diagnose for an "autism spectrum disorder".

What I am talking about is full-blown autism.
What do I mean by that?
Well if you are on a "low level" of autism, you function very well but you have some things that put you on the spectrum.
But full-blown for me means that without a lot of training and a lot of learning and practicing, you cannot function in society.

So while I have never been checked for autism, I know that I have a lot of very crippling autistic traits.

I just stumbled over the video (link below) and found myself in so many things she said. I wonder if I should work on that with my therapist as well. I don't know if he is good with that but I can probably ask.

For me specifically:
* Needing a scripts for every social interaction
* Some processing issues with audio information
* Seeming rude when I am not intending to be rude
* Just not answering because I don't have a script for that interaction and so I just draw a blank.
* Eye contact - I learned that eye contact is important in my mid-twenties but I have only learned to establish and hold eye contact in my late twenties
* things like small talk (scripts), meeting a coworker on the corridor (scripts), follow up questions (scripts), reacting to stuff people say or experience (scripts)
* stuff I do at home where some things have to be in a specific order, other things just have to happen.
* Issues with physical intimacy (and while I am not a virgin, I still have no scripts for that and it makes it very hard to be physically intimate because I experience it differently)

Now I do pass as "normal" in society most of the time. Mainly because I have a script for most things. But for me, navigating society, is really just a recollection of scripts and copying behaviors I see in other people.
Not meaning that I don't have my own personality, because obviously I do. But social situations are incredibly hard and awkward for me. It all seems like a bit of a meaningless choreography but in order to be part of the club called "society" I need to know the choreography. To most people it comes naturally, to me it does not.

I mean you do find me posting here and I think I seem pretty normal, some of you have met me in person or talk to me on a regular basis. So I am not sure how well I navigate these situations but I am doing my best to not seem cold or heartless because I am not. It just is hard sometimes when I don't have a script and just a blank for that situation. Because I don't want to be insensitive and I know that I often say the wrong thing or use the wrong tone when I don't have script.

I wonder if there are people like that here too.

Also here is the video I spoke about



Hi from the aspergers end. There are some autism spectrum people here, yes. Many social situations baffle me, and a big project over the years has been working to understand them and figure out how to pass for normal. This has been immensely helpful when in working with my autistic son, who needs more coaching than I did. I (personally) think it helps to understand the differences and the kind of things neurotypical people look for/take for granted. Since there are more of them than there are of us, studying their ways is useful, even if sometimes it feels unfair.

I can still feel intensely awkward when thrown into a clubby NT-oriented environment--happening to me this week, in fact...at this point I remember what I tell my kid. Let people know if you can't quite deal, and explain that you'd like some help navigating. It can be hard advice to follow, given that some people will treat different as defective...but I don't think I'm defective and don't have to accept that judgment.
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29-08-2017, 04:05 PM
RE: Autism and so on
(29-08-2017 03:48 PM)julep Wrote:  
(29-08-2017 02:58 AM)Leerob Wrote:  Aside the knowledge that Autism is on a spectrum like most things, I am not talking about the case when you have a few quirks and get a diagnose for an "autism spectrum disorder".

What I am talking about is full-blown autism.
What do I mean by that?
Well if you are on a "low level" of autism, you function very well but you have some things that put you on the spectrum.
But full-blown for me means that without a lot of training and a lot of learning and practicing, you cannot function in society.

So while I have never been checked for autism, I know that I have a lot of very crippling autistic traits.

I just stumbled over the video (link below) and found myself in so many things she said. I wonder if I should work on that with my therapist as well. I don't know if he is good with that but I can probably ask.

For me specifically:
* Needing a scripts for every social interaction
* Some processing issues with audio information
* Seeming rude when I am not intending to be rude
* Just not answering because I don't have a script for that interaction and so I just draw a blank.
* Eye contact - I learned that eye contact is important in my mid-twenties but I have only learned to establish and hold eye contact in my late twenties
* things like small talk (scripts), meeting a coworker on the corridor (scripts), follow up questions (scripts), reacting to stuff people say or experience (scripts)
* stuff I do at home where some things have to be in a specific order, other things just have to happen.
* Issues with physical intimacy (and while I am not a virgin, I still have no scripts for that and it makes it very hard to be physically intimate because I experience it differently)

Now I do pass as "normal" in society most of the time. Mainly because I have a script for most things. But for me, navigating society, is really just a recollection of scripts and copying behaviors I see in other people.
Not meaning that I don't have my own personality, because obviously I do. But social situations are incredibly hard and awkward for me. It all seems like a bit of a meaningless choreography but in order to be part of the club called "society" I need to know the choreography. To most people it comes naturally, to me it does not.

I mean you do find me posting here and I think I seem pretty normal, some of you have met me in person or talk to me on a regular basis. So I am not sure how well I navigate these situations but I am doing my best to not seem cold or heartless because I am not. It just is hard sometimes when I don't have a script and just a blank for that situation. Because I don't want to be insensitive and I know that I often say the wrong thing or use the wrong tone when I don't have script.

I wonder if there are people like that here too.

Also here is the video I spoke about



Hi from the aspergers end. There are some autism spectrum people here, yes. Many social situations baffle me, and a big project over the years has been working to understand them and figure out how to pass for normal. This has been immensely helpful when in working with my autistic son, who needs more coaching than I did. I (personally) think it helps to understand the differences and the kind of things neurotypical people look for/take for granted. Since there are more of them than there are of us, studying their ways is useful, even if sometimes it feels unfair.

I can still feel intensely awkward when thrown into a clubby NT-oriented environment--happening to me this week, in fact...at this point I remember what I tell my kid. Let people know if you can't quite deal, and explain that you'd like some help navigating. It can be hard advice to follow, given that some people will treat different as defective...but I don't think I'm defective and don't have to accept that judgment.

What's a clubby NT oriented environment? I see a noisy club with the new testament scrolled as film on the walls....Consider

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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29-08-2017, 04:10 PM
RE: Autism and so on
(29-08-2017 03:55 AM)DLJ Wrote:  My son had moments like this in his early years (up to 4 or 5) when we would take the 'wrong' route home or when he had sensory overload but dietary changes fixed most of the behavioural issues.

What dietary changes did you make? I mean other than making sure he didn't eat any British food?

#sigh
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29-08-2017, 04:23 PM
RE: Autism and so on
(29-08-2017 04:05 PM)Dom Wrote:  
(29-08-2017 03:48 PM)julep Wrote:  Hi from the aspergers end. There are some autism spectrum people here, yes. Many social situations baffle me, and a big project over the years has been working to understand them and figure out how to pass for normal. This has been immensely helpful when in working with my autistic son, who needs more coaching than I did. I (personally) think it helps to understand the differences and the kind of things neurotypical people look for/take for granted. Since there are more of them than there are of us, studying their ways is useful, even if sometimes it feels unfair.

I can still feel intensely awkward when thrown into a clubby NT-oriented environment--happening to me this week, in fact...at this point I remember what I tell my kid. Let people know if you can't quite deal, and explain that you'd like some help navigating. It can be hard advice to follow, given that some people will treat different as defective...but I don't think I'm defective and don't have to accept that judgment.

What's a clubby NT oriented environment? I see a noisy club with the new testament scrolled as film on the walls....Consider

In this case, a social situation where I'm in a closed environment as the brand new person where almost everybody else has known one another for years/decades and to plan the day's activities you have to go up to people and invite them or be invited to them, loud and multiple conversations and deals going on, and a big bunch of rules ("traditions") that are easy to violate just a little bit. Frequent corrections, and traditions that people don't realize would be helpful to explain.

(NT in this case is neurotypical, although I love be your image!)
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29-08-2017, 05:09 PM
RE: Autism and so on
(29-08-2017 04:23 PM)julep Wrote:  
(29-08-2017 04:05 PM)Dom Wrote:  What's a clubby NT oriented environment? I see a noisy club with the new testament scrolled as film on the walls....Consider

In this case, a social situation where I'm in a closed environment as the brand new person where almost everybody else has known one another for years/decades and to plan the day's activities you have to go up to people and invite them or be invited to them, loud and multiple conversations and deals going on, and a big bunch of rules ("traditions") that are easy to violate just a little bit. Frequent corrections, and traditions that people don't realize would be helpful to explain.

(NT in this case is neurotypical, although I love be your image!)

Now, that kind of situation sounds exhausting to me as introvert, but doable. I can go there and flow with it - long as I don't have to stay very long. I would need a big chunk of alone time immediately following.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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29-08-2017, 06:13 PM
RE: Autism and so on
(29-08-2017 05:09 PM)Dom Wrote:  
(29-08-2017 04:23 PM)julep Wrote:  In this case, a social situation where I'm in a closed environment as the brand new person where almost everybody else has known one another for years/decades and to plan the day's activities you have to go up to people and invite them or be invited to them, loud and multiple conversations and deals going on, and a big bunch of rules ("traditions") that are easy to violate just a little bit. Frequent corrections, and traditions that people don't realize would be helpful to explain.

(NT in this case is neurotypical, although I love be your image!)

Now, that kind of situation sounds exhausting to me as introvert, but doable. I can go there and flow with it - long as I don't have to stay very long. I would need a big chunk of alone time immediately following.

I'm an introvert too, and it's tiring...but on top of that it's the sense of rules transgressed and cues missed and the fact that I have to be the social instigator, which scares me immensely (and doesn't always end well)
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29-08-2017, 06:35 PM
RE: Autism and so on
(29-08-2017 04:10 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(29-08-2017 03:55 AM)DLJ Wrote:  ... dietary changes fixed most of the behavioural issues.

What dietary changes did you make? I mean other than making sure he didn't eat any British food?

I've written about this a few times before but it's worth repeating.

The medical profession at the time were clueless ... if it's not in the manual it didn't exist so we did some on-line Incident Matching with other parents... anecdotal but in desperation etc.

I was for using the scientific/phased approach of removing one food-type at a time to pinpoint the culprits but my ex wanted to go for the big bang approach and remove everything that was in the suspect category namely:
Gluten (wheat etc.)
Casein (all forms of dairy)
Additives
Preservatives
Colourants.

This was after The Doughnut Incident which resulted in the destruction of his bedroom (plaster off the walls and everything!)

It worked although at great cost. The whole family did it which was useful for me personally in that I realised the suicidal tendencies were gluten related and the severe hayfever was dairy related.

(29-08-2017 05:09 PM)Dom Wrote:  ...
to me as [an] introvert
...

What makes you think you are an introvert? Oh, yes, sorry about that.

Big Grin

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