BF (With a Crazy Mom) Giving Sperm to Lesbian Cousin
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07-01-2015, 06:47 PM (This post was last modified: 07-01-2015 07:19 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: BF (With a Crazy Mom) Giving Sperm to Lesbian Cousin
(06-01-2015 02:51 PM)QueenTit Wrote:  My boyfriend either wants his mom to know up front or to never find out.

Bah. There's always a middle way. I'd donate the sperm (not to the blood relative for obvious reasons) , keep my mouth shut for 9 months and then after the delivery I'd yell "Hey Mom. Come meet your grandbaby!"

#sigh
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07-01-2015, 09:48 PM
RE: BF (With a Crazy Mom) Giving Sperm to Lesbian Cousin
It sounds like it would be a whole lot easier just to get another sperm-donor. This can't end well.
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07-01-2015, 10:03 PM
RE: BF (With a Crazy Mom) Giving Sperm to Lesbian Cousin
I'd just make sure that regardless of what gets disclosed to the family they go through the proper channels for the sperm donation involving doctors and all that and not try anything DYI. Since everyone is related and/or friendly it might be tempting to try to save a few bucks, but that could be a bad idea long term.

It's my understanding that the law should help keep relations in order if the artificial insemination is done the "right" way. Otherwise your boyfriend could end up on the hook for child support and have his crazy mom trying to lay claim to a grandbaby. Confused

http://edition.cnn.com/2014/01/23/justic...-donation/

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07-01-2015, 10:33 PM
RE: BF (With a Crazy Mom) Giving Sperm to Lesbian Cousin
(07-01-2015 10:03 PM)Can_of_Beans Wrote:  I'd just make sure that regardless of what gets disclosed to the family they go through the proper channels for the sperm donation involving doctors and all that and not try anything DYI. Since everyone is related and/or friendly it might be tempting to try to save a few bucks, but that could be a bad idea long term.

It's my understanding that the law should help keep relations in order if the artificial insemination is done the "right" way. Otherwise your boyfriend could end up on the hook for child support and have his crazy mom trying to lay claim to a grandbaby. Confused

http://edition.cnn.com/2014/01/23/justic...-donation/

that was the case I was thinking of when I wrote my message above to use an attorney and make sure everything is clear and such.

In the case above, they thought they covered all the bases, but their ideas and the states ideas are two different things. I think I heard of a different one involving a move and one state has laws different from another ?


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08-01-2015, 07:21 AM
RE: BF (With a Crazy Mom) Giving Sperm to Lesbian Cousin
B&A had a good point about keeping certain information private.

Any chance your BF could donate sperm and then have your friend and her partner keep it a mystery whether they used it or not? Its their personal business and they keep it that way.

While I do understand the concept, is there the option of having a "cocktail" of your BF's and another donor's used that way it is best sperm wins? Pun intended.

The legal angle should also be important but I also foresee familial problems given the batshit crazy quotient. Make sure the four of you are each 100% comfortable with whatever arrangement is agreed upon. It may be you four vs the family and you don't want any dissenting opinions or regrets.

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored- Aldous Huxley
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08-01-2015, 11:47 AM
RE: BF (With a Crazy Mom) Giving Sperm to Lesbian Cousin
Thanks for all of the advice, it's MUCH appreciated!
I definitely like the suggestions to make sure everything is done legally and through the proper channels. I actually feel that if we made sure it was all done "above-board" and the child was fully, legally theirs, it might help in quelling my bf's mom's crazy.
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08-01-2015, 11:57 AM
RE: BF (With a Crazy Mom) Giving Sperm to Lesbian Cousin
(08-01-2015 11:47 AM)QueenTit Wrote:  Thanks for all of the advice, it's MUCH appreciated!
I definitely like the suggestions to make sure everything is done legally and through the proper channels. I actually feel that if we made sure it was all done "above-board" and the child was fully, legally theirs, it might help in quelling my bf's mom's crazy.

And I think your BF has to be in the right frame of mind for this. Relationships can and do often turn sour. Think of some worst case scenarios and honestly answer them.

What if the women split because of cheating or abuse, and the one who is at fault gets custody of the child? And what if that person isnt your BFs cousin? What if for whatever reason the cousin dies, and the other Mom takes the child to another state? Can your BF be ok in just letting that child go? He would be signing over all parental rights, which is fine when times are good and everyone is happy, but you have to plan for when things arent happy and people are pissed. What if both Moms die and the child goes with cousins wife's family to another state even though your BF would volunteer to take the child but the court says no. What if they turn out to be really shitty parents?

Wanting to help is one thing, but it comes with some hard choices.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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09-01-2015, 01:10 PM
RE: BF (With a Crazy Mom) Giving Sperm to Lesbian Cousin
(08-01-2015 11:57 AM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  
(08-01-2015 11:47 AM)QueenTit Wrote:  Thanks for all of the advice, it's MUCH appreciated!
I definitely like the suggestions to make sure everything is done legally and through the proper channels. I actually feel that if we made sure it was all done "above-board" and the child was fully, legally theirs, it might help in quelling my bf's mom's crazy.

And I think your BF has to be in the right frame of mind for this. Relationships can and do often turn sour. Think of some worst case scenarios and honestly answer them.

What if the women split because of cheating or abuse, and the one who is at fault gets custody of the child? And what if that person isnt your BFs cousin? What if for whatever reason the cousin dies, and the other Mom takes the child to another state? Can your BF be ok in just letting that child go? He would be signing over all parental rights, which is fine when times are good and everyone is happy, but you have to plan for when things arent happy and people are pissed. What if both Moms die and the child goes with cousins wife's family to another state even though your BF would volunteer to take the child but the court says no. What if they turn out to be really shitty parents?

Wanting to help is one thing, but it comes with some hard choices.

Yes, we've definitely thought it through and are as confident as humanly possible in his/our/their ability to handle all of those situations/areas.
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09-01-2015, 06:45 PM
RE: BF (With a Crazy Mom) Giving Sperm to Lesbian Cousin
Seems like everyone is giving good advice! Though I gotta ask, how Mormon is your bf's cousin's mom and dad? They might need clear boundaries too since, unlike your bf's mom, this will be their grandchild (then again this is all if they still talk to her and accept the child as their grandchild). Not sure about all the legal things but be clear on church related things. No infant blessing (usually its a member thing, idk if they can since the cousin and your friend aren't active members but just in case they want to try to bless their grandkid), no priesthood blessings of any kind, no taking the child to primary activities, no missionaries either to your friend's home or the grandparents' home if they babysit, no attempts at a family home evening that involves the church's teachings, ext.. Then again, she probably already thought of all that. I'm only saying it just in case.

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