Bad Day
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18-03-2011, 08:21 PM
Bad Day
I usually, like a lot of other men in their 20's, bottle up my emotions and stuff them away clear in the darkest crevices; in hopes to settle my bitter ego.

But today everything kind of came undone. I'm not going to get into the specifics but I've had a very bad day. And what's worse is I felt I did nothing wrong. My honesty backfired. I took a risk with a girl who I've adorned for several years, [which I thought had feelings for me], and a number of other things that all seemed to come to a head today.

I usually feel alone and isolated, even after futile attempts of reaching out to people, and today I feel more alone than ever.

Although this seems premature and ill thought out, I can't help returning to the thought that I will die alone and sad.

Sorry for such a vague post but I didn't know where else to vent a little.
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18-03-2011, 08:28 PM
RE: Bad Day
This is as good a place as any to vent. At least here, you don't have to worry about stupid fucks telling you that god has a plan, or that a dose of positive thinking is the answer.

Life sucks. I feel like I'm in a similar boat, and I have no advice for you.
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18-03-2011, 08:50 PM
 
RE: Bad Day
I think it's for the better Utah. Hear me out.

You've been yearning for this girl for years and just now took the risk to make your feelings known. It sucks and it hurts; rejection is never appealing but you are even better off than you were during those years for one reason: you now have closure and can move on with your life.

As men, it totally sucks not having our romantic feelings reciprocated by the target of our affections. I think it's safe to say just about every guy here has had this experience at one time or other. It can hurt even more when it's someone you've secretly admired for years. And it can hurt even more than that when it's someone that you're close to.

What you have now though is a completely wide open horizon. No obstacles in your way. It hurts and take some time to stew in it a little but don't let yourself get into a rut and don't let it linger. Why spend time pining over someone who doesn't return your affections? You deserve way better than that.

I'm 36 now. I didn't meet my wife until I was 31. Up until that point I was the consummate bachelor, enjoying single life, traveling all over on my motorcycle, and preferring to stay single with short flings to break up the monotony. I had actually resigned myself to being single the rest of my life because even though I was meeting women, I couldn't seem to find anyone I felt I wanted to stay with.

Then I met my wife. At 31. It was a 3 month courtship before we were engaged and we were married at 6 months. That is how fast things sometimes work. And just like the old cliche goes, it happened precisely when I wasn't looking. Going from single to married in 6 months, with someone you knew for about 3 months prior to that is a huge change in a very short period of time.

So my advice to you is don't worry about it. Take the time you need now but again, don't let your current state linger too long. Take this time to really explore yourself (not just in that way! Wink ). Find a new hobby. Is there something you've always wanted to do or try but never found the time? Do it now. Is there somewhere you've always wanted to go? Go there soon. Read books. Listen to new music. Go to fairs and festivals and events that you wouldn't normally go to (food festivals, festivals for music you don't normally listen to - perhaps jazz festivals, etc.) Find out more about yourself. I can promise you that if you really open yourself up to experience and truly digging deep within yourself to find out exactly who you are and your likes/dislikes, when the right woman comes along - and she will, this I promise you - you will be ready for her and you will be in the perfect state of mind to receive her.

When I look back at my mid to late twenties and the time before I met my wife, I'm actually excited for you. If you use this time wisely, it can be the most uplifting and mind expanding time of your life and will transition you into the next phase of your life perfectly. Right now, the world is yours Utah. No chains, nothing tying you down. It's up to you to decide what to do with it! If there is one thing you take away from my ramblings it should be: Put yourself out there. In order to recognize opportunity and seize it, you have to be in the vicinity of it. And to do that you need to go out. Get out of the house and explore.

Of course, if this whole post sounds overly optimistic and makes you want to vomit, I can accept that. Wink
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19-03-2011, 02:37 AM
RE: Bad Day
If you are afraid to approach a lady either approach her and find out if she sees you in a good light or forget about her and move on. Unrequieted love sucks royally.

1. If she doesn't like you, you know, now you can get over it and move on. The longer you wait to meet her the more expectations you build in your mind the more it hurts if she rejects you. Also, those expectations can be very detrimental to a relationship if one does happen.

2. The longer you wait the more confidence you lose, the harder it becomes to approach her.

3. The more confidence you lose with one lady, the harder it is to approach the next lady.

4. Rejection is nothing but conformation that she isn't the lady for you.

5. You want a date? Start asking women out until you get one. When I was in high school I got fed up with not having a girlfriend so I got my yearbook and started phoning girls I knew until I got a date. I got a girlfriend from that.

6. Don't expect to find your true love right away. That seldom happens. Just go on one date. If you like her and she likes you, ask her out again. If not, ask someone else.

When I find myself in times of trouble, Richard Dawkins comes to me, speaking words of reason, now I see, now I see.
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19-03-2011, 03:53 AM
RE: Bad Day
Feel free to vent.
I feel your pain Utah - I get the same emotions.

This video usually cheers me up , hope it does the same for you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TgGkIy1w_s

Atheism is a religion like OFF is a TV channel !!!

Proud of my genetic relatives Big Grin
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19-03-2011, 05:15 AM
RE: Bad Day
Like she is going to have trouble finding a boyfriend.
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19-03-2011, 05:52 AM
RE: Bad Day
(19-03-2011 02:37 AM)No J. Wrote:  2. The longer you wait the more confidence you lose, the harder it becomes to approach her.

3. The more confidence you lose with one lady, the harder it is to approach the next lady.
I fell into the "wait, lose confidence, make it harder in the future" vicious cycle. Believe you me, it has nasty lasting effects that go on and on and on. Once I shook myself out of it, I realized that it's much better to deal with rejection if you just go for it and get rejected rather than draw it out and get rejected. Then you're free for the next lady who catches your eye Smile

Something something something Dark Side
Something something something complete
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19-03-2011, 11:07 AM
RE: Bad Day
@cfhmagnet

How did you break the cycle ? Was it a spur of the moment revelation or something you contemplated a long time ?

Atheism is a religion like OFF is a TV channel !!!

Proud of my genetic relatives Big Grin
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19-03-2011, 01:41 PM
 
RE: Bad Day
Well Utah, you're now free from feeling all that you felt for that girl but were to shy to say so, before. Now that you've gone and done it, you know where you stand. No more time wasted.

There's a woman out there that's been looking for a man like you, all her life. Now that you're free of holding this other woman in a place where she didn't hold you, you're open to find her. Congratulations! (HUGS)

And drop that idea you'll die old and alone. Thoughts have power, even if it's just in the moment you think them and feel the emotion that churns up. We all die alone, our self leaves this world. It's those we knew while here, those who carry us in their memories that then let us live on, that is but one testament to a man's (or woman's) lifetime. So, you'll never chance to die and be forgotten. You'll leave behind you those who knew you as friend, lover and companion.

But that's not for a long long time yet. Don't project the future is sadness, when you have right now to live your joy. Because you're worth happiness. I don't know you, but I know that.

Don't you? Wink Big Grin
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19-03-2011, 03:43 PM
RE: Bad Day
Thanks for all of the positive responses guys. Sometimes I beat myself up too much to get a realistic perspective.

I didn't realize how much emphasis I put on the girl! Sure that really upset me but was only a peace of the problem.

Since I live in Utah, 90 some on percent of all of my buddies left on their LDS missions. I wasn't living home so basically I felt abandoned for two years. That didn't help my already emerging depression. I finally found a few guys to chum up with and have been feeling a little better. It's amazing what a little social interaction will do for depression. But had a big falling out with one of them the other day. I did nothing wrong and neither did he. It was just a situation of bad circumstances.

I also have been sitting at home for 2 months. I recently broke both of my ankles in a climbing [although most people guess skiing] accident. Leaving a lonely skeptic to his own thoughts is a dangerous thing. Keeping busy usually helps me feel better.

I also received the hospitals bill yesterday.... To compact everything getting a 25,000 dollar bill is never a great feeling. Thank God [irony?] for insurance!

And thanks for posting the video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TgGkIy1w_s

She basically describes me to a "t" at 2:05
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