Battle Royal Gods Edition
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11-03-2012, 07:35 PM
Battle Royal Gods Edition
So TT mislead me ( I can only assume purposefully and with malicious intent Wink ) with one of his posts thread title. God VS God.

The idea appealed to me. I used to watch celebrity death match with the same horrible thrill. The age old lust for blood. The animal urge to see who is the stronger.

But alas that is not what his thread was for. Shame.

Here it is ladies and gentlemen, the holy battle of the century. GODS VS GODS

In this thread one member will propose a battle, one on one or otherwise, and then state who would win by using a brief description of the ensuing battle. This way we can learn about gods all the while pretending they are real and willing to do battle... to the death!

For round one I propose:

Jesus VS Hercules.

Jesus Powers:

Resurrection (himself and others)
Leadership
Water into Wine
Heal the sick
That's about it.

Hercules Powers:
Super Strength
Better than average speed
Strong swimmer
Immortality
Great in a fight

The battle starts with Jesus pleading for peace, for a greater understanding only to have Hercules punch him square in the face, knocking Jesus halfway across the desert (takes place in the desert for some reason)
Jesus then shows his true colors, pulling a knife from under his tunic and charging the man stallion. Hercules laughs a booming and masculine laugh that fills the heavens and weakens Jesus' resolve.
With Jesus confused Herc picks him up and throws him into a sand dune, knocking out the wind from Jesus' lungs. Jesus tries to quickly catch his breath but herc is on him in seconds. Kicks and punches land all over the meager Jesus. Suddenly from over the dune twelve men come, all armed with swords. Shouting at Herc to unhand their leader. Their Christ.
They swarm like a plague of locust, slashing and cutting the man beast, all the while Jesus slinks away over the dune and into the distance. Unfortunately for the twelve men Hercules is a monster slayer, and used to being faced with overwhelming odds. He pulls his sword from it's sheath and swings it in a circle around him, slicing all twelve men in two.
Covered in blood Hercules again laughs, shaking the heavens this time. But where is his opponent, the cheater? He scans the surrounding area, but no on... footprints in the sand. Leading over the dune.
He climbs to the top only to see a skulking Jesus trying to climb another dune and escape. Hercules is a champion runner.
In under ten seconds Hercules has Jesus up in the air, his hand clasped around the Christs throat. Jesus tries desperately to croak out an apology, but his windpipe is crushed, air is hard to get.
Hercules smiles and says "You were no competition for me. I don't know why people would follow someone who wasn't strong enough to slay his own enemies." and with that Herc plunges his sword into the heart of Jesus, sending him up to heaven. once more.
The end.

Now you go.

"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." -Jim Morrison
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11-03-2012, 08:26 PM
RE: Battle Royal Gods Edition
There is Bible Fight from adult swim...

Wondered about a god vs god game with every god imaginable. That may take a hell of a long time to make. I was thinking maybe something like Magic the Gathering or something. An rpg where you can be a class of gods might be interesting also.

A theist and an atheist go to heaven.
theist: "See! There is a heaven."
atheist: "So, you consider heaven a joke too?"
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11-03-2012, 11:13 PM
RE: Battle Royal Gods Edition
Wow, someone has too much time on his hands. Big Grin



Actually, that's just me being jealous because it's a great idea, I'm just not cool enough to come up with a good story like yours. Dodgy

"All that is necessary for the triumph of Calvinism is that good Atheists do nothing." ~Eric Oh My
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12-03-2012, 03:55 AM
RE: Battle Royal Gods Edition
Good idea, I will have a crack at it later when I have more time.

"Belief means not wanting to know what is true"
Friedrich Nietzsche
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12-03-2012, 06:22 AM (This post was last modified: 12-03-2012 08:46 AM by bemore.)
RE: Battle Royal Gods Edition
Buddha - Powers

Laughing.
Large belly.
Inner peace.
Exempt from Dharma.
Love

Hades - Powers

King of the Underworld.
King of the dead.
Key of Hades.
His dog Cerberus.

Buddha is sat in the Lotus position....hovering 2 inches above the ground emanating tranquility. His demeanour doesnt change as the ground a few feet away from him opens with a creak and from this steps Hades.

Hades: "Hey Bud...... you have escaped me long enough..... it is time"
Buddha: ".................."
Hades: "Are you deaf mortal??? Why do you not tremble at my very presence??? FEAR ME!!!!!!!!!!"

At this Buddha opens his eyes and floats gently and softly to the ground..... A white dove that was perched on his shoulder flys off into the sky and is lost in the glare of the midday sun.
Buddha: "The more you are motivated by love, the more fearless and free your actions shall be"
Hades is caught off guard for a moment.....then he starts to laugh, it is so deep and menacing that the bark on nearby trees starts to dry and crumble, animals flee, the grass around him starts to die and go back into the earth leaving nothing but barren soil around the pair. The sky begins to darken and the stillness takes on an ominous nature.

Buddha watches Hades laugh and this brings a smile to his face, he too starts to laugh, a very deep and contagious laugh that comes from his belly and a ray of light pierces the darkening sky and envelops him.

At this Hades stops..... his skullish features take on an infuriated look and he raises his arms..... "enough foolery, time to meet my children"

The ground beneath them starts to tremble.... the trees that are blackened collapse and from the ground there comes forms.... skeletons of old, some with rotten flesh start to climb from the earth, they have been at peace for a very long time and as the sun touches them they all cry out in sorrow and pain.

Hades, with his arms still raised starts to murmur words that no living thing could ever comprehend, his eyes roll back and the whites turn the darkest black, so dark and absent of light. His murmurs grow slightly louder as he starts to command his army of the dead to move towards buddha, which they do in jerky movements, the noise of wailing and sorrow that comes from them would haunt the bravest of mens dreams.

Buddha stands up and faces the oncoming army....he remains motionless as they surround and circle him. Then after a brief moment they all move to attack and harm Buddha.

"I love you, you are free, you allways have been....welcome to your new life" whispers buddha and as each one of them touches him there is a blinding flash and each one turns into an animal..... deer.... birds... bears.... cougars..... they all take on different shapes and forms.

Hades roars "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" and it is such a roar that it can be heard further from planet earth, people around the world hear this roar and go inside in fear, crossing themselves and praying to there idols, animals quiver and soil themselves, things dead and buried and long forgotten shift and the earth wobbles slightly causing the tides to change.

Hades: "HOW DARE YOU FREE MY ARMY.....NOW IT IS TIME YOU MEET CERBERUS"

From the earth springs Cerberus..... an abomination of fire that is the size of a bull and its three heads snap and growl at each other.

Hades: (laughing) "lets see what you do now"
Buddha: "If you allways do what youve allways done, you will allways get what you have allways got"
Hades: "PAH!!!!"

At this Cerbeurs start to bound across the ground between hades and Buddha...... where buddhas stands the grass has allready begun to flourish again and the army of animals he has freed from the dead all sit together in peace and unison behind him. Predator sits with prey and there is no seperation between them.

Buddha calmy reaches his hand out, palm upwards at cerberus approach and before it reaches him it starts to slow....unsure....and when it reaches him it stops. Each one of the three heads sniffs buddhas hand and gives it a tiny lick. Before Cerberus slinks down at his feet.

At this again Hades roars "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" and at hearing its masters roar each one of cerberus heads starts to howl and whine in fear.

Hades: "You may think you have won again Buddha but I shall return once more"
Buddha: "There is no winning and losing.... everything is how it should be"
Hades: "No you are wrong......I shall get you buddha your soul shall be mine"
Buddha: "I am free from Dharma, there is nothing for you to have unless I allow you to have it"

Hades opens his mouth unaturally large and from it his command to cerberus to return comes from it.... It gives a longing look at buddha and it is only when buddha nods that the dog returns to hades feet.

Hades returns to the earth with his dog and once more there is peace. A gentle breeze starts to stir the landscape and buddha returns to the lotus position.

To an outsider it is like nothing had happened.

EDIT: So no "winner" this time Smile

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

-Bemore.
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12-03-2012, 09:19 AM
RE: Battle Royal Gods Edition
Nice one!! Though I've heard rumors that Buddha wasn't actually fat.

"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." -Jim Morrison
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12-03-2012, 09:28 AM
RE: Battle Royal Gods Edition
(12-03-2012 09:19 AM)lucradis Wrote:  Nice one!! Though I've heard rumors that Buddha wasn't actually fat.

That was just to hide his secret identity. A fat belly works a whole lot better at hiding who you are than a pair of glasses.
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12-03-2012, 09:28 AM
RE: Battle Royal Gods Edition
(12-03-2012 09:19 AM)lucradis Wrote:  Nice one!! Though I've heard rumors that Buddha wasn't actually fat.

Ha ha true.....dont know if you will be able to see these pics of when I went on a working visit at the Tara buddhist center

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a...8e1f8f5bfe

Buddha isnt depicted there with a fat belly. If you cant see them ill upload them to photo bucket or something.

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

-Bemore.
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12-03-2012, 12:46 PM
RE: Battle Royal Gods Edition
Wow, I never had thought of it, because I've seen many depictions of Buddhas...

Check out Budai about the laughing Buddha. It explains much about the fat Buddha.

A theist and an atheist go to heaven.
theist: "See! There is a heaven."
atheist: "So, you consider heaven a joke too?"
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