Becoming "the right person"
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22-09-2015, 07:42 PM
Becoming "the right person"
I've often heard it said, especially in the circles of woo, that instead of putting your focus on finding the right person, you should focus on becoming the right person. I used to adhere to this until recently, this is why; if you are not the right person for someone by being yourself, aren't you just setting yourself up for failure by being something that you're not? On top of that, isn't that an act of dishonesty towards the one viewing you as being the right person for them? I think if you were to enter into a relationship under that pretense, sooner or later you will not be able to avoid being yourself, and you will cease to be the right person.

(22-08-2015 07:30 PM)Revenant77x Wrote:  It is by will alone I set my brows in motion it is by the conditioner of avocado that the brows acquire volume the skin acquires spots the spots become a warning. It is by will alone I set my brows in motion.
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22-09-2015, 07:45 PM
RE: Becoming "the right person"
Huh

So you're saying you are already the right person?

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22-09-2015, 08:06 PM (This post was last modified: 22-09-2015 08:28 PM by jennybee.)
RE: Becoming "the right person"
I say be yourself. I would like to believe there's a pot for every lid (or however that saying goes). I spent enough time being the type of person I thought a magical sky god wanted. I don't want to change myself in the hopes that someone will like me. Am I petrified that if I leave my current rship, I will have a hard time finding someone else--hell yeah I am. I have a lot of what some may (wrongly) perceive as negatives. I'm vegan, an atheist, and I don't want a conventional life. I want love in my life, but at the same time, I can't imagine not being true to myself anymore. I really don't want to make myself into someone I'm not.
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22-09-2015, 10:42 PM
RE: Becoming "the right person"
People stress over relationships in general waaayyyy too much. e-harmony and match.com make a killing out of making people feel paranoid if they don't meet the 'right one.' I date a lot, it's fun...I've been in love and have had relationships, but if I ever start stressing over meeting the 'right one,' it's time to figure out why. Stay true to you, and the right person for you, will be drawn to you.

Be true to yourself. Heart
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22-09-2015, 10:50 PM
RE: Becoming "the right person"
Once I figured out I'm crazy I just embraced it. It's worked out well for me so far.
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22-09-2015, 11:06 PM
RE: Becoming "the right person"
If someone is making you feel like you need to "become the right person", then it's probably them who is wrong for you.
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22-09-2015, 11:21 PM
RE: Becoming "the right person"
Already gotta put on a mask to be in public. I'm not fond of the idea of doing it in my own home too. It gets tiring trying to fit in, and I need to recharge my batteries at some point.

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22-09-2015, 11:43 PM
RE: Becoming "the right person"
I just think it's another way of saying that you have to love yourself before you can expect someone else to love you.

It rings true for the most part. You'll never be happy in a relationship if you always picture the other person viewing you the way you view yourself if you can't see the good in yourself to start with.

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
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23-09-2015, 03:58 AM
RE: Becoming "the right person"
I think what people generally mean when they say something like this is that we are to work on smoothing out our character flaws. But some character flaws can be so ingrained in someone's identity that it would be impossible to change permanently. I'm not posting this because I'm looking or worried about finding someone, I am just taking inventory of how I have thought in the past and why it's bullshit Big Grin

(22-08-2015 07:30 PM)Revenant77x Wrote:  It is by will alone I set my brows in motion it is by the conditioner of avocado that the brows acquire volume the skin acquires spots the spots become a warning. It is by will alone I set my brows in motion.
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23-09-2015, 05:36 AM
RE: Becoming "the right person"
You are right: the idea that becoming the "best" and truest version of yourself will irresistably draw members of your preferred gender to you is magical bullshit at its finest. Although there's certainly some personal satisfaction involved in improving or changing things about yourself that bother you.

However, I think there's good sense in the idea that some self-confidence/self-deveopment is helpful in interacting with others. There is something off-putting about someone who's trying too hard to be agreeable and not revealing anything about their own preferences.

Example: trying to go to dinner with my father and stepmother. I say, "where would you like to go?" "Oh, anywhere is fine." "Italian or Greek?" "Whichever one you choose, they both sound good." (and then you pick the restaurant and it turns out there's only one thing my father cares to eat on the menu and that dish disappoints, but it's okay because he just wanted to spend time with us, so he'll just sit and drink his water while everyone eats…etc., etc., ad nauseum). That's frustrating as hell, because it puts the burden of whether we have a good time all on one person.

Does that make sense?
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