Been hurting
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
12-03-2013, 05:46 PM (This post was last modified: 12-03-2013 05:55 PM by Momsurroundedbyboys.)
RE: Been hurting
Holy crap it is has been thst long! And yea...we've been together for so long i think we both assume a lot. Like maybe we think we dont have to talk. Sometimes he can be very sweet. Smile

Sometimes he goes a long time between being sweet. And also, sometimes he makes me feel bad. It's rarely intentual.

Sometimes I dunno...it feels that way to me. He doesn't see himself as being any different as he always is. He sees his wife as just being a little nutty...which is what leads to him being dismissive.

We kinda go to our corners and just don't talk for a while. I just get super quiet and polite. I also hate confronting things. Which again...is probably part of my problem. I can go to bat for my kiddo...but I can't do it without ending up crying...

Wind's in the east, a mist coming in
Like something is brewing and about to begin
Can't put my finger on what lies in store
but I feel what's to happen has happened before...


Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
14-03-2013, 04:26 PM
RE: Been hurting
I want to start off by saying that I didn't get a chance to read every reply that people have posted to you, so I apologize if I say anything that has already been said by another member.

Your story sounds a bit similar to my own. I'm a stay-at-home parent with 3 young kids. My husband is very sensitive of his own feelings but very negligent of the feelings of others. I tolerated many years of him being dismissive and hurtful but have recently started saying what is on my mind. Words hurt, and it just isn't worth it to hold in that pain. I go to a therapist and I take medication for depression and ADD. I resisted medication for quite a while, but one day I realized that I was nearly immobilized by the depression that had sunk in over time. Eventually the anti-depressant started working in my system, and it was enough to get me motivated again. I started working on myself because I never wanted to go back to those bad feelings again. That meant I had to start confronting the issues between my husband and myself.

I cannot force my husband to change, I can't make him behave differently than he does. But I can change how I react to him and how he affects my moods. If your husband makes a remark about the cleanliness of the house tell him "it hurts my feelings when you joke like that", it's as simple as that. He might not like it, but at least you are expressing how you feel. Odds are it will come out that his comments aren't merely just jokes as he likes to say they are.

Being a parent is hard work. You are a parent, not a housekeeper. When you are with the kids your job is to take care of them, that alone is a lot of work. How can you be expected to also keep everything clean and do all the cooking?

You are doing the job of three different people, minus the paycheck and the respect. You deserve respect from your husband for what you do. Small comments here and there since 1984 will add up, it is disrespectful of him.

We're living the only life we're ever going to have, this is our one shot. Please take care of yourself.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like PurpleChimp's post
14-03-2013, 05:08 PM (This post was last modified: 14-03-2013 05:11 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Been hurting
(14-03-2013 04:26 PM)PurpleChimp Wrote:  I cannot force my husband to change, I can't make him behave differently than he does. But I can change how I react to him and how he affects my moods. If your husband makes a remark about the cleanliness of the house tell him "it hurts my feelings when you joke like that", it's as simple as that.

It is as simple as that. 30 seconds later you will know if you're dealing with a partner, or a prick, or some fucker who ain't quite sure which he is 'cause he's too fucking dim to have even considered it before. ...

I am us and we is me. ... bitches.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like GirlyMan's post
14-03-2013, 05:25 PM
RE: Been hurting
(14-03-2013 05:08 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(14-03-2013 04:26 PM)PurpleChimp Wrote:  I cannot force my husband to change, I can't make him behave differently than he does. But I can change how I react to him and how he affects my moods. If your husband makes a remark about the cleanliness of the house tell him "it hurts my feelings when you joke like that", it's as simple as that.

It is as simple as that. 30 seconds later you will know if you're dealing with a partner, or a prick, or some fucker who ain't quite sure which he is 'cause he's too fucking dim to have even considered it before. ...

Sometimes it feels kinda crowded here like I'm married to all three of those guys.

A couple days ago we celebrated steak and bj day (which some suggest is actually today, others argue its the 20th)...he was soooo happy he sent me a YouTube of a song that reminded him of me...

She's got a way by billy Joel.

It was rather thoughtful of him.

Wind's in the east, a mist coming in
Like something is brewing and about to begin
Can't put my finger on what lies in store
but I feel what's to happen has happened before...


Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Momsurroundedbyboys's post
14-03-2013, 05:51 PM
RE: Been hurting
(14-03-2013 05:25 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  A couple days ago we celebrated steak and bj day. ....

dirty girl, hehehehehehehehe ...


(14-03-2013 05:25 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  She's got a way by billy Joel.

It was rather thoughtful of him.

On behalf of your husband making a proper post. Big Grin




I am us and we is me. ... bitches.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes GirlyMan's post
16-03-2013, 03:28 AM
RE: Been hurting
In my humble opinion, you are in a relationship that borderlines on verbal abuse. How do I know? Because I used to make the same comments to my wife. I "joked" a lot about her shortcomings and it slowly caused her depression, low self-esteem, attempts to overachieve, etc.

I don't think YOU have a problem, I think you have a RELATIONSHIP problem.
Stand up for yourself. Be confident. Tell him he needs to help more. Spend time with girlfriends.

Love Languages is a good book (ignore the religious stuff...there isn't much) that worked for us.
I realized that my "jokes" were really not jokes...I was putting her down and it affected her.

Good luck!
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes mikeyD's post
16-03-2013, 12:57 PM
RE: Been hurting
(16-03-2013 03:28 AM)mikeyD Wrote:  In my humble opinion, you are in a relationship that borderlines on verbal abuse. How do I know? Because I used to make the same comments to my wife. I "joked" a lot about her shortcomings and it slowly caused her depression, low self-esteem, attempts to overachieve, etc.

I don't think YOU have a problem, I think you have a RELATIONSHIP problem.
Stand up for yourself. Be confident. Tell him he needs to help more. Spend time with girlfriends.

Love Languages is a good book (ignore the religious stuff...there isn't much) that worked for us.
I realized that my "jokes" were really not jokes...I was putting her down and it affected her.

Good luck!

Thank you for taking the time to reply. Relationships are work, I guess, I feel like I'm putting in more effort than he is. But they also ebb and flow -- sometimes it shifts. Yes, he does put me down sometimes and yea, my own guilt sometimes does allow it to continue. Because there's always a kernel of truth to what he says.

We did talk about this finally. We were both very open and are making a concerted effort to reconnect. So far, so good.

Thanks again

Wind's in the east, a mist coming in
Like something is brewing and about to begin
Can't put my finger on what lies in store
but I feel what's to happen has happened before...


Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Momsurroundedbyboys's post
16-03-2013, 01:38 PM
RE: Been hurting
Awesome!

I'm happy to hear that.

"Whores perform the same function as priests, but far more thoroughly." - Robert A. Heinlein
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Aseptic Skeptic's post
16-03-2013, 10:10 PM
RE: Been hurting
(16-03-2013 12:57 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  We did talk about this finally.

Speaking from experience, that must've been hell for the old fella. Big Grin

I am us and we is me. ... bitches.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
17-03-2013, 07:06 AM (This post was last modified: 17-03-2013 07:23 AM by Chas.)
RE: Been hurting
I understand that you've been hurting, but please stop taking it out on me in 'Words With Friends'.

You're fucking brutal. Weeping

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
[Image: flagstiny%206.gif]
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: