Being the Black Sheep
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30-03-2011, 12:50 AM
Being the Black Sheep
For the vast majourity of my life, my oldest brother has been the black sheep of the family. While I was the quiet one, my other brother was the religious one, and my little sister was the adorable one, the oldest has always been the troublemaker, going into witchcraft and satanism just to spite my religious dad and always overshadowing other differences with his radical negative attention-seeking ways (I don't mean to paint him as so terrible a picture--he's fun to hang around with at times and I love him as my brother, but he certainly knew how to be antagonistic).

Earlier today he was "saved" and is now a devoted fundamentalist Christian after talking with my dad. That makes me the only non-fundie Christian in the family now, and the black sheep by default.

I've never been the type to seek out attention, so the sudden switch to being "that child" is awkward to me, and I have no doubt more pressure and attention is going to be drawn to my atheism, which I'm perfectly content to keep to myself (I'm an out atheist, but not loud about it in any way).

I'm sure that many here are labelled the black sheep in their families as well, but I'm wondering if there are any others like me, who don't care about the deconversion of their families but are forced into dialogues (read: debates) about their beliefs because they're different. I may not show it on here, but I can handle myself in a debate quite well (at least with fundies, but that's supposed to be easy pickings Tongue), but I really hate doing it. Maybe I'm paranoid. Maybe they're not out to convert me. Tongue But my dad talking to the eldest recently about it bodes ill for me who would rather lock that topic away forever.

All this is in terrible timing, too, considering I was planning on coming out as a transsexual to my family in just a few months. Now that it's 4 fundies (I feel it's unfair to include my 13 year old little sister who doesn't really care about things not related to Justin Bieber) v. me, I feel a little sick about it.

"It does feel like something to be wrong; it feels like being right." -Kathryn Schulz
I am 100% certain that I am wrong about something I am certain about right now. Because even if everything I stand for turns out to be completely true, I was still wrong about being wrong.
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30-03-2011, 01:19 AM
RE: Being the Black Sheep
Good grief! I have no idea what to say, except "keep yor mouth shut". Consider the possibility that remaining in the closet, with them, may be the way to go.

When I find myself in times of trouble, Richard Dawkins comes to me, speaking words of reason, now I see, now I see.
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30-03-2011, 05:20 AM
RE: Being the Black Sheep
Seeing as how my biological family itself is the black sheep of the collective family I never expected to be understood. And you know perfectly fine that I've already stepped over the gender hurdle Kittae. Most things work fine if you never instigate them and when someone comes at you you try not to say too much. As I told you get into college so that you'll have a slight barrier between your family if you haven't already. There's about a 47% success rate for trans inclusion in families. Which is really better than most people think. Sometimes the ones you expect to be the worst are most accepting. What I would do is look at how your family handled your older brother and see how bad that was. As fundamentalists they shouldn't treat you any worse than a satanist because that would be a polar opposite.

You know it's going to be hard, sorry we haven't had many talks in a while. Remember that when you are the minority in an argument the best stance to have is that you understand the opinions of the arguer and there is something beyond their opinions that effects you. Never blame your family for being Trans and reinforce your family that it's not due to their actions. Most aggressive family members are people who think it's their fault you do it. Once the blame is removed from the equation relationships become much easier.

And to anyone who thinks that this is an issue that can't be mentioned. It's one of those things that if kept secret means those people never really know you. It's a horrible suggestion to someone that is trying to figure everything out that their family should just always be given a lie about them. If you want your family to be a part of your life then your family has to be given the chance. They'll never be a serious part of your life when they consider you a different gender. It just doesn't work that way. Family is sometimes about self sacrifice, but it should never be about self suppression. Be kind and helpful to your loved ones, and willing enough to let them know everything about you that can affect your relationship.

I'm not a non believer, I believe in the possibility of anything. I just don't let the actuality of something be determined by a 3rd party.
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31-03-2011, 01:10 AM
RE: Being the Black Sheep
Lilith understands your situation a lot better than I do, or even can.

When I find myself in times of trouble, Richard Dawkins comes to me, speaking words of reason, now I see, now I see.
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