Best answering machine messages...
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27-03-2017, 11:41 AM
Best answering machine messages...
"Customer Service. How the fuck did you get this number?"

"CIA switchboard, we already know who you're trying to call."

"National Weather Service. Don't you have a window?"

"Microsoft Answer Line." Followed by immediate hang-up.
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27-03-2017, 11:55 AM
RE: Best answering machine messages...
I'm debating the following two. The first, I know someone who did it.

"Hello? Hello? Is there anyone there? Hello? I can barely hear anything on the line. Hello?"

This is interspersed with blank time for people to keep trying to get through, talking louder and louder.

Then, "Leave a message." Evil_monster

Hello, we are screening our calls. If you are a telemarketer, don't expect a call back, even if you do leave a message. Also, you may as well remove our number from your call list, because we aren't ever going to pick up for you.
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27-03-2017, 12:16 PM
RE: Best answering machine messages...
(27-03-2017 11:41 AM)Gawdzilla Wrote:  "Microsoft Answer Line." Followed by immediate hang-up.

Not a hang up, permanent hold with cheesy muzak

Atheism: it's not just for communists any more!
America July 4 1776 - November 8 2016 RIP
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27-03-2017, 12:22 PM
RE: Best answering machine messages...
'Sorry I can't answer the phone, but I am having awesome, mind blowing sex right now. Leave a message and I'll call you back after the post-orgasmic glow has worn off...'

Or the more sedate...

'Hello, domino's pizza, please leave your order after the beep'

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27-03-2017, 03:40 PM
RE: Best answering machine messages...
(27-03-2017 11:41 AM)Gawdzilla Wrote:  "CIA switchboard, we already know who you're trying to call."

That would be "NSA switchboard, ....."

"IN THRUST WE TRUST"

"We were conservative Jews and that meant we obeyed God's Commandments until His rules became a royal pain in the ass."

- Joel Chastnoff, The 188th Crybaby Brigade
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27-03-2017, 03:50 PM
RE: Best answering machine messages...
(27-03-2017 03:40 PM)Carlo_The_Bugsmasher_Driver Wrote:  
(27-03-2017 11:41 AM)Gawdzilla Wrote:  "CIA switchboard, we already know who you're trying to call."

That would be "NSA switchboard, ....."
:sigh: There is No Such Agency. Drinking Beverage
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27-03-2017, 04:49 PM
RE: Best answering machine messages...
I used to have this on my answering maching:
"Hi this is Leerobs' toaster. The answering machine is on PTO but you can leave your message with me!"

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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27-03-2017, 05:14 PM
RE: Best answering machine messages...
Dave's Mortuary. You stab, we slab 'em.

Dave's abortion clinic. You rape 'em, we scrape 'em. Kind of rude. Blush
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28-03-2017, 04:17 AM
RE: Best answering machine messages...
[Image: giphy.gif]

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28-03-2017, 01:41 PM
RE: Best answering machine messages...
*thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump* *beep!*

Don't let those gnomes and their illusions get you down. They're just gnomes and illusions.

--Jake the Dog, Adventure Time

Alouette, je te plumerai.
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