Betraying confidences, what might you do here?
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08-11-2014, 12:42 AM
RE: Betraying confidences, what might you do here?
Some excellent advice here, dearest Deedee. This is what I meant by assertiveness, which I linked here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assertiveness


- Some good advice on this thread I saw, quotes:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Be as upfront, to the point, as possible. "Don't bring it up again. Period. This is not a topic for discussion."

I'd tell him, "hey, please don't bring that up. I told you that thinking you'd understand and you're betraying my confidence in you by abusing what I told you."

I would say it's not just rude of her to bring it up, it's highly manipulative. She's trying to guilt trip you every time you have a conflict... Tell her straight in her face to stop it there and then. If she does it again, turn around and sever this relationship (I can't call it a friendship, sorry).

I try not to confide in people who I often hear taking shots at others when they're not present.

Even if you think of someone as your "best" friend but you find them talking about other people, don't trust them!! They'll talk about you with others, I guarantee you that.


- And this gem:

There are people who seem to be wired to pick up on your greatest weakness (vulnerability is probably a better word) and they store that and use it against you. They pull this out to knock you off guard. Those things make you less rational and more emotional thereby often giving them the upper hand at least for a moment. Since this person keeps doing it I would say you ask/tell them to stop. If they don't then it's obvious they don't really care and not having them in your life any more would be a good thing.

~~~~~~~~~

I could share more of my experiences with this issue (I have had some really shitty experiences as you are personally aware), but I'll save that for later.


Mequa Smile
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08-11-2014, 12:50 AM (This post was last modified: 08-11-2014 12:54 AM by Mequa.)
RE: Betraying confidences, what might you do here?
A nice quote from ancient Greek philosophy, relevant to this topic:

"He who best knew how to meet fear of external foes made into one family all the creatures he could; and those he could not, he at any rate did not treat as aliens; and where he found even this impossible, he avoided all association, and, so far as was useful, kept them at a distance."
- Epicurus, Principle Doctrine #39, c. 300 B.C.E.
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09-11-2014, 02:07 PM
RE: Betraying confidences, what might you do here?
(08-11-2014 12:50 AM)Mequa Wrote:  A nice quote from ancient Greek philosophy, relevant to this topic:

"He who best knew how to meet fear of external foes made into one family all the creatures he could; and those he could not, he at any rate did not treat as aliens; and where he found even this impossible, he avoided all association, and, so far as was useful, kept them at a distance."
- Epicurus, Principle Doctrine #39, c. 300 B.C.E.

You have no earthly idea how timely this message is for me, today, dear Mequa. I think I may have to print this one out and pin it to my frig in the kitchen. lol
Thank you, friend. Hug

Be true to yourself. Heart
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09-11-2014, 02:11 PM
RE: Betraying confidences, what might you do here?
(05-11-2014 06:01 PM)Anjele Wrote:  There are people who seem to be wired to pick up on your greatest weakness (vulnerability is probably a better word) and they store that and use it against you. They pull this out to knock you off guard. Those things make you less rational and more emotional thereby often giving them the upper hand at least for a moment. Since this person keeps doing it I would say you ask/tell them to stop. If they don't then it's obvious they don't really care and not having them in your life any more would be a good thing.

This x 1000

There is an old but good adage...good friends are like gold, rare and hard to find. lol So true. I think that it's easy to toss the word 'friend' out these days, in the advent of social network sites, face book, etc...When I used FB, I'd notice people who had 1000 ''friends'' on their lists, and thought...this person probably doesn't even KNOW 1000 people. But, it goes to show how technology has watered down the true meaning of the word, 'friend.' There has been a subtle, gradual degradation of the word, ''friend,'' and thus we tend to trust too quickly, and that can carry over into offline as well, this mindset of opening up our hearts too quickly.

Thanks Anjele, for the thoughtful post here. Heart

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