Blazing with Anger!!!
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03-05-2013, 02:33 AM
Blazing with Anger!!!
You see I'm a college student and so I think of myself as a rational person. I read what the evil, stupid atheists write on forums. I remember thinking to myself, "Wow God, you got a lot of ass kicking on judgement day.". I would even laugh at their blasphemy and sometimes feel sorry for them. Poor, poor souls, they know not what they do.

My family is very religious. At least there's a no compromise policy when it comes to church. Sunday morning comes and no negotiations are tolerated. This is a charismatic church with the tongues of bullshit and money, money, money! I started asking questions like, "Why is it that when I'm poorly prepared for a test but pray like a monk, I fail. But when I work my ass off and pray, my success is attributed to the praying and God?". The answers were always God works with people that work with themselves. He meets us half way. Well I go tired of hearing that nonsense.

I didn't go through a period of being an agnostic then an atheist. I pretty much went from christian to atheist (once I'd had enough of the things that made no sense) at 300 thousand kilometers per second. The people in my family do fine. But they want to be rich. Yet they reject all knowledge contained in the entire human compendium. You won't find business books in their book shelves. The books you will find are: How to speak into the kingdom to get your blessing, How to access your heavenly bank account, 30 fold 60 fold 100 fold blessing. A lot of the suggestions are about giving even more of your money away. The list goes on and on. The logic behind this is that peoples' businesses fail even with their MBAs and all those text books they've read. To do business you need God. This is why I'm angry!!!

I'm sure you can envisage my circumstances. I'm surrounded by.....let's not go there. I do love my family after all. I can't even get advise from my mother. If I seek it, I get referred to the good book. Almost every time it's that fucking book! I'm a young man that lives in this world. I need practical advise. I need to get told how I should handle things sometimes. I don't need to read/hear how non existent people did or would do things if put in my position. I feel like I'm the only adult and I'm not. This is why I'm angry!!!

I had a problem that impaired my academic progress for a long time. I couldn't achieve the results that I wanted to. I wanted to be at the top of the class and be the best in my field. Why didn't Jesus answer my prayers? Why didn't he tell me that xyz was my problem and was the thing holding me back? My goals and desires are virtuous. My mom said I failed because I don't surrender myself wholeheartedly to Jesus. Let me tell you that if I did that I'd still be fucked up right now! Failing cost me the best relationship with a beautiful girl I was with for 3 years. Thank you Jesus! All you had to do was just tell me my issue and I would have worked on in promptly. I THANK GOD (phrase used for emphasis) I used my brain. I used my in built competitive nature and finally solved my problem. But the costs have been heavy. I look like an idiot to my peers who are ahead of me. This is why I'm angry!!!

I was in deep. I fasted and prayed and did everything. The one time I went without food or drink for 24 hours because I was so devoted. My prayers went unanswered. I was a fool! But by whatever power I have I will be a fool no longer!!! I constantly rehearse conversations out loud about the non existence of God. Without realising, I notice I'm shouting. If I was sitting down I'd notice I'm standing up. I spit venom in the air. These are hypothetical conversations I'd have with my family members all gathered around. My God! The blasphemy that will come out my mouth. I AM WROTH WITH PURE FURY!!! I. CAN'T. TAKE. IT! THIS IS WHY I'M ANGRY!!!
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03-05-2013, 09:07 PM
RE: Blazing with Anger!!!
First off, welcome Smile

You may be in the second stage (anger) of the mourning process as your situation is not unlike a broken relationship or a death in the family.
They are totally understandable and somewhat necessary feelings in this scenario so take solace in the fact that those feelings won't last and that eventually you will have acceptance.
Take care

Humankind Dodgy (a total misnomer)
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03-05-2013, 09:09 PM
RE: Blazing with Anger!!!
I also feel like a fool for praying for the Judeo-Christian God to talk to me...only to experience silence.
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08-05-2013, 12:21 PM
RE: Blazing with Anger!!!
I got bunk advice like that every time as well. Usually it felt like they were saying "I'm busy, kid. Go away. shoo shoo"
Why not be displeased about losing one's potential to someone else's incompetence?

~Would prefer that fewer humans type or speak down.~
~One only takes it for a while.~
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