Breaking silence
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06-07-2013, 07:13 PM
Re: Breaking silence
This has really been disturbing me as well.

When I was in kindergarten through about first or second grade I was sexually abused. I felt guilty then and I still do, as if I should have know better to tell someone. Finally one day my mother found out and kicked that guy to the curb. But the only real closure I got was in 8th grade.

I found out the man had hanged himself.

There is a satisfaction to that. Knowing he can never hurt anyone again. Also guilt, I can't help but feel its my fault.

Normally I handle it well. Keep it out of my mind. But then this comes up here.

Worst yet. When I try to be discrete in telling you guys it bothers me, I am told to stop hurting them, and violating their rights, offending them. To get over myself...I'm made the bad guy. This news has mixed oddly with the other guilt I feel from the past. Maybe I really truly am....haven't been in a good space due to this today. Thankfully Near is here. Most amazing man alive putting up with my crazy and sadness. I love you.

I thought I had made some very good friends here. Turns out that wasn't as many as I thought. (Anjele...thank you for speaking up for me when I've been unable to speak due to the hurt some have caused me today, you are an amazing friend, you are certainly an exception).

I'll probably end up staying, due to the couple people here. But I've learned that I need to guard myself here, I will be more careful.

Thank you OP for giving me somewhere to post this. Been wondering where I could safely express this. But I am prepared for the backlash.

"People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use." Soren Kierkegaard
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06-07-2013, 07:16 PM
RE: Breaking silence
I don't think you need to be more careful, really.

It's horrible that you can't feel free to speak up here and they can. Just horrible.

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Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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06-07-2013, 07:17 PM (This post was last modified: 06-07-2013 07:26 PM by Anjele.)
RE: Breaking silence
Hugs to all of you...I don't like to be touched so I can't say hugs to us all.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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06-07-2013, 07:37 PM
RE: Breaking silence
Hobbit Girl -- there shouldn't be any backlash. I felt the same thing. It's hard to express it...especially when people don't really understand the emotions that are involved. They don't get the pain. They figure like I did for years...just get over it...it's over or whatever...

I, too went through years of guilt, blamed myself...acted out...even tho I ddn't understand that's what it was.

That's why I started this thread. Maybe to help myself and hopefully let others know they're not alone.


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Wind's in the east, a mist coming in
Like something is brewing and about to begin
Can't put my finger on what lies in store
but I feel what's to happen has happened before...


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06-07-2013, 07:38 PM
RE: Breaking silence
(06-07-2013 07:37 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  Hobbit Girl -- there shouldn't be any backlash. I felt the same thing. It's hard to express it...especially when people don't really understand the emotions that are involved. They don't get the pain. They figure like I did for years...just get over it...it's over or whatever...

I, too went through years of guilt, blamed myself...acted out...even tho I ddn't understand that's what it was.

That's why I started this thread. Maybe to help myself and hopefully let others know they're not alone.

Mom, Hobbit, it's a HUGE step towards healing to speak out. And I will defend your right to do so with everything I've got.

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Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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06-07-2013, 07:39 PM
RE: Breaking silence
As will I.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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06-07-2013, 08:00 PM
RE: Breaking silence
(06-07-2013 07:37 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  I, too went through years of guilt, blamed myself...acted out...even tho I ddn't understand that's what it was.

I repressed it, I felt no guilt once it was over, but a ton during the duration. I completely forgot for many years. Not a trace of memory of 4 years of my life, the entire thing was gone, all those years.

And boy, did I act out. My poor parents, they never knew. And heck, I didn't know why I was acting out so badly. And I didn't remember all those wonderful things they did for and with me until after "HE" died. My parents got cheated in this too, they had to put up with a brat and die without ever knowing why.

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06-07-2013, 08:27 PM
RE: Breaking silence
I think thats probably the issue. People who dont know cant understand. Its a serious violation. What also creeps me out is one of those....people....are in here reading as we speak.

"People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use." Soren Kierkegaard
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06-07-2013, 08:30 PM
RE: Breaking silence
They can read, but this is the support section and there are rules, it is not allowed to upset people who post here. You are safe.

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06-07-2013, 08:33 PM
RE: Breaking silence
(06-07-2013 08:00 PM)Dom Wrote:  
(06-07-2013 07:37 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  I, too went through years of guilt, blamed myself...acted out...even tho I ddn't understand that's what it was.

I repressed it, I felt no guilt once it was over, but a ton during the duration. I completely forgot for many years. Not a trace of memory of 4 years of my life, the entire thing was gone, all those years.

And boy, did I act out. My poor parents, they never knew. And heck, I didn't know why I was acting out so badly. And I didn't remember all those wonderful things they did for and with me until after "HE" died. My parents got cheated in this too, they had to put up with a brat and die without ever knowing why.

I didn't repress my memories, I tended to compartmentalize them in such a way that I knew they happened but pretended they hadn't happened.

But the acting out -- yea it was awful. Trying to deal -- not having the ability to cope. I did drugs, sex...staying out late..sneaking out..

I learned later all those things were connected to the abuse. I didnt care about school -- except to party.

I know many did those things without being abused, but the excess for me was a form of self medicating.

Thanks so much Dom!


[Image: mrhanky.jpg]

Wind's in the east, a mist coming in
Like something is brewing and about to begin
Can't put my finger on what lies in store
but I feel what's to happen has happened before...


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