Breaking silence
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
07-07-2013, 11:52 AM
RE: Breaking silence
Especially with the people reading here. Unfortunately.

'See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way.' -JF
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Anjele's post
07-07-2013, 12:27 PM
RE: Breaking silence
(07-07-2013 08:50 AM)Dom Wrote:  So what do you guys think of this remark:

Quote:simgiran Wrote: The main points I remember are: Never make the victim feel responsible for the abuse. (Unfortunately there is still too many people who do. It can make horrible harm.) Be there for the victims, tell them that what happened to may feel them bad, feel damaged and that in such case you are there for them.

Would you have preferred if your abuser had comforted you and told you he was there to support you?

As a 4 year old, I would have eaten that up and gotten further under his spell. I think it just makes it easier for the abuser to come back for more. It doesn't help the victim at all to be comforted by the abuser, quite the opposite.

What do you think?

My father actually said that to me. That I shouldn't feel shame and that he was there for me. That dunno...was like he was saying...don't tell anyone but talk to me...

Like excusing it and making himself feel better all at the same time. That's what those words do. It minimalized what my father did. Made it seem trivial and ok.

It took years for me to understand that he had hurt me.

I know many reading this won't understand it or they might not even believe it. But it's true.


Wind's in the east, a mist coming in
Like something is brewing and about to begin
Can't put my finger on what lies in store
but I feel what's to happen has happened before...


Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
07-07-2013, 12:28 PM
RE: Breaking silence
I think they all do that.

"People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use." Soren Kierkegaard
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
07-07-2013, 12:28 PM
RE: Breaking silence
(07-07-2013 05:12 AM)NL Atheist Wrote:  Being a normal guy with normal, loving parents and a normal, loving family I can't imagine what it's like being treated so badly by your the people you're supposed to trust. I can only imagine it's very hard.

I can only give you lots of cyber-hugs Hug

Thank you so much!


Wind's in the east, a mist coming in
Like something is brewing and about to begin
Can't put my finger on what lies in store
but I feel what's to happen has happened before...


Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
07-07-2013, 12:33 PM
RE: Breaking silence
Stockholm syndrome, like I mentioned...but was not commented on the other thread.

'See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way.' -JF
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
07-07-2013, 12:36 PM
RE: Breaking silence
(07-07-2013 11:28 AM)KidCharlemagne1962 Wrote:  MSBB and Dom - I wish there was something I could do to make this go away. Please don't let this keep you away from here. We need you both! If you ever need to vent feel free to vent on me. We can't let them win.

Thanks so much! Really thank you.


Wind's in the east, a mist coming in
Like something is brewing and about to begin
Can't put my finger on what lies in store
but I feel what's to happen has happened before...


Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
07-07-2013, 12:36 PM
RE: Breaking silence
(07-07-2013 12:27 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  It took years for me to understand that he had hurt me.

I know many reading this won't understand it or they might not even believe it. But it's true.

That - people don't get that kids are able to put up an armor around inexplicable traumatic events. The kids look and act ok, except for perhaps some excessive acting out or being a bit distant and withdrawn.

But once you are adult, your brain keeps drawing at stored events to evaluate present situations, and the hidden, unresolved crap will be referenced here and there and cause inexplicable reactions. Like recoiling from being touched - for no reason.

Then one day you get triggered - something tugs too hard on that armor the little kid built. And there - you've stepped on the land mine.

I think this is the part most people just can't get. The responses are too irrational. They are the thoughts of a little girl or boy during abuse, and they consume the adult. It really is a whole lot like PTS.

[Image: dobie.png]

Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Dom's post
07-07-2013, 12:38 PM
RE: Breaking silence
(07-07-2013 11:30 AM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  Blaugh. Disgusting

Whatever it is hugs..


Wind's in the east, a mist coming in
Like something is brewing and about to begin
Can't put my finger on what lies in store
but I feel what's to happen has happened before...


Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
07-07-2013, 12:45 PM
RE: Breaking silence
I think that people outside of the situation, like me, should be careful with what they say on these issues. It's such a sensitive and complicated topic.
That's why I try my best to understand, but also recognise that I can never fully understand. I can only show compassion and send you all lots of love.

[Image: godtroll.php]
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like NL Atheist's post
07-07-2013, 12:50 PM
RE: Breaking silence
(07-07-2013 12:36 PM)Dom Wrote:  
(07-07-2013 12:27 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  It took years for me to understand that he had hurt me.

I know many reading this won't understand it or they might not even believe it. But it's true.

That - people don't get that kids are able to put up an armor around inexplicable traumatic events. The kids look and act ok, except for perhaps some excessive acting out or being a bit distant and withdrawn.

But once you are adult, your brain keeps drawing at stored events to evaluate present situations, and the hidden, unresolved crap will be referenced here and there and cause inexplicable reactions. Like recoiling from being touched - for no reason.

Then one day you get triggered - something tugs too hard on that armor the little kid built. And there - you've stepped on the land mine.

I think this is the part most people just can't get. The responses are too irrational. They are the thoughts of a little girl or boy during abuse, and they consume the adult. It really is a whole lot like PTS.

It's layers and layers built up. Suddenly it feels like they're shedding and you're reliving it. The reactions are an irrational response driven by fear. You can't just shut it off...the need to self-protect comes out.


Wind's in the east, a mist coming in
Like something is brewing and about to begin
Can't put my finger on what lies in store
but I feel what's to happen has happened before...


Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Momsurroundedbyboys's post
Post Reply

Possibly Related Threads...
Thread: Author Replies: Views: Last Post
  off topic..breaking up with my best friend. Adrianime 60 1,055 10-02-2014 12:00 AM
Last Post: Adrianime
Forum Jump: