Breaking silence
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07-07-2013, 12:54 PM
RE: Breaking silence
(07-07-2013 12:45 PM)NL Atheist Wrote:  I think that people outside of the situation, like me, should be careful with what they say on these issues. It's such a sensitive and complicated topic.
That's why I try my best to understand, but also recognise that I can never fully understand. I can only show compassion and send you all lots of love.

And I completely appreciate the compassion you've shown here. You're right tho, many people don't know what to say and they're afraid of making it worse.

I'm trying to keep that in mind.


God is a concept by which we measure our pain -- John Lennon

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07-07-2013, 12:57 PM
RE: Breaking silence
I suppose part of what is hard to understand is similar to my experience the the other abuses I suffered. I have told people before that I would rather take a beating than the emotional and verbal abuse.

A lot of physical wounds can be healed. Not all of them, of course.

But emotional and psychological damage is a whole different thing. The aspects of abuse that fuck with your mind and destroy your self-worth are so hard to repair, if they can truly be repaired. They come out in so many different ways and affect so many aspects of a person's life.

Knowing that my mother hated me and there was nothing I could do to win her over was a hard pill to swallow...if your own mother doesn't love you, how can you think anyone else will? Knowing that a lot of the beatings I endured were inflicted by dad but instigated by mom took away any hope I had...I was obviously worthless. Dad kicking me after slugging me in the stomach and me dropping to the floor gasping for breath while mom said, "Don't kill her Fritz, I want to kill her too but you can't kill her." plays in my mind like a broken record...she wished me dead...and was using dad as the murder weapon.

When I got pregnant with my oldest mom said to 'get rid of it' or she would tell dad. It didn't need to be said that meant he would beat the pregnancy out of me. I ran with the clothes on my back.

There are times that seem to be so trivial when her voice comes into my head to let me know that I am a worthless piece of shit, even today. The breast cancer diagnosis brought back memories of mom and dad making fun of me for not being well-endowed. Like I had any say so in how I was built. They fucked up my head in more ways than I can count.

The emotional, mental, psychological damages caused by the abuse I went through will never, ever leave me and have colored my life in ways that I can never repair.

What I dealt with and still deal with seem trivial compared to what those of you who suffered sexual abuse must have to endure.

I carried and still carry most of my scars inside...some of it damaged my kids though it was not my intent. I didn't know how a loving parent was supposed to act. I just know that any threat to a child leaves me shaking with anger because I know that they will bear it and it will alter their lives forever and none of it is their fault.

Though I think about this and my eyes fill with tears, those tears cannot spill...tears mean weakness, tears mean being beaten, tears mean belittling...tears mean failure. But my heart hurts for all of you and for the ones that can't speak about it even more.

Love to you all in the only way I can express it...no hugs.

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
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07-07-2013, 12:57 PM
RE: Breaking silence
(07-07-2013 12:54 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  
(07-07-2013 12:45 PM)NL Atheist Wrote:  I think that people outside of the situation, like me, should be careful with what they say on these issues. It's such a sensitive and complicated topic.
That's why I try my best to understand, but also recognise that I can never fully understand. I can only show compassion and send you all lots of love.

And I completely appreciate the compassion you've shown here. You're right tho, many people don't know what to say and they're afraid of making it worse.

I'm trying to keep that in mind.

Well, yeah, I have taken at least twice the time I normally take to write this amount of text, and still I'm afraid people might take it the wrong way even though I'm trying to be compassionate in my own way.

I'm glad you're reacting in such a positive way though Smile

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07-07-2013, 12:58 PM
RE: Breaking silence
(07-07-2013 12:50 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  
(07-07-2013 12:36 PM)Dom Wrote:  That - people don't get that kids are able to put up an armor around inexplicable traumatic events. The kids look and act ok, except for perhaps some excessive acting out or being a bit distant and withdrawn.

But once you are adult, your brain keeps drawing at stored events to evaluate present situations, and the hidden, unresolved crap will be referenced here and there and cause inexplicable reactions. Like recoiling from being touched - for no reason.

Then one day you get triggered - something tugs too hard on that armor the little kid built. And there - you've stepped on the land mine.

I think this is the part most people just can't get. The responses are too irrational. They are the thoughts of a little girl or boy during abuse, and they consume the adult. It really is a whole lot like PTS.

It's layers and layers built up. Suddenly it feels like they're shedding and you're reliving it. The reactions are an irrational response driven by fear. You can't just shut it off...the need to self-protect comes out.

When I had the nightmares the other day and relived all that crap, I eventually got up because I was scared to go to sleep again. And then I got angry. Very angry. And I beat the crap out of my pillow and you don't want to know what came out of my mouth.

And now I think I can face this shit here on TTA. Something snapped. I am still angry though. But not scared.

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Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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07-07-2013, 01:26 PM
RE: Breaking silence
I probably shouldn't be here, because I've made some posts that most of you will find objectionable. But I thank you for this thread and feel that it has a great deal of value. When I saw the title: "Breaking Silence", I wasn't thinking of sexual abuse. I never experienced that. I really never experienced physical abuse. But my Dad was an alcoholic and a mean one! I've seen him hold a knife to my mothers throat. Aim a rifle at one of my brothers. I was afraid to take his hand as a child, because he would, intentionally, squeeze it to hurt me. I am 50 years old, single, badly scarred. So, I'm off topic. But this thread brought those thoughts back to me. Sorry if I have imposed.
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07-07-2013, 01:30 PM
RE: Breaking silence
(07-07-2013 01:26 PM)Ameron1963 Wrote:  I probably shouldn't be here, because I've made some posts that most of you will find objectionable. But I thank you for this thread and feel that it has a great deal of value. When I saw the title: "Breaking Silence", I wasn't thinking of sexual abuse. I never experienced that. I really never experienced physical abuse. But my Dad was an alcoholic and a mean one! I've seen him hold a knife to my mothers throat. Aim a rifle at one of my brothers. I was afraid to take his hand as a child, because he would, intentionally, squeeze it to hurt me. I am 50 years old, single, badly scarred. So, I'm off topic. But this thread brought those thoughts back to me. Sorry if I have imposed.

We don't judge. We support here. Smile Various traumatic events happening to kids tend to have much the same type of effect, they may just affect different areas of your life.

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07-07-2013, 02:25 PM (This post was last modified: 07-07-2013 02:34 PM by Bows and Arrows.)
RE: Breaking silence
(07-07-2013 09:38 AM)Dom Wrote:  
(07-07-2013 09:30 AM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  I would like to post some general statistics (so others can learn about this issue), but I don't want to upset anyone.

If you would be ok with it, let me know. Or if you object- let me know that too.

I'm fine with that.

I post this for education purposes- so those that have not experienced it can learn, and, for those that have to know they aren't alone. More people in your life have most likely had to experience this in some form or fashion than you may realize....reaching out to others breaks the silence and helps to heal.

For anyone who would like some quick stats--easy to read format-- on this topic I have linked to a page with some quick figures. Basically 1 out of every 4 females, and 1 in 6 boys are harmed by this.

Stats


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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07-07-2013, 04:20 PM
RE: Breaking silence
(06-07-2013 08:55 PM)Julius Wrote:  
(06-07-2013 05:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  Recently a thread was started that just turned my life upside down....

Yep...I know of what thread you speak, and I also think it's brought a lot of pain to many others on this forum. I am saddened to hear how it has hurt you so.

Earlier today, I carefully read the entire thread that so upset Momsurroundedbyboys, and have concluded that the thread is not what it seems to be. I mean, if I started a thread that caused so many community members grief, and caused many of them to needlessly argue amongst themselves, then I would put a stop to the my posting when I could readily see how much potential bitterness it was causing - and I think most people would do the same. But not these Pedo Guys - they post on and on and on...and don't seem to give a damn about the grief it causes or the potential fallout.

Considering this...anybody care to convince me that these guys aren't the Sociopaths I suspect them to be?
Hey man, I apologize for calling you an asswipe in another section. And I did commit a fallacy of silence when I said other people seemed to have praised your "Sociopath" claim.

A claim which I still find to be unfounded and bullshit

But I will not argue about it in this thread. For the sake of those who have been hurt by others, I will NOT take this place away from them and turn it into a debate. Sorry mate, you asked the question in the wrong thread.

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07-07-2013, 04:22 PM
RE: Breaking silence
(07-07-2013 02:25 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  I post this for education purposes- so those that have not experienced it can learn, and, for those that have to know they aren't alone.

There's some scary shit in there.

"Nearly all the offenders in sexual assaults reported to law enforcement were male (96%)."

"The typical offender is male, begins molesting by age 15, engages in a variety of deviant behavior, and molests an average of 117 youngsters, most of whom do not report the offense."

Some small percentage of males appear to just not be psychologically equipped to handle testosterone. Should they be chemically castrated? Of course not, Girly ain't no fan of eugenics. Should they be aware of treatment options? Of course. ... Reminds me, it's time for Girly to go slap some Androgel on my fat ass.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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07-07-2013, 04:30 PM
RE: Breaking silence
(07-07-2013 04:22 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(07-07-2013 02:25 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  I post this for education purposes- so those that have not experienced it can learn, and, for those that have to know they aren't alone.

There's some scary shit in there.

"Nearly all the offenders in sexual assaults reported to law enforcement were male (96%)."

"The typical offender is male, begins molesting by age 15, engages in a variety of deviant behavior, and molests an average of 117 youngsters, most of whom do not report the offense."

Some small percentage of males appear to just not be psychologically equipped to handle testosterone. Should they be chemically castrated? Of course not, Girly ain't no fan of eugenics. Should they be aware of treatment options? Of course. ... Reminds me, it's time for Girly to go slap some Androgel on my fat ass.

Androgel and oral wild yam extract (natural estrogen) are most wonderful for menopause. The combo balances things out for women in menopause and most of the nasty symptoms are gone within a couple days. And it isn't harmful at all. If you take the chemical estrogen during menopause, it just postpones shit.

Sorry, maybe Manly will appreciate this some day. I just heard "androgel" and that's what it made me think of. Tongue

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