Brink of collapse
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16-01-2015, 02:17 AM
Brink of collapse
A short story about me... I was born in the Philippines a small counry consisting of groups of islands and Chritianity is its major religion, which I am and my entire family.
I am married for 5 years and I have a daughter 2 years old.
I love playing computer games and researching some scientific informations. Which gave way to my atheistic view.
I opened up to my wife and told her I want to embrace atheism. She got mad, and so the generic christian and atheist debate goes on:
Who should you be thankful that we have a child right now? *Doctors
Who should you be thankful that you never experienced poverty and grew up the way you are? *My Parents
The list goes on. All her questions should be answered as god.
I died a little inside, because I know I worked hard for everything that has happened to up. And god is taking all the credit?
In the end, I gave in, she thinks atheist is satanic. Our marriage would crumble if I wont embrace the belief on god, I tried to have our seperate beliefs but it didnt worked. So I have to give in, just to save our marriage. With everything I have seen, I dont think I can go back to christian. I simpy embrace the religion just so I can satisfy her condition, but under that facade I am a free thinker and I base everything on logic and reasoning that has proof.

I dont want to end our marriage because I love her just as she is, and I also repect her belief.

Also I havent told my parents. If they found out all hell would break loose, if there is such a place.

I humbly request your advice specially those people who went through the same endevour as I did.

Thank you.
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16-01-2015, 02:56 AM
RE: Brink of collapse
It's hard my friend. That's a very difficult position to be in. I think if you can show her that you are still a good person no matter what, then maybe at some later time you will be able to eventually live without pretending, but many of us have had to pretend at one time or another.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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16-01-2015, 03:05 AM
RE: Brink of collapse
It is actuallyy one of the questions she raised when we had the discussion.
So you can do bad things without consequence now?
I told her that we are still bound by basic human moral and empathy. That is why very remote places with no knowledge of bible can still co--exist peacefully. What makes atheist so different?
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16-01-2015, 03:08 AM
RE: Brink of collapse
(16-01-2015 03:05 AM)darkmatter Wrote:  It is actuallyy one of the questions she raised when we had the discussion.
So you can do bad things without consequence now?
I told her that we are still bound by basic human moral and empathy. That is why very remote places with no knowledge of bible can still co--exist peacefully. What makes atheist so different?

Maybe telling her that your being a good human comes as a personal choice, rather than a law, might shine a light on things?

"I don't mind being wrong...it's a time I get to learn something new..."
Me.
N.B: I routinely make edits to posts to correct grammar or spelling, or to restate a point more clearly. I only notify edits if they materially change meaning.
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16-01-2015, 03:24 AM
RE: Brink of collapse
(16-01-2015 03:08 AM)gofish! Wrote:  
(16-01-2015 03:05 AM)darkmatter Wrote:  It is actuallyy one of the questions she raised when we had the discussion.
So you can do bad things without consequence now?
I told her that we are still bound by basic human moral and empathy. That is why very remote places with no knowledge of bible can still co--exist peacefully. What makes atheist so different?

Maybe telling her that your being a good human comes as a personal choice, rather than a law, might shine a light on things?
Our little debate is done. But yeah I will definitely keep that in mind.
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16-01-2015, 03:34 AM
RE: Brink of collapse
The trick is to let her see (for herself... meaning that you shouldn't try to explain, just let her see) that you have changed your beliefs but your beliefs have not changed you.

You're still the loving and caring husband and father that you used to be.

The only difference is that you have joined most of the rest of the planet in realising that Faith is a weak epistemology and that reason, logic and evidence is a better way to discover what is true.

I'll bet that in almost all areas of her life (work, finance, technology etc.) she uses exactly the same tools to get through the day.

I'll bet the pope's visit this week is not making it easier, is it?

Hug

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16-01-2015, 03:40 AM
RE: Brink of collapse
I could write a book on what not to say. Or to leave unsaid.


Keep communication open. Make sure she knows you love her just as much as ever. Although, I tried that, too. Ahh, fuck. We had more problems than just Christianity vs atheism. Pretty sure it fell apart for him when he asked me how I didn't believe love was from god and that it's just chemical. Shit went south after that. And he refused to listen to anything else I had to say about god...for six months.

I *might* have told him that I loved him despite him being a Christian....DO NOT ADVISE. (It was kinda heated)

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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16-01-2015, 04:02 AM
RE: Brink of collapse
(16-01-2015 03:34 AM)DLJ Wrote:  The trick is to let her see (for herself... meaning that you shouldn't try to explain, just let her see) that you have changed your beliefs but your beliefs have not changed you.

You're still the loving and caring husband and father that you used to be.

The only difference is that you have joined most of the rest of the planet in realising that Faith is a weak epistemology and that reason, logic and evidence is a better way to discover what is true.

I'll bet that in almost all areas of her life (work, finance, technology etc.) she uses exactly the same tools to get through the day.

I'll bet the pope's visit this week is not making it easier, is it?

Hug

I am writting this as I fly back to Japan, alone, for now. The pope visit did gave me headache as traffic is intense.
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16-01-2015, 04:55 AM
RE: Brink of collapse
Don't push it. It needs to evolve slowly now. Be sweet, show her and the kid you love them, be nice, and don't talk about it.

You need patience. Lots and lots of patience.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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16-01-2015, 06:37 AM
RE: Brink of collapse
Your replies are awesome. Thank you everyone.
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