Came out to my sister as an atheist
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06-05-2014, 08:25 AM
RE: Came out to my sister as an atheist
(05-05-2014 10:47 PM)beeglez Wrote:  . . . so she at least knew we weren't baby eating, fire breathing ax murderers who rip ears off kittens for fun.

But she does know that some of the more adventurous atheists do do those things as a reflexion of what some Christians find themselves committing - right?

What do you need them for? Don't you have friends who love you just the way you are?

Humanism - ontological doctrine that posits that humans define reality
Theism - ontological doctrine that posits a supernatural entity creates and defines reality
Atheism - political doctrine opposed to theist doctrine in public policy
I am right, and you are wrong - I hope you die peacefullyCool
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06-05-2014, 09:39 AM
RE: Came out to my sister as an atheist
(06-05-2014 08:25 AM)TrainWreck Wrote:  
(05-05-2014 10:47 PM)beeglez Wrote:  . . . so she at least knew we weren't baby eating, fire breathing ax murderers who rip ears off kittens for fun.

But she does know that some of the more adventurous atheists do do those things as a reflexion of what some Christians find themselves committing - right?


Uhm ... a resounding, fucking NO - NOT "RIGHT?".

I think you may have been trying to state that her sister might suspect that atheists do such things because this is what she's been taught by christees who actually do commit crimes somewhat less horrific or more justifiable in their eyes.

But uh... I don't think it came across that way. I appreciate some of your ideas TrainWreck but... you would do yourself greater service to start using either more punctuation or smilies. Drinking Beverage Sheesh.

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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06-05-2014, 09:59 AM
RE: Came out to my sister as an atheist
(05-05-2014 10:47 PM)beeglez Wrote:  So, almost 5 months after becoming an atheist, I came out to the first family member. My sister is a Christian, and her religion is literally the most important thing in her life. She posts Christian memes on facebook such as a praying person with the caption "fight all your battles on your knees", and she thanks god for sunsets. BUT, she is the kindest and least judgmental person I know, so I chose her as the first person to come out to. I didn't expect anger or rejection, and she didn't let me down.

First, a tip for anyone else trying to reveal news that might be emotional or controversial: The way NOT to set up 'the talk' is to call and say "hey, what are you doing this weekend? I'd like to talk to you about something". Because the person will say "about what?" and there is no way to avoid telling them because they are probably thinking you are dying or getting fired or pregnant or something. Even though you had envisioned sitting down face to face, and were planning to rehearse and think about it all week before talking to them Saturday, you'll have to go ahead and tell them. Even though you will have already written out a letter, read a book on coming out, and prepared yourself for some expected responses, it will be awkward as hell.

Regardless of the awkwardness, my sister was calm and awesome. She didn't lecture, cry, or try to drag me to church. She just said "I don't agree with you, but I'm not going to judge you". She did say she would pray for me, which is fine. Her husband is an atheist, and I learned she has atheist friends, so she at least knew we weren't baby eating, fire breathing ax murderers who rip ears off kittens for fun. We even ended the conversation with "I love you" and with a little joke.

I still have to tell the rest of the family and friends. My dad is going to be difficult. He'll love me no matter what, but he has a chronic illness and will deteriorate and die within the next couple of years. I was content to continue listening to him talk about god, and to let him pray when we went out to eat, so he could die without the stress of thinking his daughter was going to hell. However, my sister thinks he can handle it, and has volunteered to be there when I tell him. She thinks I should tell him to avoid the risk of being outed by someone else since I plan to tell a lot of other people. Still not sure whether to tell him or not. I am 100% sure he will cry. I'm 90% sure he'll ask what he did wrong to make me deny god. I'm 80% sure he'll proselytize (probably frequently), and he might very well ask his church friends to come pray with me.

I wish you the best of luck. Smile


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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06-05-2014, 10:36 AM
RE: Came out to my sister as an atheist
Quote: She just said "I don't agree with you, but I'm not going to judge you".

Wow. Your sister may be the type of xtian who is actually "xtian." So rare. Congratulations to both of you.

Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
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06-05-2014, 10:57 AM
RE: Came out to my sister as an atheist
Beeglez, I'm sorry but aren't you being a little selfish? Why the big grand coming out events? You don't have to do that. You don't have to announce anything to anyone. I'm pretty sure you haven't announced that you don't believe in unicorns or dragons. So why this?

Your sister is right about being outted by someone else if you do go ahead with telling your family members. But this will lead to your terminally ill father crying and feeling shit. Why burden an already burdened man further?

I kinda get the feeling that this is an opportunity for you to be in the spot light and fuck the consequences. Will your 15 minutes be worth your father's peace of mind?

8000 years before Jesus, the Egyptian god Horus said, "I am the way, the truth, the life."
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06-05-2014, 12:17 PM
RE: Came out to my sister as an atheist
(06-05-2014 10:57 AM)BlackMason Wrote:  Beeglez, I'm sorry but aren't you being a little selfish? Why the big grand coming out events? You don't have to do that. You don't have to announce anything to anyone. I'm pretty sure you haven't announced that you don't believe in unicorns or dragons. So why this?

No, there is a social mores that people are supposed to be as honest as possible; and recognizing that a person has a different mind-set about the evolution of humanity is interesting to some people, and they want to know if there is a better way.

Too bad, atheists do not offer a better community.

Humanism - ontological doctrine that posits that humans define reality
Theism - ontological doctrine that posits a supernatural entity creates and defines reality
Atheism - political doctrine opposed to theist doctrine in public policy
I am right, and you are wrong - I hope you die peacefullyCool
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06-05-2014, 12:49 PM
RE: Came out to my sister as an atheist
(06-05-2014 12:17 PM)TrainWreck Wrote:  
(06-05-2014 10:57 AM)BlackMason Wrote:  Beeglez, I'm sorry but aren't you being a little selfish? Why the big grand coming out events? You don't have to do that. You don't have to announce anything to anyone. I'm pretty sure you haven't announced that you don't believe in unicorns or dragons. So why this?

No, there is a social mores that people are supposed to be as honest as possible; and recognizing that a person has a different mind-set about the evolution of humanity is interesting to some people, and they want to know if there is a better way.

Too bad, atheists do not offer a better community.

I've got very little patience for poorly written posts. I'm sure you've got something meaningful to add so please rephrase and make sure you punctuate effectively.

8000 years before Jesus, the Egyptian god Horus said, "I am the way, the truth, the life."
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06-05-2014, 01:21 PM
RE: Came out to my sister as an atheist
Good luck, I recently was outed, and I am trying to stabilize things.
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06-05-2014, 05:49 PM
RE: Came out to my sister as an atheist
No BlackMason,

I am in no way being selfish. If I were, I'd just casually call up my dad and say "Guess what. I'm an atheist, and fuck religion!" Perhaps I didn't give enough detail in my original post to make it clear what my thoughts on telling my dad were. From the very start, I was adamant he would never know. He was the one person I planned not to tell no matter what. The only reason I am even considering telling him now is because my sister said she thought I should as it would be more painful for him to find out accidentally. There are any number of ways that could happen. A news clip of me at a secular event, a friend mentioning that she saw that I 'liked' the Thinking Atheist on Facebook, my forgetting to put away my copy of "American Atheist" magazine if he drops by for a visit. I have been extremely careful so far, but my sister is right, things can happen. I am torn over what to do. I don't want to hurt him, but I don't want him to find out on his own either. He is terminally ill, but not on his deathbed. He could live another year, two, even more. He was told about 4 years ago that the 5 year survival rate was 50%.

There is no 'grand coming out' or 'time in the spotlight'. I am probably one of the least egotistical people in my family and circle of friends. I'm a little surprised to have to explain why I shouldn't keep my non-belief a secret here, but it basically boils down to the fact that I'm tired of covering up and covering my tracks. I hate that I went to an FFRF conference this weekend and had to lie and tell my family I was going to a veterinary conference and tell work I was going to visit friends. Seriously. I'm almost 40 years old, and I feel like a teenager telling her parents she is going to a school dance when in fact she's going to a college party. It is stupid and I don't wish to keep it up for the rest of my life. I'm tired of telling friends not to tag me in photos at a Meetup, tired of not being able to so much as comment on a post on an atheist related facebook page, and tired of not being able to talk about my new friends to old friends. I don't want to meet a Christian friend in public while out with an atheist friend and struggle over what to say when I introduce them. If I went to a church retreat, I could freely post photos, tell people what a great time I had, and talk freely about the cool people a met. Why shouldn't I be able to do the same thing a religious person can do? It isn't about cramming it down anyone's throat or being militant. It is about.....just being.
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06-05-2014, 08:32 PM
RE: Came out to my sister as an atheist
Just don't "cover your tracks" anymore. Wink Let the questions just happen... yes, be secure and ready to answer them but, if you make a big deal out of it... so, will they.

If your Pop "finds out" and is curious, he will probably ask you about it. He will most likely be asking to make certain you are happy and fulfilled.

If he notices at all that you seem to be a different, more positive person as of late - and seemingly more secure - then he probably already realizes that whatever is going on with you must be alright.

The thing is... you don't actually have to be an atheist on the outside to let people know you are free of religion. Also, you might still harbor some residual insecurities ..otherwise, why would you still be covering your tracks? Try being atheist from the inside out for a while. There'll be a lot of time for shouting soon enough... probably about other things, by then.

Just be good without god. Eventually, people will wonder what you're up to. Wink

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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