Came out to my wife last night.
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08-08-2013, 05:49 AM
Came out to my wife last night.
We were sitting around filling out these worksheets for a class that we have to take in order to get our daughter christened (or whatever)(she is catholic, and before I de-converted I was non-denom, which she thought I still was). I asked her if this baptizing/christening/whatever thing was more for her culture (she is mexican) or for religious reasons. She replied that it was about 50/50.

We have never really been an overly religious couple. She has her little rituals that are just habit from growing up Catholic (Crossing herself, blessing the vehicle before longer than normal trips, etc.), but she hardly goes to mass anymore, although she said she went all the time before she met me. But we just have never been very vocal about our beliefs.

I confessed that I had been doing some studying over scripture and found some stuff that I really wasn't comfortable with. And I started looking deeper. The deeper I looked, the more uncomfortable I got. I cited a few of the things that are commonly discussed on here.

Her response was that we don't know what happened, it was so long ago. But her faith in some sort of force in the universe was strong. It turns out that my wife is some sort of Christian-Agnostic hybrid. My wife isn't crazy or stupid or anything, just not that knowledgable.

I confessed that I had de-converted and was Agnostic Atheist and explained what that meant. She understood and said that she had faith that one day, I will get the proof that I need to believe.

I could have pushed things further, but decided that this was enough for one night.

It feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I still have a lot of people to tell, mainly my parents who are pretty devout, but this is a beginning. I don't feel like I have to hide anymore.

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08-08-2013, 06:00 AM
RE: Came out to my wife last night.
I wonder what that proof would/could be.

Smile

I am curious as to whether she is curious as to the reading you have been doing?

If not, she's pretty much stating that she prefers to live in ignorance, as many do.

Consider

But you need to drop the other shoe...
What info did you write on the Christening worksheet? Don't you have to be a Christian yourself?

And why are you conceding to the Christening at all?

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08-08-2013, 06:09 AM
RE: Came out to my wife last night.
(08-08-2013 06:00 AM)DLJ Wrote:  I wonder what that proof would/could be.

Smile
I am wondering that, too...
Quote:I am curious as to whether she is curious as to the reading you have been doing?

If not, she's pretty much stating that she prefers to live in ignorance, as many do.

Consider
I think she lives in ignorance. She is happy there. And as long as she lets me be me, I am content to let her stay there.
Quote:But you need to drop the other shoe...
I will gradually bring stuff up as time goes on. I didn't want to overload her with information all at once.
Quote:What info did you write on the Christening worksheet? Don't you have to be a Christian yourself?

And why are you conceding to the Christening at all?
It's more of a pre-marital counseling thing for our marriage to be recognized by the Church. And there actually isn't a whole lot of Christian crap to the worksheets. We don't really need it, but the priest wants it done before our daughter gets Christened, so whatever.

As for why I am conceding to it, it is a part of her culture. I know that as long as I am around, I will be there to offer the other side of the argument to my daughter and make sure she has a balance to her education. I was raised pretty christian and still turned out to be an atheist.

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08-08-2013, 07:13 AM
RE: Came out to my wife last night.
Well, that went way better than I had anticipated upon reading the title. Now comes the slow and steady exposure to logic and rationality. Wink

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08-08-2013, 07:24 AM
RE: Came out to my wife last night.
Sounds like it went real well. I like the way you handled it, and how you recognize that it is woven into her culture. Doesn't mean that she won't eventually deconvert, but giving her LOTS of time to slowly assimilate evidence is a good way to go.

I think there is a very good chance she will get there...

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08-08-2013, 07:51 AM
RE: Came out to my wife last night.
(08-08-2013 07:13 AM)Logica Humano Wrote:  Well, that went way better than I had anticipated upon reading the title. Now comes the slow and steady exposure to logic and rationality. Wink
It went way better than I thought it would. I had been hesitating and putting it off for a long time because I was afraid she would take our daughter and just walk out. Hindsight being 20/20, I should have known better. In pretty much all other aspects of life we are both very calm and rational communicators. Religion, though, I knew could be a whole different thing. But it went extremely well.
(08-08-2013 07:24 AM)Dom Wrote:  Sounds like it went real well. I like the way you handled it, and how you recognize that it is woven into her culture. Doesn't mean that she won't eventually deconvert, but giving her LOTS of time to slowly assimilate evidence is a good way to go.

I think there is a very good chance she will get there...
I think it's a possibility. She isn't as naturally curious as I am, though, so I'm not sure.

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08-08-2013, 09:23 AM
RE: Came out to my wife last night.
(08-08-2013 07:51 AM)atheistinhiding82 Wrote:  I think it's a possibility. She isn't as naturally curious as I am, though, so I'm not sure.

Glad it went well for you.

When my husband and I started dating 10 years ago, he was fresh out of college where he was involved with the Christian Youth Groups, listened to Christian music, etc...he was a believer.

At the time we started dating he only knew I was raised Catholic, but we never discussed religion so he didn't know I was an atheist. But over the years that changed and with each conversation we had about religion, he began to question his beliefs.

He also isn't an naturally curious person, so I knew do any kind of research about religion and atheism. And that's fine...I'm not trying to convert him into an atheist. He has his beliefs, not necessarily in "God" but in "something". When we got married 6 years later, it wasn't in a church or with a priest, our vows didn't even mention God and he was fine with it...he also doesn't see a point in baptisms.

So even if she doesn't come around to your Agnostic Atheist views, you can still have that middle ground where your differing views about religion doesn't have to be a problem.

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08-08-2013, 10:08 AM
RE: Came out to my wife last night.
Catholics in latin america tend to give less fucks about religion than americans in general (with the idiotic exceptions obviously).

Now you should change that username...

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08-08-2013, 10:14 AM
RE: Came out to my wife last night.
Haha Nach, you beat me to it. Big Grin

Glad things went okay, AIH. Thumbsup

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08-08-2013, 10:17 AM
RE: Came out to my wife last night.
I went through the Christian-agnostic period too, in fact it was my last step before completely becoming atheist. So in a weird way -- tho it can take years, I'm hopeful that your wife will find her way to atheism. Thumbsup

Just don't try to push her....you've already planted seeds...let them grow.


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