Came out to my wife last night.
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08-08-2013, 10:47 AM
RE: Came out to my wife last night.
I'm still not out with my wife. My brother and a cousin know, but my wife and I haven't discussed it much. She is a weak Catholic as well. She believes in gay rights/marriage equality. She believes in abortion rights and does not believe it's murder. She believes Adam and Eve and Noah's Ark are all myths. We haven't gotten to Jesus yet. But the other night we were talking about which Biblical stories are true, and I mentioned that I could not find very much corroboration for Exodus. "What are the chances that the Egyptians, who were pretty good about recording what took place in their country, failed to mention the existence of this Moses character, failed to mention the enslavement and emancipation of a ridiculously large number of Hebrew slaves, failed to mention these incredible plagues that befell them, and failed to mention how on one night, without any worldly explanation, the firstborn of all humans and cattle all died. In one night? I suggested it makes the whole story highly improbable.

She agreed, but sensing that she was struggling to come to terms with what I had just said, I decided not to push it further. So when she asked the next question, I balked.

The next question was: What about the Ten Commandments then? Was that real?

My answer: That's not something I think I have proof for one way or the other. I think the story leading up to it cannot have happened the way the Bible says. What takes place afterward, likewise, cannot have happened the way the Bible says (40 years in Kadesh-barnea simply never took place). But that piece in the middle doesn't lend itself to historical analysis, so I can't really say.

Yeah, I could have gone a little further than that, but I don't think I needed to. Pretty sure she got the message, or will soon enough.

Taking it slow.
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08-08-2013, 06:43 PM
RE: Came out to my wife last night.
(08-08-2013 05:49 AM)atheistinhiding82 Wrote:  It turns out that my wife is some sort of Christian-Agnostic hybrid.

Sounds like you married well. I consider myself some sort of Christian-Atheist hybrid.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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08-08-2013, 09:52 PM
RE: Came out to my wife last night.
(08-08-2013 10:47 AM)TwoCultSurvivor Wrote:  I'm still not out with my wife. My brother and a cousin know, but my wife and I haven't discussed it much. She is a weak Catholic as well. She believes in gay rights/marriage equality. She believes in abortion rights and does not believe it's murder. She believes Adam and Eve and Noah's Ark are all myths. We haven't gotten to Jesus yet. But the other night we were talking about which Biblical stories are true, and I mentioned that I could not find very much corroboration for Exodus. "What are the chances that the Egyptians, who were pretty good about recording what took place in their country, failed to mention the existence of this Moses character, failed to mention the enslavement and emancipation of a ridiculously large number of Hebrew slaves, failed to mention these incredible plagues that befell them, and failed to mention how on one night, without any worldly explanation, the firstborn of all humans and cattle all died. In one night? I suggested it makes the whole story highly improbable.

She agreed, but sensing that she was struggling to come to terms with what I had just said, I decided not to push it further. So when she asked the next question, I balked.

The next question was: What about the Ten Commandments then? Was that real?

My answer: That's not something I think I have proof for one way or the other. I think the story leading up to it cannot have happened the way the Bible says. What takes place afterward, likewise, cannot have happened the way the Bible says (40 years in Kadesh-barnea simply never took place). But that piece in the middle doesn't lend itself to historical analysis, so I can't really say.

Yeah, I could have gone a little further than that, but I don't think I needed to. Pretty sure she got the message, or will soon enough.

Taking it slow.

Good luck to you sir. I got lucky. My wife wasn't raised religious at all, and only had a vague belief that there was a god and he loves us and we should believe it because why not sort of viewpoint. I was the strong believing christian in the relationship.

Then I went through my whole deconversion right in front of her, and at the end of it she pretty much just said, yeah, it does make more sense that there is no god. Of course she didn't have any real stake in it to begin with, but I'm glad that she's really the awesome chick that I thought I was marrying all those years ago. Even though it doesn't really matter to her, she understands why it's a big deal to me and supports me in my quest for the truth.

I hope the best for all of you guys struggling with a relationship that is strained by religion, or lack there of.

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
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09-08-2013, 05:33 PM
RE: Came out to my wife last night.
(08-08-2013 10:47 AM)TwoCultSurvivor Wrote:  I'm still not out with my wife. My brother and a cousin know, but my wife and I haven't discussed it much. She is a weak Catholic as well. She believes in gay rights/marriage equality. She believes in abortion rights and does not believe it's murder. She believes Adam and Eve and Noah's Ark are all myths. We haven't gotten to Jesus yet. But the other night we were talking about which Biblical stories are true, and I mentioned that I could not find very much corroboration for Exodus. "What are the chances that the Egyptians, who were pretty good about recording what took place in their country, failed to mention the existence of this Moses character, failed to mention the enslavement and emancipation of a ridiculously large number of Hebrew slaves, failed to mention these incredible plagues that befell them, and failed to mention how on one night, without any worldly explanation, the firstborn of all humans and cattle all died. In one night? I suggested it makes the whole story highly improbable.

She agreed, but sensing that she was struggling to come to terms with what I had just said, I decided not to push it further. So when she asked the next question, I balked.

The next question was: What about the Ten Commandments then? Was that real?

My answer: That's not something I think I have proof for one way or the other. I think the story leading up to it cannot have happened the way the Bible says. What takes place afterward, likewise, cannot have happened the way the Bible says (40 years in Kadesh-barnea simply never took place). But that piece in the middle doesn't lend itself to historical analysis, so I can't really say.

Yeah, I could have gone a little further than that, but I don't think I needed to. Pretty sure she got the message, or will soon enough.

Taking it slow.

It sounds like she's starting to question things that were previously just accepted as truth. Good for her. I'd bet the movie Religulous might be enough to tip the scales.
I remember one section where Bill essentially proves that Jesus is nothing more than a recreation of an ancient Egyptian.
It could be fun.

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09-08-2013, 08:57 PM
RE: Came out to my wife last night.
Religulous was a big part of my de-conversion.

Banned from ChristianChat.com for "Spreading Disbelief"
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09-08-2013, 09:10 PM
RE: Came out to my wife last night.
I have to say, all these stories of former believers coming out to their wives comforts me. It makes me feel like I'm not alone, especially when I hear of others conceding to christenings. I too went through the christening ceremonies with my two kids. I'm married to a Filipina and their culture is deeply Catholic (I was a Catholic myself). I have the same mindset as you OP. I was Christened, but raised to think for myself. I became a non-believer. Though it happened late in my life. But the difference for my kids will be that their father will encourage them to think scientifically. My parents didn't do that. They just left me to my own devices.

Glad your coming out went well. Mine started really rocky...

“We are all connected; To each other, biologically. To the earth, chemically. To the rest of the universe atomically.”

-Neil deGrasse Tyson
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10-08-2013, 06:43 AM
RE: Came out to my wife last night.
Glad the outing went well. I'm in a long-term relationship with a Christian. I told him up front that I was agnostic, which I was 4 years ago. But at some point I figured I'm an atheist, so I told him that too. Thankfully we respect each other enough to not let this one issue get in the way. We have too much fun together!

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10-08-2013, 04:32 PM
RE: Came out to my wife last night.
I think that this is a pretty good opening.
Certainly since we recently read comings-out that lead to divorce.
Your wife listening to you like that is a good sign.
Good luck!

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Eternal Pragmatist.
With the uncanny ability to see all sides in every argument.
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10-08-2013, 05:23 PM
RE: Came out to my wife last night.
Such a bitch. My younger sons wife felt obligated to tell me she was not an atheist just a few weeks ago. Damn, I know that, I see the madonna tattoo on your person. I will attend my grand-children's christening is some stupid catholic church just like I did their wedding. I will also poison their mind with my own lack of belief.

What can you do but be yourself and do the best you can. It can be tough when family, particularly blood family, is involved.

My daughter in law also knows that very many of the people who will associate with her children will be atheists. These are people she enjoys being around so it will be a struggle for her. She is also one of those mexican catholics who is much into mysticism so it is not completely hopeless.
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