Cause for concern?
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
16-12-2012, 11:08 PM
Cause for concern?
Alright guys, usually I try my hardest to keep the most important stuff from my life out of the boards. I tend not to like having people worry or think about me in a way that makes me feel like I am a whiny teenager who is PMSing all throughout his life. This is not the image I would like to have on this awesome website.

The reason I started this thread was because I wanted to know something. Is it a problem for a person who has abandonment issues to be in a relationship? My girlfriend and I are happily together, but I keep getting a feeling like she is going to leave me, and I am going to be devastated about it. It's even gotten to the point where I am putting up walls(emotional) between us so that when she does leave me, I will not be hurt. My dilemma is that by trying to protect myself from her leaving, she is going to leave.

I have never taken leaving well. I think that it has progressed since the "coming out" incident and I am concerned for my girlfriend. I might end up being a total wreck after she does break it off and I might do something I regret. I am considering getting some help, but I don't have the money to pay for it myself, and I would have to use my parents' money to fund it. The reason I came to you guys is because I want to know if my fears are a serious concern, and if I should definitely go through with trying to convince my parents to pay it for me.

What should I do?

[Image: 0013382F-E507-48AE-906B-53008666631C-757...cc3639.jpg]
Credit goes to UndercoverAtheist.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
16-12-2012, 11:38 PM
RE: Cause for concern?
Can't reply in full as it's bedtime & I'm on my phone, but aren't you in school? Can you see a guidance counselor? They might even be able to give you a low-cost referral to someone else....

Drinking Beverage Grab a cuppa' joe; sit-n-read my blog for a spell: www.vaweber.wordpress.com
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
16-12-2012, 11:40 PM
RE: Cause for concern?
(16-12-2012 11:38 PM)Percepticon Wrote:  Can't reply in full as it's bedtime & I'm on my phone, but aren't you in school? Can you see a guidance counselor? They might even be able to give you a low-cost referral to someone else....
I'd rather not talk to anyone who is even remotely related to my fundie private school. The council ears there are a joke anyways.

[Image: 0013382F-E507-48AE-906B-53008666631C-757...cc3639.jpg]
Credit goes to UndercoverAtheist.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
16-12-2012, 11:47 PM
RE: Cause for concern?
Oh, shit Confused Sorry for the bad breaks.

Um...there's gotta' be somethin'....some social services agency in your area...maybe start with the United Way....call them and see if they know of any counseling services....?

Sorry, having a hard time rubbing two brain cells together...

Drinking Beverage Grab a cuppa' joe; sit-n-read my blog for a spell: www.vaweber.wordpress.com
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
17-12-2012, 12:31 AM
RE: Cause for concern?
S, you are so self aware which is a good thing. That could be what is going on (the abandonment feelings as a result of your past relationships). The thing about relationships is building trust. You've had your trust broken by people who are your closest. As hard as this is, you must keep trying to connect with people. I will be brutally honest, because honesty builds trust. The likelihood of you and this girl to be together forever are not very high, you are young and learning about relationships. This is actually a good opportunity to figure out how you like to communicate and how close you will let someone or how they can build and earn your trust (and the same for them).

Something you could do is tell this girl what you are feeling and doing to protect yourself, you can ask her to be clear about her feelings and if she does want out of the relationship that she should tell you in a clear way. A clean break is better and more trust building then a messy or sneaky break. For the time being you should try to enjoy yourself and build positive memories. It sounds like you are pushing her away (which you are right, that will accomplish exactly that- pushing her away) but you should know the more positive memories you have the stronger the relationship. And who knows, you may be high school sweethearts forever- just because it's not for everyone doesn't mean it hasn't happened to someone, I have a good friend who married her high school sweetheart Smile

I do think you should also find a professional to work on how to deal with these feelings in your relationships, as well. Are you not seeing the psychiatrist anymore? I could compile some information for you to read in the meantime- that can be very helpful in itself, information is freedom!
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
17-12-2012, 12:47 AM (This post was last modified: 17-12-2012 12:51 AM by PoolBoyG.)
Heart RE: Cause for concern?
You're sounding like a Beta Male. Stop it. Be the Alpha Male. Dodgy

Make a list:
1. Why do YOU deserve your girlfriend?
2. Why does SHE deserve you as a boyfriend?

If you deserve each other, remind yourself of the fact, and everything will be fine.

If she's too good for you, or you for her, accept the inevitability with understanding and grace. It's only natural to try and improve ones life.

Update: and a rule of thumb (that I follow, and think is sensible). For the love of god, if you're not financially secure enough, don't bring another person into your life (a partner, child, etc). Make sure you have a sound financial bedrock for any problems that might arise.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes PoolBoyG's post
18-12-2012, 09:24 PM (This post was last modified: 18-12-2012 10:25 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Cause for concern?
(16-12-2012 11:08 PM)Atothetheist Wrote:  Is it a problem for a person who has abandonment issues to be in a relationship? My girlfriend and I are happily together, but I keep getting a feeling like she is going to leave me, and I am going to be devastated about it.

Completely normal, don't fret over it. She's likely feeling the same.

(16-12-2012 11:08 PM)Atothetheist Wrote:  It's even gotten to the point where I am putting up walls(emotional) between us so that when she does leave me, I will not be hurt. My dilemma is that by trying to protect myself from her leaving, she is going to leave.

Yup. Not a dilemma, a self-fulfilling prophecy. Don't do that.

(16-12-2012 11:08 PM)Atothetheist Wrote:  What should I do?

Stop being a pussy worried about not being her boyfriend and pay attention to being her boyfriend. ... duh.

(17-12-2012 12:47 AM)poolboyg88 Wrote:  You're sounding like a Beta Male. Stop it. Be the Alpha Male. Dodgy

You gotta problem with Beta Males? Wanna take it to the dohyō? Not a damn thing wrong with being a GirlyMan/Beta Male when you got a competent ManlyGirl/Alpha Female running shit. ... Hell, I think it's better this way. She's much better at it than me. ... Wanna take it to the dohyō?

(17-12-2012 12:31 AM)LadyJane Wrote:  The likelihood of you and this girl to be together forever are not very high, you are young and learning about relationships.

But not nil. ManlyGirl and GirlyMan were first fucks and here we are 30 years of fucking each other later with 4 beautiful kids and a granddaughter. Dunno what the nationwide or worldwide stats are, but the likelihood in these here parts, it's 1.0. Wink

Breathing - it's more art than science.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like GirlyMan's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: