Cheated
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27-06-2013, 12:38 PM
RE: Cheated
What Kim said. Trust is felt through repetitive experience, you guys need to take time to build the trust again, day after day of moments where your wife demonstrates she is trust worthy. She already started by being honest, which is a huge part of trust. You guys are headed in the right direction, and doing well so early on in the 'traumatization' of the incident.
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28-06-2013, 01:48 AM
RE: Cheated
Most responses haven't dealt with your feelings in a direct way. So I'll ask: would you feel better/vindicated if you cheated on her? I think it may be a good idea to focus a little more on you.

I think trust is a big thing to lose. It might be tough for you to see her around new men from now on. Perhaps men that are more attractive or more successful than you. Just men that make you feel intimidated. The mind is our greatest weapon. But it is a wild beast that is hard to tame. You might get into fights and you may be motivated to do or say something stupid because of this issue. You may even start dreaming of her being with other people and them mocking you. Don't be fooled this will be a long process. Take note of how you feel from now going forward. You don't deserve to live in constant fear and uncertainty. This is poison in the well of your spirit. If you can work past her coming home late and or smiling at another guy then you'll be fine. But by no means do you have to meet these criteria now.

We know you love her, we don't really know if she loves you. Like the others said, talk. Get the positive reinforcement you need to beat this thing. Good luck.
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01-07-2013, 11:36 AM
RE: Cheated
No...she even said she would allow me to sleep with anyone of my choosing once as payback, but I said I would not. After feeling and seeing the things I have, I wouldn't put that on her even in extreme anger.

I've never really been super jealous, but you are correct in assuming it will be hard from now on. I've already started having the dreams, specifically the person on top of her, but it's gone a step further, and now it happens even when I close my eyes. We are getting through it, slowly, but we are. My biggest thing will be my self confidence, if I'm good enough, if she wants me, thoughts along that mindset.

She's been very supportive so far, and we've been supporting each other for the last week or so. We actually had family movie night last night that went splendid....felt like we were teenagers again sitting on the couch relaxing.

She has read this thread as well, and both of us thank everyone from the bottom of our hearts, she knows that if we had gone to a local pastor she would have been crucified (literally maybe). Thank you all for not judging her, or me, and helping us. <3

Shock And Awe Tactics-- The "application of massive or overwhelming force" to "disarm, incapacitate, or render the enemy impotent with as few casualties to ourselves and to noncombatants as possible"
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01-07-2013, 12:26 PM
RE: Cheated
Ahh subspace is rather addicting. Smile

Keep the communications up. Also being Dom doesn't really mean being possessive.

I would limit her interactions with the other guy -- what he did was very wrong even in the BDSM world. Being Dominant doesn't mean you can just do what you want with whoever you wish.

Technically speaking, your wife is under your care. At the very least the guy should have sought your permission before.

Good luck to you both.

The sun rises in the West and the bird shits on the coffeetable.


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04-07-2013, 10:54 AM
RE: Cheated
Likos02,

So…while you’re at work with a sick child, your pregnant wife lets a family friend gorilla-fuck her, and you want to make amends? Then, you commit assault on the guy who slammed your wife?

Is it no wonder then that I think you are eventually heading for a nasty divorce and some time in jail – domestic violence charge, most likely? I’m sure your little angle of a wife will eventually call the cops and tell them you beat her and that you have “Anger-Management Issues” – whether you did, or not. Then, just as you get the jail situation straightened out, you’ll probably have your child and all your shit taken away via the divorce court and you will be stuck with some hefty monthly payments.

I mean, if you think that you’ve seen Domination via BDSM, then you ain’t seen nothing, yet. Wait until you meet the court system and the divorce Judge’s Power Enema! Get ready for an ass cleaning!

I hope this helps you get things into perspective. You fuckin’ need it!
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04-07-2013, 09:00 PM (This post was last modified: 04-07-2013 10:39 PM by Dark Light.)
RE: Cheated
It's difficult to give advice on these types of situations because only you and your wife really understand your relationship, and no amount of info would give anyone an adequate perception in my opinion, so my best advice would to be to go with your instinct. My wife and I wouldn't invite another man into the bedroom, but then again I am not bisexual (or gay). My wife however is bisexual. If she cheated on me with a man I would leave her. If we were considering bringing another woman into the bedroom (something we have discussed before, but never worked out) and she cheated on me with her I would still feel betrayed and hurt, but ultimately I don't think I would leave her so long as I thought it was a one time mistake. Hope that helped, but I kind of doubt it. Your 'friend' however sounds like a fucking asshole. Whatever you decide to do with the wife, get rid of the 'friend', he is a cancer.

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04-07-2013, 10:29 PM (This post was last modified: 05-07-2013 02:06 PM by Julius.)
RE: Cheated
Content Removed by Julius
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05-07-2013, 02:16 AM
RE: Cheated
Julius... The guy's making peace. I kinda agree that the response was... a little bit bizarre from my p.o.v. but they're trying to make it work. This is the support forum. i.e. where people come for advice and when they're feeling down. Just... I dunno say what you're gonna say but in a less confrontational way ?

I agree that there is a significant danger in e.g. punching the "friend" so hard that he pukes - for a start if anything does happen as a result of that (medical complications) then you, Likos02, will be liable, and secondly it gives him a hold over you - he can bring your life crashing down around your ears any time he wants by making the accusation of assault.

I do applaud both you and your wife for building bridges on the basis of this incident though, I think that you will have a stronger relationship for it.
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05-07-2013, 04:42 AM
RE: Cheated
No man called friend would screw another's lady, even if he was asked to.
He needs to be gone from your live's.

T.H.
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05-07-2013, 02:18 PM
RE: Cheated
(05-07-2013 02:16 AM)morondog Wrote:  Julius... The guy's making peace. I kinda agree that the response was... a little bit bizarre from my p.o.v. but they're trying to make it work. This is the support forum. i.e. where people come for advice and when they're feeling down. Just... I dunno say what you're gonna say but in a less confrontational way ?

I edited the post to remove the content to which you referred and made a not of it in the post. I did this because it seems as if you tried to remove the content earlier and it didn't take (at least from what I saw in my web browser).

Anyways...I see a lot of pain stories under the "Personal Issues and Support" topic and I find many of them quite emotionally moving. It troubles me to see people suffering so, and it was never my intention to discourage anyone from seeking help.

Julius
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