Cheating
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17-08-2017, 01:32 PM (This post was last modified: 17-08-2017 01:37 PM by Ruby Crystal.)
Cheating
I'm on a topic of relationships today, because of a conversation with friends.

I had dated a guy who was possible in love with me and another girl, having pined after her for years. And, guess what, I didn't make it a big fucking deal that most girls he dated would. If he still likes this first but also likes me, that's in problem.

I don't care if he cheats. Because I find the definition of word of 'Cheating' to be kind of childish. Stigmas in the world and such of only having 'one' person to be committed to has made society quick to get angry should someone not conform to this. Thus some people are so scared of him/her cheating they get controlling.

I've heard cases of where the man still is with and loves his wife, but might have an affair and the wife is okay with it. But so many people tell her it's wrong and unfaithful that he does this. Why is that? Does everyone have to conform to your ideas and thinking like all the other sheep behind you? So what if they have an open relationship of they don't make a big fuss if their boyfriend/girlfriend has another besides them?

My boyfriend and me where in highschool, and I didn't blame him. In highschool you're not suppose to think about long term. So if he.she cheats, what's the point in getting all emotional about it? It's not hurting you, and things in the relationship are as normal as when you started, so who cares?

I can get some just like the idea of being the 'one and only' for their second. But there are those of us who just know we are not the 'one and only'. So do feel it's horrible and trust has been broken, and I get that. But then there are us who don't find a guy/girl cheating on us to be horrible/end of the world.

So when I was told he might be cheating, I just shrugged it off and said I didn't care. That seemed to shock everyone. As longs as he/she don't give you not sexual diseases, and things are still smooth in the relationship, why make a big deal? Or why should I make it a big deal, because you do? Because it's unfaithful and 'un-' something else?

But that's my opinion, to each is their own. But i'm getting sick of people who tell me all this bad stuff like because he likes another he's all of a sudden The Devil Incarnate.

"Governments don't want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking That is against their interests.
They want obedient workers people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork And just dumb enough to passively accept it."

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17-08-2017, 01:47 PM
RE: Cheating
(17-08-2017 01:32 PM)Ruby Crystal Wrote:  I don't care if he cheats.


But others may care that their loved one cheat and they have every right to it.

Quote: Because I find the definition of word of 'Cheating' to be kind of stupid.


I see nothing stupid in it.

Quote: Stigmas in the world and such of only having 'one' person to be committed to has made society quick to get angry should someone not conform to this.


People from which society consists have every right to be angry at unfaithful partners.

Quote: I've heard cases of where the man still is with and loves his wife, but might have an affair and the wife is okay with it.


I heard stories in which side that was cheated on claimed that all was right.

Quote: But so many people tell her it's wrong and unfaithful that he does this. Why is that? Does everyone have to conform to your ideas and thinking like all the other sheep behind you?


If it wasn't open relationship from the start then cheating side is simply liar. Condemning such does not make one sheep but rather person with principles.

Quote: So what if they have an open relationship of they don't make a big fuss if their boyfriend/girlfriend has another besides them?


If they have open relationship there should be no fuss at all.

Quote: My boyfriend and me where in highschool, and I didn't blame him.


So?

Quote: In highschool you're not suppose to think about long term.


Says who?

Quote: So if he.she cheats, what's the point in getting all emotional about it? It's not hurting you, and things in the relationship are as normal as when you started, so who cares?


Do you know many people that get emotional when someone cheat on you or this is just some strange rant?


Quote: So when I was told he might be cheating, I just shrugged it off and said I didn't care. That seemed to shock everyone. As longs as he/she don't give you not sexual diseases, and things are still smooth in the relationship, why make a big deal? Because it's unfaithful and 'un-' something else?


You're free to not care just like others are free to condemn cheating party. You may not see it as big deal, others might however.

The first revolt is against the supreme tyranny of theology, of the phantom of God. As long as we have a master in heaven, we will be slaves on earth.

Mikhail Bakunin.
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17-08-2017, 03:07 PM
RE: Cheating
To each his own. Some people like you don’t care about infidelity, my wife and I do. I’m not passing judgement on your relationships and I’d expect the same from you regarding ours. Drinking Beverage

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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17-08-2017, 04:19 PM
RE: Cheating
Cheating implies deception and distrustful conduct.

If two (or more) people enter into an "open" relationship or social contract where all parties understand what is expected of them and what boundaries are agreed on, that's fine. The specific terms of the agreement can be anything.

While it can be argued our society overemphasises the significance of sexual infidelity, if two people came to an agreement to only engage in sexual contact with each other to the exclusion of all others and one of them breaks that rule then the other has cause to dissolve the arrangement. That's cheating or breaking your word.

My wife wanted children, I married her with the understanding that that was one of the terms of our marriage. If after we got married I said "nope, I don't want kids any more" that would be as much a betrayal as infidelity, and cause for divorce.

So when you use the word cheating in regard to what your boyfriend might be doing, is it because you originally had the expectation that your relationship would be exclusive? If so then he cheated & can be deemed untrustworthy which is the real crux that would (or at least should) kill any relationship. If it was understood that you & he would still see other people while you are together then he isn't cheating on you.

So...if he is seeing someone else, do you consider it cheating?

Forget what other people are saying.

A friend in the hole

"If we're going to be damned, let's be damned for what we really are." - Captain Picard
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19-08-2017, 07:50 AM
RE: Cheating
I'd think that people shouldn't think long term in highschool. Because it never works out 90% of the time, the other 10% of time people tend to meet up again and hit it off well, even get married. Even go through highschool with their sweetheart to marry.

I often think if your thinking 10 years at the age of 15 to marry the first guy you meet, I call it often small time living. I see and hear it all the time where i live.

I respect other relationships. I can get the anger, but all the songs I hear about it make me shake my head. If anything, shouldn't you be more mature about it rather than tear the guy/girls, car/house/anything apart? I'd like to think we are mature, but the thing is there are people to think cheating is the worse thing your other can do, there are worse things that could happen then that.
For one thing, he/she could cheat, no telly you, then you get STD's or something from them that they got from their other.
Use you for money, then leave you for dead.
Or say they only liked you because you're hot and sex is great, but they love the other for something else.

Just to name a few. Finding out all they did was cheat alone, I find it's as bad as what could happen. Then again, i'm optimistic.

As Full Circle said, 'To each is their own'. It was just a conversation I had with a friend.

"Governments don't want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking That is against their interests.
They want obedient workers people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork And just dumb enough to passively accept it."

- George Carlin
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19-08-2017, 08:20 AM
RE: Cheating
(19-08-2017 07:50 AM)Ruby Crystal Wrote:  I'd think that people shouldn't think long term in highschool. Because it never works out 90% of the time, the other 10% of time people tend to meet up again and hit it off well, even get married. Even go through highschool with their sweetheart to marry.

I often think if your thinking 10 years at the age of 15 to marry the first guy you meet, I call it often small time living. I see and hear it all the time where i live.

I respect other relationships. I can get the anger, but all the songs I hear about it make me shake my head. If anything, shouldn't you be more mature about it rather than tear the guy/girls, car/house/anything apart? I'd like to think we are mature, but the thing is there are people to think cheating is the worse thing your other can do, there are worse things that could happen then that.
For one thing, he/she could cheat, no telly you, then you get STD's or something from them that they got from their other.
Use you for money, then leave you for dead.
Or say they only liked you because you're hot and sex is great, but they love the other for something else.

Just to name a few. Finding out all they did was cheat alone, I find it's as bad as what could happen. Then again, i'm optimistic.

As Full Circle said, 'To each is their own'. It was just a conversation I had with a friend.

Thinking too much about love and relationships that didn't work is a sureshit way to a personal hell. Cut ties with somebody who has betrayed your trust and more on.

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19-08-2017, 08:26 AM
RE: Cheating
At work.

Hug
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19-08-2017, 09:30 AM
RE: Cheating
(19-08-2017 07:50 AM)Ruby Crystal Wrote:  I'd think that people shouldn't think long term in highschool. Because it never works out 90% of the time, the other 10% of time people tend to meet up again and hit it off well, even get married. Even go through highschool with their sweetheart to marry.

I often think if your thinking 10 years at the age of 15 to marry the first guy you meet, I call it often small time living. I see and hear it all the time where i live.


Just to name a few. Finding out all they did was cheat alone, I find it's as bad as what could happen. Then again, i'm optimistic.

As Full Circle said, 'To each is their own'. It was just a conversation I had with a friend.

I agree 100% with you that nobody in a high school relationship should consider it long term. I remember people having 1 month "anniversaries" etc...

But the social relationships people have in high school are learning lessons, those experiences are important in that they are how we start to learn how to deal intimately with other people throughout our lives.

The behaviors you're willing to accept/tolerate and what you're not willing to accept/tolerate, and learning perhaps what behaviors of yours that others are willing to tolerate. There will always be something you won't like about even your "soul mate" should you find them, learning how to deal with that...

That's the important thing.

A friend in the hole

"If we're going to be damned, let's be damned for what we really are." - Captain Picard
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19-08-2017, 09:37 AM
RE: Cheating
@Ruby

I see no reason for not thinking long term in high school. You say it never work out but do you have something to back up that assertion?

I don't care about songs and as for being mature everyone deals with situations diffefently I guess. I don't see much point in slashing tires or something like that but I don't much care how othets react to cheating. Why should I? As for people thinking that cheating is worst that one can do - care to back it somehow?

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The first revolt is against the supreme tyranny of theology, of the phantom of God. As long as we have a master in heaven, we will be slaves on earth.

Mikhail Bakunin.
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20-08-2017, 08:54 PM
RE: Cheating
Our society is based on a book of tribal lore and mythology passed down by a patriarchy of more or less celibate monks. This has left us with some very strange baggage and we should probably see a therapist.

The definition of cheating is when somebody in a relationship isn't playing by the rules. If the rules allow sleeping with other people then it isn't cheating. What's important is that everybody understands what the rules are.

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Flesh and blood of a dead star, slain in the apocalypse of supernova, resurrected by four billion years of continuous autocatalytic reaction and crowned with the emergent property of sentience in the dream that the universe might one day understand itself.
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