Childfree advice
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21-09-2013, 10:58 AM
RE: Childfree advice
Oh boy, I went through that one all my adult life. Not just parents, other relatives, close friends, even neighbors, colleagues, acquaintances - you name it, I have held everyone's babies and I have been asked to have kids a zillion times and have had artificial insemination explained to me ad nauseam.

Actually, I don't dislike kids, it's just better when someone else takes them home when I am done playing with them. I don't mind spending a couple hours with friend's kids, but then I am done with it.

Nobody implanted a "ticking clock" in me. People don't get it. They don't get that I see no reason to contribute to the gross overpopulation of this world. If I had wanted kids in my house, I would have adopted some.

I like interacting with inquisitive kids and don't get tired of the "why, why, why", but I can do without the diapers, illnesses, behavior issues and inherent drama. But I think the biggest reason I never wanted kids was that I think there are way more than enough people on this planet.

Thank dog I am post-menopausal and no one expects me to get pregnant anymore. Tongue

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21-09-2013, 11:16 AM
RE: Childfree advice
(21-09-2013 09:37 AM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(20-09-2013 01:54 PM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  My question is this: How do I get it through their thick skulls that we do not in any way shape or form want children without being overtly rude to them?

Tell them you can't have children 'cause your fellas don't know how to swim. And then start weeping. They'll never speak of it again. Drinking Beverage
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21-09-2013, 12:43 PM
RE: Childfree advice
Don't get me wrong; I wouldn't have minded if official parenthood happened to me... but I'm extremely overjoyed and relieved that it didn't happen. I love kids - however, several years of other peoples' kids was enough for me to know I did not need any of my own.

***
I don't know why people place such expectations on the lives of others - it doesn't make sense to me. Do they think they are being "social" or something? Cause, that kind of pressure would cause me to be pretty dang anit-social.

I love Girly's suggestion but LJ is right; they already don't get it so, it will just confuse them more. They'd probably start giving you lectures about adoption, surrogate childbearing, and yea, they're probably jumping at the chance to farm out one of their own mongrel horde! Dodgy

Nah, direct language backed up by decisive action is the only way to receive tranquility from such a demanding pack of busybodies. Drinking Beverage

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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21-09-2013, 07:22 PM
RE: Childfree advice
The advice that my mother give me when I married was that no matter how many years you wait until you have kids, when you look back at your life together that time is going to look too short. Having babies is also one of the most difficult things a typical person will do in their lives. It isn't easy, and no marriage was saved by bringing a new baby into the world.

There are plenty of reasons to say "not yet" rather than "never" that perhaps those offering their helpful advice might grasp.

That said maybe an atheistic approach would work: We don't want children right now. Right, I know you say that's just a phase and we'll want children one day. Let's just wait and see if that ever happens.

... or just start wearing VHEMT pins to all social engagements: http://www.vhemt.org/

Give me your argument in the form of a published paper, and then we can start to talk.
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22-09-2013, 07:23 AM
RE: Childfree advice
I do wonder what personal circumstances you have gone through in your life and what makes you (from the wording of your posts OP) sound like you literally hate and despise all children.

Just keep chipping away at the adults, eventually they will get the picture. Just don't ever be nasty to the children themselves, caus then your just being a cunt.

Failing everything else and on the extreme side tell them you are being treated psychologically for unwanted thoughts of a pedophilia nature. I think you may work your way down to the bottom of their babysitting list.

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23-09-2013, 07:36 AM
RE: Childfree advice
(21-09-2013 09:37 AM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(20-09-2013 01:54 PM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  My question is this: How do I get it through their thick skulls that we do not in any way shape or form want children without being overtly rude to them?

Tell them you can't have children 'cause your fellas don't know how to swim. And then start weeping. They'll never speak of it again. Drinking Beverage

That's one of the things that makes it even more infuriating. My wife had a tubal ligation 3 years before we got married. They KNOW she is sterile, but they still think it's just a phase or whatever. I guarantee they prayed day and night that her tubal ligation wouldn't work.

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
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23-09-2013, 07:45 AM
RE: Childfree advice
(21-09-2013 10:58 AM)Dom Wrote:  Actually, I don't dislike kids, it's just better when someone else takes them home when I am done playing with them. I don't mind spending a couple hours with friend's kids, but then I am done with it.

Nobody implanted a "ticking clock" in me. People don't get it. They don't get that I see no reason to contribute to the gross overpopulation of this world. If I had wanted kids in my house, I would have adopted some.

I like interacting with inquisitive kids and don't get tired of the "why, why, why", but I can do without the diapers, illnesses, behavior issues and inherent drama. But I think the biggest reason I never wanted kids was that I think there are way more than enough people on this planet.

Thank dog I am post-menopausal and no one expects me to get pregnant anymore. Tongue

I've always said "I like children when they're somebody else's and well behaved"

(22-09-2013 07:23 AM)bemore Wrote:  I do wonder what personal circumstances you have gone through in your life and what makes you (from the wording of your posts OP) sound like you literally hate and despise all children.

It's not that I hate and despise all children, just the concept of having children. I am fine with children that can wipe their own ass and understand what "be quiet" means. I just find the idea of having a child of my own repulsive.

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
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23-09-2013, 10:55 AM
RE: Childfree advice
I can,t stand kids. I get an overwhelming urge to vomit whenever I am forced to interact with a human that is pre-pubescent. Oddly, I get along GREAT with teenagers. I learned that the best way to get the message across to others is to crinkle my face up and exclaim, "EW!" the moment someone suggests I hold/speak to/interact with their child.

My own wedding story: we also said No Children. At least for the reception. A few people tried to stay with their kids. I directly approached them and told them that kids weren't allowed, and that they would have to take their children home. One person told me it was too long a drive to take the kids home and then come back. It was my cousin. I reached out, shook his hand and thanked him for coming, then winked and told him to drive safely. Then I turned around and walked away.

No one brings their filthy rug rats to our house without permission anymore.


....come to think of it.....I haven,t heard from my cousin in years. Hmmm. Consider

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23-09-2013, 10:58 AM
RE: Childfree advice
(23-09-2013 10:55 AM)Stark Raving Wrote:  I can,t stand kids. I get an overwhelming urge to vomit whenever I am forced to interact with a human that is pre-pubescent. Oddly, I get along GREAT with teenagers. I learned that the best way to get the message across to others is to crinkle my face up and exclaim, "EW!" the moment someone suggests I hold/speak to/interact with their child.

My own wedding story: we also said No Children. At least for the reception. A few people tried to stay with their kids. I directly approached them and told them that kids weren't allowed, and that they would have to take their children home. One person told me it was too long a drive to take the kids home and then come back. It was my cousin. I reached out, shook his hand and thanked him for coming, then winked and told him to drive safely. Then I turned around and walked away.

No one brings their filthy rug rats to our house without permission anymore.


....come to think of it.....I haven,t heard from my cousin in years. Hmmm. Consider

must've been a long way indeed Tongue

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23-09-2013, 11:35 AM
RE: Childfree advice
I understand not liking kids. I have one of my own but will never have any more and don't particularly like other people's children. However, I understand that kids are extremely important to their parents, so if I care about their parents at all, I must also care about their kids, tantrums and snot and all. If I behave in ways that are impolite or disrespectful to these people or their children, why would they want to have any sort of relationship with me? Almost everyone has kids and limiting my already slim entourage of friends to those who don't have children would leave me with none at all. I don't understand this attitude.

On the topic of people pushing you to have children, however, I completely agree that this is innapropriate and unacceptable behavior. I can't really tell you what the answer is as this will vary greatly with family dynamics and individual personalities that I'm not familiar with, but I think the other posters who have suggested that you put your foot down a little firmer have the right idea. You have to be firm and maybe even harsh with these people. Let them know it bothers you and even that you have considered cutting ties with them over it. They obviously lack the ability to see any point of view other than their own, so you have to present it in such a way that it will become obvious how this actually affects them. If you make it clear as daylight, the ones who care about you will respect your wishes. The ones who don't, well, who needs people like that around?

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who has said it- not even if I have said it- unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. - Buddha
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