Childfree advice
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23-09-2013, 12:43 PM
RE: Childfree advice
I like kids best when they are in their question phase. They want to know everything and they soak things up like a sponge. And they ask some damn good questions. I have done a bit of baby sitting for friends when their kids were that age, taken them to a park or zoo or museum. The parents get tired of the whats and whys, but I like watching their minds at work. They have a very healthy approach at that age, they believe nothing and question everything. My kind of little people. If only people didn't give them such crappy answers, they'd all grow up to be smart people.

That's about the extent of my love affair with kids though.

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23-09-2013, 04:48 PM
RE: Childfree advice
(20-09-2013 01:54 PM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  So, I need some advice from some rational minds. Hope you guys have some words of wisdom for me.

So, before we got married, my wife and I decided we weren't going to have children. Neither of us is a fan of children and neither of us feels any type of "parental instinct" or pull to have children. We'd rather live life for each other and enjoy life instead of giving in to pressures to produce offspring.

The problem is that my family is filled with breeders. They LOVE babies. Babies, babies, babies. Because of this, they can't fathom the concept that we don't want children. They can't understand why we don't coo and aww over newborns. They continue to send us pictures that we find disgusting (unwashed newborns, baby puke, etc) with comments like "aww, aren't they so cute?" They'll also try to make us hold babies or try to "trick" us into playing with the kids in the family so we will catch the "baby bug".

My question is this: How do I get it through their thick skulls that we do not in any way shape or form want children without being overtly rude to them? I've had to leave a few family gatherings to prevent from going off and telling my cousin/sister/friend that their "adorable" newborn looks like a mutated alien?

Passive agression, my sweet.

Get two Rhodesian Ridgebacks (Pit Bulls are more portable if you are an apartment dweller...) and insist that at EVERY. FAMILY. GATHERING, yooooour babies must be included.

Name them something annoying like Jupiter and Zeus.

All family photos....Jup and Z are front and center.....If you hear the first complaint, sell the dogs and remind them that it is THEIR problem that you don't come to Thanksgiving anymore.

Oh....and take some ostentatious vacations with all your disposable income that they are forced to plow into their litters. Talk ENDLESSLY about the exotic locales and expensive food.....Post copious photos on fb, if thats your lick, to counter the retarded snaps of Goober Jr. with his hands down his diaper playing "I found a peanut".

It sounds like you are young....and you may protest too much? Your sex life is YOUR business.

Go silent on them. Utterly SILENT about kids. ALL kids. And if Aunt Eunice asks once more about why you don't have kids yet, whisper in your VERY BEST (loudest) JEWISH MOTHER IN THE RECEIVING LINE WHISPER...... "BECAUSE WE HAVE'NT FINISHED THE "Anal Pleasure" CHAPTER OF "The Joy of Sex" yet..." and that you're pretty sure the babies commence from the front door.

And next time....pay for your own elopement to an island that doesn't allow children. Sandals is nice, I hear. Wink
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23-09-2013, 05:27 PM
RE: Childfree advice
(23-09-2013 04:48 PM)Hypatia Wrote:  
(20-09-2013 01:54 PM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  So, I need some advice from some rational minds. Hope you guys have some words of wisdom for me.

So, before we got married, my wife and I decided we weren't going to have children. Neither of us is a fan of children and neither of us feels any type of "parental instinct" or pull to have children. We'd rather live life for each other and enjoy life instead of giving in to pressures to produce offspring.

The problem is that my family is filled with breeders. They LOVE babies. Babies, babies, babies. Because of this, they can't fathom the concept that we don't want children. They can't understand why we don't coo and aww over newborns. They continue to send us pictures that we find disgusting (unwashed newborns, baby puke, etc) with comments like "aww, aren't they so cute?" They'll also try to make us hold babies or try to "trick" us into playing with the kids in the family so we will catch the "baby bug".

My question is this: How do I get it through their thick skulls that we do not in any way shape or form want children without being overtly rude to them? I've had to leave a few family gatherings to prevent from going off and telling my cousin/sister/friend that their "adorable" newborn looks like a mutated alien?

Passive agression, my sweet.

Get two Rhodesian Ridgebacks (Pit Bulls are more portable if you are an apartment dweller...) and insist that at EVERY. FAMILY. GATHERING, yooooour babies must be included.

Name them something annoying like Jupiter and Zeus.

All family photos....Jup and Z are front and center.....If you hear the first complaint, sell the dogs and remind them that it is THEIR problem that you don't come to Thanksgiving anymore.

Oh....and take some ostentatious vacations with all your disposable income that they are forced to plow into their litters. Talk ENDLESSLY about the exotic locales and expensive food.....Post copious photos on fb, if thats your lick, to counter the retarded snaps of Goober Jr. with his hands down his diaper playing "I found a peanut".

It sounds like you are young....and you may protest too much? Your sex life is YOUR business.

Go silent on them. Utterly SILENT about kids. ALL kids. And if Aunt Eunice asks once more about why you don't have kids yet, whisper in your VERY BEST (loudest) JEWISH MOTHER IN THE RECEIVING LINE WHISPER...... "BECAUSE WE HAVE'NT FINISHED THE "Anal Pleasure" CHAPTER OF "The Joy of Sex" yet..." and that you're pretty sure the babies commence from the front door.

And next time....pay for your own elopement to an island that doesn't allow children. Sandals is nice, I hear. Wink

that's beautiful Angel

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23-09-2013, 06:01 PM
RE: Childfree advice
(23-09-2013 05:27 PM)nach_in Wrote:  
(23-09-2013 04:48 PM)Hypatia Wrote:  Passive agression, my sweet.

Get two Rhodesian Ridgebacks (Pit Bulls are more portable if you are an apartment dweller...) and insist that at EVERY. FAMILY. GATHERING, yooooour babies must be included.

Name them something annoying like Jupiter and Zeus.

All family photos....Jup and Z are front and center.....If you hear the first complaint, sell the dogs and remind them that it is THEIR problem that you don't come to Thanksgiving anymore.

Oh....and take some ostentatious vacations with all your disposable income that they are forced to plow into their litters. Talk ENDLESSLY about the exotic locales and expensive food.....Post copious photos on fb, if thats your lick, to counter the retarded snaps of Goober Jr. with his hands down his diaper playing "I found a peanut".

It sounds like you are young....and you may protest too much? Your sex life is YOUR business.

Go silent on them. Utterly SILENT about kids. ALL kids. And if Aunt Eunice asks once more about why you don't have kids yet, whisper in your VERY BEST (loudest) JEWISH MOTHER IN THE RECEIVING LINE WHISPER...... "BECAUSE WE HAVE'NT FINISHED THE "Anal Pleasure" CHAPTER OF "The Joy of Sex" yet..." and that you're pretty sure the babies commence from the front door.

And next time....pay for your own elopement to an island that doesn't allow children. Sandals is nice, I hear. Wink

that's beautiful Angel

It certainly is, I got a little choked up. Sadcryface

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24-09-2013, 08:29 AM
RE: Childfree advice
(23-09-2013 04:48 PM)Hypatia Wrote:  Passive agression, my sweet.

Get two Rhodesian Ridgebacks (Pit Bulls are more portable if you are an apartment dweller...) and insist that at EVERY. FAMILY. GATHERING, yooooour babies must be included.

I have a pit and a rotty. This may actually work.

Quote:Name them something annoying like Jupiter and Zeus.



All family photos....Jup and Z are front and center.....If you hear the first complaint, sell the dogs and remind them that it is THEIR problem that you don't come to Thanksgiving anymore.

Oh....and take some ostentatious vacations with all your disposable income that they are forced to plow into their litters. Talk ENDLESSLY about the exotic locales and expensive food.....Post copious photos on fb, if thats your lick, to counter the retarded snaps of Goober Jr. with his hands down his diaper playing "I found a peanut".

these plans are already in the works. The wife and I take annual honeymoons, I flaunt the fact that I drive a 2 seat sports car to my relatives driving minivans, etc. I'm convinced they've just deluded themselves into thinking that it's a "phase" or whatever.

Quote:It sounds like you are young....and you may protest too much? Your sex life is YOUR business.

Go silent on them. Utterly SILENT about kids. ALL kids. And if Aunt Eunice asks once more about why you don't have kids yet, whisper in your VERY BEST (loudest) JEWISH MOTHER IN THE RECEIVING LINE WHISPER...... "BECAUSE WE HAVE'NT FINISHED THE "Anal Pleasure" CHAPTER OF "The Joy of Sex" yet..." and that you're pretty sure the babies commence from the front door.

And next time....pay for your own elopement to an island that doesn't allow children. Sandals is nice, I hear. Wink

We're in our 30's. Not sure what you consider young, but I would think people who made it through their 20s without catching the "baby bug" aren't going to suddenly pull a 180 and decide childrenz are the bestest. Alas, my family is anything but rational.

The anal sex reference may cause a few heart attacks. Shocking Maybe if I claimed that we were both still virgins and didn't want to sully the purity of our love with the ebil sexes, they might stop with the comments.

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
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24-09-2013, 08:51 AM
RE: Childfree advice
(24-09-2013 08:29 AM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  We're in our 30's. Not sure what you consider young, but I would think people who made it through their 20s without catching the "baby bug" aren't going to suddenly pull a 180 and decide childrenz are the bestest. Alas, my family is anything but rational.

Actually, I know people who got the baby bug (ticking clock) when they hit 40. You don't sound like this though, these folks had not actually decided never to have kids, they kept postponing it for various reasons.

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24-09-2013, 09:02 AM
RE: Childfree advice
(24-09-2013 08:51 AM)Dom Wrote:  
(24-09-2013 08:29 AM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  We're in our 30's. Not sure what you consider young, but I would think people who made it through their 20s without catching the "baby bug" aren't going to suddenly pull a 180 and decide childrenz are the bestest. Alas, my family is anything but rational.

Actually, I know people who got the baby bug (ticking clock) when they hit 40. You don't sound like this though, these folks had not actually decided never to have kids, they kept postponing it for various reasons.

Yeah, not gonna happen. I can understand the ticking clock in people who always intended to have children, but time passed faster than they realized. We have never looked at the situation and thought "well, maybe in 10 years" or "maybe after I finish school" we'll have children. Those phrases are mostly finished with "we'll move to Alaska or live overseas".

When we did live far from family for a while, the nicest thing was never ever being subjected to children in a social setting. All of our friends were younger and didn't have families. We have a few childfree friends here at home, but their numbers are dwindling as they start popping out offspring. We try to keep up those friendships, but they inevitably fade due to the children monopolizing their parent's time. (note: I don't blame or hate those friends who we've grown from due to children, I just find it sad that we've lost friends)

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
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24-09-2013, 10:21 AM
RE: Childfree advice
(24-09-2013 09:02 AM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  
(24-09-2013 08:51 AM)Dom Wrote:  Actually, I know people who got the baby bug (ticking clock) when they hit 40. You don't sound like this though, these folks had not actually decided never to have kids, they kept postponing it for various reasons.

Yeah, not gonna happen. I can understand the ticking clock in people who always intended to have children, but time passed faster than they realized. We have never looked at the situation and thought "well, maybe in 10 years" or "maybe after I finish school" we'll have children. Those phrases are mostly finished with "we'll move to Alaska or live overseas".

When we did live far from family for a while, the nicest thing was never ever being subjected to children in a social setting. All of our friends were younger and didn't have families. We have a few childfree friends here at home, but their numbers are dwindling as they start popping out offspring. We try to keep up those friendships, but they inevitably fade due to the children monopolizing their parent's time. (note: I don't blame or hate those friends who we've grown from due to children, I just find it sad that we've lost friends)

That is what happens, your friends start having kids and that seems all they can ever talk about anymore. Understandably so, kids do consume your life. But it does make you unable to relate anymore...

The same is true though if you deconvert and all your friends are still talking about god all day long.

Or if you stay single and most of your friends get married.

It's a more common phenomenon than we realize, with different causes and the same effect.

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24-09-2013, 10:42 AM
RE: Childfree advice
(20-09-2013 02:32 PM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  
(20-09-2013 02:17 PM)kim Wrote:  Just don't show up at a few family gatherings. If questioned about your absence, advise that people in the family are constantly trying to put a kid in your arms and it's just not your's and your wife's thing.

Let them know you like people the way they are and that you don't like to try to change people. So, rather than get into it with someone and possibly coming off insensitively, you'd just rather stay away.

Then, you and your wife can share a bit more quality time together, with a lot less pressure to perform the niceties of "the family get together".


As always, in the end...
The truth will set you free. Angel

We've tried the polite "to each their own" approach. Despite being very clearly told that we don't like children, they continue to assume that we're just confused, or just haven't been exposed to the wonder that children are (almost vomited typing that).

When we got married, we expressly put NO CHILDREN on the invitation, even bolded it. Most of them brought their children anyways. One actually said "children are wonderful, why wouldn't we bring them" not wanting to start an argument, we just ignored the children but it really angered my new wife.

I'm trying to find a way to make them understand. I do really enjoy the company of my family, but I swear I'm going to start ranting and insulting their children if I can't get them to simply drop it. Seriously, the last time we were together, my sister tried to get me to watch her son while he was being crabby. It took every ounce of self control to not tell her "watch your own damn brat, I don't want to deal with the shithead" I'm trying really hard to not be "that guy", but it gets harder the more they push.

No you can be that guy. they are being that guy on teh opposite side are they not?

I do not want children. I do not take shit from those that think they know best for me on an overly populated planet to begin with. Don't take it from friends or relative. They get to decide how they will be and when they cross the line over towards how you will be they are not acting as your friend.

I would have told your sister hey you can find your kid out back I tied him to a tree and let him scream out there so I could hear the radio...yeah one more reason I am not a parent.

You and your wife need to stand your ground against them until they get that it is not ok to act like that or you don't show up any more and force them to ask the question why.
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24-09-2013, 03:32 PM
RE: Childfree advice
(24-09-2013 10:21 AM)Dom Wrote:  
(24-09-2013 09:02 AM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  Yeah, not gonna happen. I can understand the ticking clock in people who always intended to have children, but time passed faster than they realized. We have never looked at the situation and thought "well, maybe in 10 years" or "maybe after I finish school" we'll have children. Those phrases are mostly finished with "we'll move to Alaska or live overseas".

When we did live far from family for a while, the nicest thing was never ever being subjected to children in a social setting. All of our friends were younger and didn't have families. We have a few childfree friends here at home, but their numbers are dwindling as they start popping out offspring. We try to keep up those friendships, but they inevitably fade due to the children monopolizing their parent's time. (note: I don't blame or hate those friends who we've grown from due to children, I just find it sad that we've lost friends)

That is what happens, your friends start having kids and that seems all they can ever talk about anymore. Understandably so, kids do consume your life. But it does make you unable to relate anymore...

The same is true though if you deconvert and all your friends are still talking about god all day long.

Or if you stay single and most of your friends get married.

It's a more common phenomenon than we realize, with different causes and the same effect.

THAT IS SO TRUE!!! We have some (FOUR couples) childless by choice friends, and they are different people entirely even though we are the same age. They think differently about a great deal of the world...like being totally apolitical because they don't have progeny to worry over...it makes them very "SELF" absorbed...and I don't mean that in the bad way at all....they just have more to do than wipe noses and sit on bleachers at football practice so they are increasingly detached from our social circles as time goes on....and the point of what Im saying is that>>>

While they never wanted children, we, the friends they HAD "BB" (Before Breeding), are different people TOO. Personally, when our kids fledged, our childless friends were still there, and our interests re-converged.

But in the mean time you are going to have to husband a new social group. And trust me, you won't miss not having energy draining offspring to clean up after anymore than I miss not having filthy indoor animals to clean up after. It is ALL a matter of personal choice. And THANK YOU for having the wisdom to know you don't have the temperament to raise children. THAT takes real foresight and maturity...because you can't take kids to the pound when you get tired of them. Neglected children end up in our jail system and that is EVERYONE'S problem.

I applaud you making the choice that is right for you. And fuck'em if they don't like it.

And anal? .....Overrated.
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