Children and punishments
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16-01-2014, 02:44 PM
Children and punishments
A few links

http://www.msd.govt.nz/about-msd-and-our...4-127.html
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16-01-2014, 02:44 PM
Children and punishments
http://www.apsa.org/About_APsaA/Position...hment.aspx
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16-01-2014, 02:45 PM
Children and punishments
http://www.livestrong.com/article/213859...ld/#page=1
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16-01-2014, 02:46 PM
Children and punishments
http://unhinfo.unh.edu/ccrc/pdf/CV10.pdf
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16-01-2014, 02:52 PM
Children and punishments
(16-01-2014 02:23 PM)Slowminded Wrote:  
(16-01-2014 01:43 PM)hotnostril Wrote:  My personal experience isn't clouded by trying to reconcile why my parents hit me and making excuses for it, with the notion of unconditional love, trust and respect.

I was never hit. I know there is a better way.

Maybe there is a better way, so? Does that mean that a slap on the butt is a child abuse?
No, it doesn't.
Can you show some research that shows that spanking is traumatic for the child and that it leaves any kind of psychological damage?

Then show me that other forms of punishment and disciplining a child doesn't leave any kind of psychological damage.

In other words, explain why do you think that spanking is more damaging to child's psyche then sending it to its room, or taking away its toys.

You asked for a proven better way...
Here:
Effective Alternatives to Physical (Corporal) Punishment

These suggested alternatives provide parents and caregivers with greater understanding of children's development, present strategies which can lead to less violent behavior in children and adults, and decrease the frustration and helplessness in parents which often lead to physical punishment (see also Am. Acad. Ped. 1998).

1. Talking and Listening. One of the most useful ways to achieve healthy child development is to promote using words instead of actions. Increasing the child's capacity to put words to feelings and actions results in increased tension regulation (awareness of feelings and ability to tolerate them without having to act), self-awareness, and thoughtful decision-making. This process is accomplished by:

· Talking and using words instead of actions – talk rather than hit. Talk with the child about what behaviors are acceptable or not, what is safe or dangerous, and why.

· Listening to the child – find out why he/she did or did not do something.

· Explaining your reasons – this will enhance the child's decision-making capacities.

2. Discipline as Learning. The word "discipline" comes from the Latin word for "teaching" or "learning." Children's behaviors have meaning, and behaviors are directly connected to inner feelings. Thus, discipline is a process that focuses on feelings and the behaviors that result from these feelings.

Having realistic expectations of the level of self-control, patience and judgment your child has at a given developmental stage greatly enhances effective discipline.

3. Label Feelings. Help the child label his or her feelings with words as early as possible. Feelings such as interest, enjoyment, surprise, distress, anger, fear, shame, and disgust should be labeled with words. This facilitates tension regulation and aids the transition to more mature ways of handling emotion.

4. Positive Reinforcement. Rewards and praise will enhance the child's self-esteem when appropriate standards are met. Positive reinforcement is more effective in obtaining long-term behavioral compliance than punishments that evoke feelings of fear and shame.

5. Teach by Example. Set a good example for the child. The child wants to be like the parents. Children identify with their parents, and they will put feelings and actions into words when they see their parents doing this. Who the parents are, and how they behave, will have a profound impact on the development of their children. A child will follow the parent's lead.

6. Parents need to care for themselves. An exhausted, overburdened or stressed parent is less patience and less able to strategize effective non-physical approaches to discipline. Alcohol use also dramatically decreases parental frustration tolerance and increases impulsivity and resorting to violence.

From the American Academy of Pediatrics...linked above.
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16-01-2014, 02:59 PM
RE: Children and punishments
(16-01-2014 02:23 PM)Slowminded Wrote:  Maybe there is a better way, so? Does that mean that a slap on the butt is a child abuse?
No, it doesn't.
Can you show some research that shows that spanking is traumatic for the child and that it leaves any kind of psychological damage?

Then show me that other forms of punishment and disciplining a child doesn't leave any kind of psychological damage.

In other words, explain why do you think that spanking is more damaging to child's psyche then sending it to its room, or taking away its toys.
Slapping the child on butt is not classified as a child abuse, it's the abuse of personhood. It is not how you deal with real persons and it will not help the child to become a person. It is not something you do with other adults, unless you pay a lot of money, wear black latex suits and remember the release password.

What about no punishment at all? What the hell is punishment good for? Punishment never corrected anyone. Correct people do what is right because they accept what is right. Nobody ever accepts a punishment. Punishment destroys people to such a degree that they stay destroyed and accept everything, right AND wrong and when politicians tell broken people to go, kill and die, these people go, kill and die. That's what it means to be broken, no integrity. Brokenness is not the same as participation on a relationship. When you've got relationship, you can negotiate and cooperate. When parenting is a job, there's no child, there's just a robot or Pavlov's dog.

What about preventing situations that make you angry? What about teaching the child about the world, about rules, making promises, keeping with them, planning together, asking for the child's feedback and doing your best to keep that feedback? What about actually having a good relationship and if you need something, ask the child for a personal favor, because it is YOU who wants the room clean, not the child?

(16-01-2014 02:31 PM)Cathym112 Wrote:  A runaway nigger? Do me a favor. Put your ignorance back in your pants because I don't appreciate looking at a flasher. It's inappropriate and vile.

And since you don't know KC from a hole in the wall, perhaps you should reserve your judgement for someone you do know.

Your parenting problem solving skills are about as valuable as a box of smashed assholes.
You're right, I'm ignorant of your situation. And if I am completely off the mark, there is no reason to get upset. Maybe it's just me, I have a huge reason to get upset, because I was not treated as a person when I was a child. People who treat their children as persons don't need to get angry at me, they can only pity me and maybe agree with me.
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16-01-2014, 03:10 PM
RE: Children and punishments
(15-01-2014 04:41 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  
(15-01-2014 04:21 PM)BrokenQuill92 Wrote:  What are your ideas on disciplinary methods and child rearing?

Washing a mouth with soap?

Spanking?

Standing in the corner?

The time out chair?

Going to bed without supper?

Paying for broken items?

I don't really care for any of these, though I have used the time out on occasion. Maybe I just lucked out, or maybe I am just really patient? I explain to my kids why they shouldn't do certain things. I started explaining to them when they were too young to really understand, but I believe that the earlier you talk to your children like they're adults the earlier they will understand what you're saying. I am constantly complimented on how well behaved my children are. Generally just saying I'm disappointed will snap them out of whatever "bad" things they're doing. I don't like the idea of punishment though. I think it's so much smarter to teach your kids about natural consequences. Well anyways, I'm no parenting guru, I think I just lucked out with super easy kids. I hope it stays that way.

Personally (as a 19 year old), I find that to be the best kind of parenting. My mother was like that, verses my step dad who would use brute force. So I had the two extremes from an early age. Looking back, I highly respect and value the opinion of my mother, while I still get into fist fights with my step father.
Though, just my experience. I did see plenty of kids through high school that just needed a good old fashion beating. Really varies between each family.

Atir aissom atir imon
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16-01-2014, 03:20 PM
RE: Children and punishments
(16-01-2014 02:32 PM)hotnostril Wrote:  
(16-01-2014 02:23 PM)Slowminded Wrote:  Maybe there is a better way, so? Does that mean that a slap on the butt is a child abuse?
No, it doesn't.
Can you show some research that shows that spanking is traumatic for the child and that it leaves any kind of psychological damage?

Then show me that other forms of punishment and disciplining a child doesn't leave any kind of psychological damage.

In other words, explain why do you think that spanking is more damaging to child's psyche then sending it to its room, or taking away its toys.

I never was sent to my room and I've never sent my son to his room either. It makes no logical sense to me to send a child to their room as a punishment when I expect them to willing go there every night to sleep. That would be setting my child up to fail.
I wouldn't just arbitrarily take a toy away either unless the child was using it in a dangerous way.
There are countless scholarly articles & studies of the "negative effects of corporal punishment". A simple google search with the above search terms would be a start.
Could you not make that much posts in a row? You can use "edit" button.

As for the links you posted, slap on the butt is not a corporal punishment.

What alternative would you use in this case ?




. . . ................................ ......................................... . [Image: 2dsmnow.gif] Eat at Joe's
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16-01-2014, 03:31 PM
RE: Children and punishments
(16-01-2014 03:20 PM)Slowminded Wrote:  What alternative would you use in this case ?




I don't see a problem with the way she handled it. The child is 3 or 4 years old. He is acting the way 3 & 4 year olds act. There are probably things that could have happened BEFORE the camera started rolling that probably would have helped in the situation. For instance, my mommy instinct tells me that this child is most likely tired-kids that age still need down time. They just left someplace and kids need warning that a change is coming, they need mental help moving from task to task (clean up, 2 or 3 warnings we are leaving in 5 min, 3, 1 minute).

I would have also tried redirection. If you get in the car, when we get home you can do this or that. That isn't bribery if it was something he would do normally anyway….its changing the subject from no, no, no to there are better ways we could spend our time.



The problem I suspect others have is this kid having a meltdown. Kids have meltdowns, is our job as parents to help them get thru it.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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16-01-2014, 03:33 PM (This post was last modified: 16-01-2014 04:06 PM by undergroundp.)
RE: Children and punishments
Discipline is a weird word. It implies that someone should be your subordinate. You want your children to stop doing bad things because you are big and you can hurt them or because they know that what they are doing is wrong? I could probably find thousands of cases where children are spanked and they don't know why.

I remember once my aunt slapping my 4 year old cousin because she accidentally deleted photos from her mobile phone. Her crying was heart breaking. A few days later she discovered that the photos hadn't been deleted, but simply re-arranged. Could she take back her daughter's thoughts, wondering why mommy had hit her for no reason?

When you train dogs or teach them how to behave, you sometimes have to resort to physical punishment and negative reinforcement. That is mainly because they don't have the brain to understand what is wrong and what is right. However, children do have such capabilities, even from a very young age. They can develop a sense of responsibility and justice, even if they act otherwise. Should they be treated like they don't understand?

Oh and sorry if it's harsh, but, when you become a parent, you take the responsibility to handle your kid even if it acts in the craziest way possible.

"Behind every great pirate, there is a great butt."
-Guybrush Threepwood-
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