Christian friends
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05-09-2016, 10:46 PM
RE: Christian friends
(05-09-2016 11:53 AM)Paleophyte Wrote:  Accept her for who she is. She appears to have done that for you.

It may not be that she doesn't care so much as that she simply can't understand what you're saying. She has no framework on which to hang the concepts that you're talking about. The ones that she does understand may well interact poorly with her beliefs, causing her some psychological distress. If that's the case then she's doing the smart thing by avoiding the topic.

The best thing you can do is to just be a good friend regardless.

As a side note to this. I have been married to a christian for 13 years and he hit the nail on the head. Take it slow and really make sure you know what is going on.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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06-09-2016, 04:40 AM
RE: Christian friends
(05-09-2016 04:06 AM)Jedi Senpai Wrote:  So I have sort of an issue/question. I just recently came out to most of my close friends and two of them were very understanding and were interested in hearing about my deconversion process, but one of my other friends doesn't seem to care at all.

In life, one is lucky to have one true friend. This person is not your friend.

How's that Tarturus Sauce?

Was I too Australian for your sensibilities?

OP. Remember. In life many you are kind to will come to resent you.

Choose friends carefully.

IHTH.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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06-09-2016, 04:10 PM
RE: Christian friends
(05-09-2016 11:53 AM)Paleophyte Wrote:  Accept her for who she is. She appears to have done that for you.

It may not be that she doesn't care so much as that she simply can't understand what you're saying. She has no framework on which to hang the concepts that you're talking about. The ones that she does understand may well interact poorly with her beliefs, causing her some psychological distress. If that's the case then she's doing the smart thing by avoiding the topic.

The best thing you can do is to just be a good friend regardless.

I would say I certainly accept her for who she is. I still even like to hear about her christian experiences and everything going on in her life. But I'm sure she's confused and upset about my decision so I guess I will just have to avoid the topic unless she decides to bring it up.

I remember when I was a christian and so I would say you're totally right and she doesn't have any kind of framework for understanding my new beliefs. I'm totally ok with that because I was there, it just hurts that she is so obviously ignoring this big thing that happened in my life. But I guess we deal with things differently.
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06-09-2016, 04:13 PM
RE: Christian friends
(06-09-2016 04:40 AM)Banjo Wrote:  
(05-09-2016 04:06 AM)Jedi Senpai Wrote:  So I have sort of an issue/question. I just recently came out to most of my close friends and two of them were very understanding and were interested in hearing about my deconversion process, but one of my other friends doesn't seem to care at all.

In life, one is lucky to have one true friend. This person is not your friend.

How's that Tarturus Sauce?

Was I too Australian for your sensibilities?

OP. Remember. In life many you are kind to will come to resent you.

Choose friends carefully.

IHTH.

To be honest my friend has kind of always been like that. She's a bit self absorbed haha so maybe she's not the best friend but she's like family to me so I guess it makes it more difficult to just stop being friends.

And how is that Australian lol?
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06-09-2016, 04:21 PM
RE: Christian friends
Many of the people in my life are Christian. It just isn't that big an issue. I don't make it so and neither do they.

An especially dear friend is quite evangelical. It's part of who she is. We talked about religion a lot...her beliefs and my non-belief. What we came to is the knowledge that we care about one another deeply and that's all the really matters. We have had great discussions and debates and come out as friends on the other side.

I don't want to change her any more than she wants to change me.

People have many aspects to them...to be friends you don't have to like them all.

That said, if it gets to be where she just won't respect you in the same way you respect her you may have to rethink the importance of the relationship. Friendship needs to be a two-way street.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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06-09-2016, 04:28 PM
RE: Christian friends
I really hope our relationship can get to that point. I'd love to have discussions, and like I've said I still like hearing about her Christian experiences. One of my friends and I have really great discussions even though we disagree about a lot of stuff. I guess everyone is different though.
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06-09-2016, 05:37 PM
RE: Christian friends
(05-09-2016 04:06 AM)Jedi Senpai Wrote:  Anyways she didn't talk to me for a couple of days and when we did start talking again she said she loves me no matter what I believe and then said we don't have to talk about it though, and so we didn't.
She sounds like an awesome friend.

(05-09-2016 04:06 AM)Jedi Senpai Wrote:  Well a week or two later I told her I really don't mind talking about what I believe in and that I actually really enjoy having conversations about religion and beliefs. I also told her she really got the short version about why I don't believe anymore and I'd love to tell her why I no longer believe but she doesn't seem to care at all.
Cool.
(05-09-2016 04:06 AM)Jedi Senpai Wrote:  If the roles were reversed, even if I were sad that my friend no longer believed in something that was very important to us, I would be curious to know why they no longer believe.
Sure, but roles aren't reversed. She is herself and you are yourself.
I guess you are trying to work out if she cares about you.
What did she say before? "she said she loves me no matter what I believe", just have faith that she was telling the truth on that. Don't second guess her. Have faith in your friend and your friendship. I guess you are looking for confirmation, perhaps you are feeling self conscious. Just give it time before you do anything drastic.
(05-09-2016 04:06 AM)Jedi Senpai Wrote:  I don't understand why she doesn't care at all to know what's going on in my life.
She doesn't care about your entire life, or she doesn't want to get into a discussion about why you don't believe in her god?
Perhaps she thinks a discussion about your disbelief might create some tension between you. Perhaps she is trying to avoid tension, and instead she is respecting you. If you get into discussion she might feel compelled to challenge you, and perhaps she doesn't want to do that.
(05-09-2016 04:06 AM)Jedi Senpai Wrote:  Every time we talk she always tells me about things god does in her life and what she's learning about him and I even told her I'd still like to hear about that stuff but she doesn't care to hear about the things going on in my life.
Seems like she is carrying on as before, continuing to see you as a close friend. This is good, No?
Of course you want a friendship to go both ways, but perhaps your friend is afraid to think about why people might not believe. She might be scared. Perhaps when things settle down then she will be brave enough to ask. I wouldn't push it. Have faith in your friend. Give it time. Don't push her into an uncomfortable corner. You can't force her to be an outlet for you on this. Friends don't force their friends. Just be patient. Perhaps in time she will be curious and you can strengthen your friendship by having this discussion, but forcing it on her will only damage your friendship.
(05-09-2016 04:06 AM)Jedi Senpai Wrote:  Part of me is angry and feels like she's not really a true friend if she doesn't care
Have faith in her, give it time. No need to test your friendship, just have faith, let her come to you rather than you chasing her on this.
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