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Closet Atheist? Not sure what to do
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31-07-2013, 04:39 PM
RE: Closet Atheist? Not sure what to do
(31-07-2013 11:13 AM)TwoCultSurvivor Wrote:  
(09-06-2013 09:16 PM)Derek Hammar Wrote:  So I have been listening to all the great podcasts and watching videos on this website about deconversion, and since I have recently become a convinced atheist (within this week, but I have been sceptic for most my life) I am nervous about coming out. My friends are all christian and I fear I might lose them. Despite their beliefs they really are great people and very smart, which is infuriating. My family does not go to church but they believe in god. My biggest fear is my dad's reaction, if he goes as crazy as what i've heard on this website I have no idea what I would do, yet there is also a possibility I could convert him. I don't think he really believes, but is playing along because my mom does. My dad loves science and double majored in it, yet still clings to this faith. I am in a huge dilemma, or so it feels like. I can't afford to loose my friends, i'm too anti-social, but I'm exploding and I've only been a full atheist for a week! By the way, I'm 15 years old, thanks for reading and reply please.
As it happens I just came out over Facebook and I'm surprised by the few attacks that have come. One person claimed deism was what he believed in and he has a physics major Smartass. Another friend of mine claims I took the bible out of contextDrinking Beverage. Ya. Sure... But overall it's going well, what are your thoughts on being "spiritual" and believing in a god but not necessarily Christianity? That's what someone told me to research, but I mean, how do you research that?
I voted "yes, to everyone," but I would argue that you should not be in any hurry.

Against logic there is no armor like ignorance. -Laurence J. Peter
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31-07-2013, 04:40 PM
RE: Closet Atheist? Not sure what to do
As it happens I just came out over Facebook and I'm surprised by the few attacks that have come. One person claimed deism was what he believed in and he has a physics major Smartass. Another friend of mine claims I took the bible out of context"coffeedrinker". Ya. Sure... But overall it's going well, what are your thoughts on being "spiritual" and believing in a god but not necessarily Christianity? That's what someone told me to research, but I mean, how do you research that?

Against logic there is no armor like ignorance. -Laurence J. Peter
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31-07-2013, 06:02 PM
RE: Closet Atheist? Not sure what to do
I've never felt the need to announce my religious views, but if it comes up in conversation, I'm not shy about where I stand, either. Atheism is just one of aspect about me, and there are very few reasons that I've ever needed to delve into the subject in my day-to-day life.

Besides, most people are secular in their actions and only passingly religious, and I'm not evangelical, so "coming out" to everyone seems pointless and makes it seem like I have something more to say about it than I do. I live in the South, and almost everyone here is a closed-minded, conservative Christian, so making some announcement about would only come off as me be confrontational. I prefer to let other people bring up subjects that deal with religion because then I don't seem like the aggressor, I seem like the defender.

I'm perfectly open about it with my family (including my kids) and none of them really have anything to say about it. They scoff or tell me I should pray, but they generally don't have anything to say beyond that. My wife and I get into conversations from time to time, but she doesn't get how I think (the fact that I want to know as much about the world as I can baffles her), which is really irritating.

“One of the painful things about our time is that those who feel certainty are stupid,
and those with any imagination and understanding are filled with doubt and indecision.”

- Bertrand Russel
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08-08-2013, 11:45 AM
RE: Closet Atheist? Not sure what to do
I have been out for a few years with non christian friends and my wife, but still feel it necessary to attend church service on Sunday mornings with my wife, who is a born again christian and wants me to be there and pretend (I think she fears loosing our christian friends). One deacon knows, in confidence, that I'm an atheist and the preacher must at least suspect, since I read ebooks during his sermons. He does not comment about the situation since he can't handle anyone who questions the bible. He grew up in West Virginia (which may explain a lot!) though he preaches here in Maine, the least religious state in the nation. All others in the church think I'm a Christian.

Is there anyone out there who is or has been in a similar situation?

Bob

Keep the company of those who seek the truth- run from those who have found it. (Václav Havel)
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09-08-2013, 06:18 PM
RE: Closet Atheist? Not sure what to do
Hi Derek,

Wish I had become an atheist at 15, but that was long ago.

Since your dad is schooled in science (I have a degree in science and retired from Dupont several years ago) and does not go to church, I suspect his religious beliefs are not very strong. It might be worth having a father-son talk about the subject without saying anything about atheism initially. Maybe something like “I have a lot of questions about god and wonder if we could talk about it for a while?”

You might try the same approach with your friends. You may be surprised who your real friends are.

Bob



(09-06-2013 09:16 PM)Derek Hammar Wrote:  So I have been listening to all the great podcasts and watching videos on this website about deconversion, and since I have recently become a convinced atheist (within this week, but I have been sceptic for most my life) I am nervous about coming out. My friends are all christian and I fear I might lose them. Despite their beliefs they really are great people and very smart, which is infuriating. My family does not go to church but they believe in god. My biggest fear is my dad's reaction, if he goes as crazy as what i've heard on this website I have no idea what I would do, yet there is also a possibility I could convert him. I don't think he really believes, but is playing along because my mom does. My dad loves science and double majored in it, yet still clings to this faith. I am in a huge dilemma, or so it feels like. I can't afford to loose my friends, i'm too anti-social, but I'm exploding and I've only been a full atheist for a week! By the way, I'm 15 years old, thanks for reading and reply please.

Keep the company of those who seek the truth- run from those who have found it. (Václav Havel)
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09-08-2013, 06:30 PM
RE: Closet Atheist? Not sure what to do
Thanks for the reply. I agree with what you say though breaking the news to fundamentalist Christians slowly is very difficult if not impossible. Atheist friends are very welcoming, of course. Those associated with liberal churches are fairly easy to come out to, but...

This group seems to be really great and I'm enjoying going through all of Seth's broadcasts also.

Bob


(09-06-2013 09:35 PM)Stark Raving Wrote:  Welcome to the forum! This is a great place to be bursting. I can remember feeling something similar. I'm a pretty much lifelong atheist, but there was that point where you Realize you are an atheist.

Awesome my man. Enjoy it, and welcome to reality. The waters just fine.

As for telling others, my best advice is to take your time. There's no rush. Be thoughtful of how you tell them. If you need to burst, do it here. It's a great community. Let the people around you in on it more gently.

Keep the company of those who seek the truth- run from those who have found it. (Václav Havel)
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30-08-2013, 08:48 AM
RE: Closet Atheist? Not sure what to do
(22-06-2013 11:00 AM)MrAttacus Wrote:  On the contrary to the majority of the posts so far, I would say that the best, and arguably the most morally correct and truthfully noble, thing to do would be to tell your family you are an atheist as soon as possible.

To have to willfully suppress your own behavior, thoughts and views around others because of what they want of you is total double-think bullshit; fuck that.

You can't have other people forcing you to act along as if you share their beliefs, not only their nonfactual anti-scientific beliefs, but even their dubious 'moral' beliefs; when, in fact, you hold the, correct, antithesis of their faulty views. Who gives a fuck what other people think of your ideas? You shouldn't.

If they are so weak and ignoble as to let something so trivial as a differing on viewpoint affect their relationships with you, that's their fucking problem, not yours.

You never chose to have their beliefs, you never even chose to be in league with them. Let them deal with it. If you don't act now, you'll probably never get a chance again and just sink into indecision, procrastination and fear for the rest of your life until you have to permanently live as if you share their delusion.

Wake up, wake up and smell the ashes of freedom. Drinking Beverage

Hi MrAttacus, I just read your post and it almost made me cry Weeping I've taken the first step in telling my protestant family of my atheism a few days ago (after being a 'bad christian' for a while and an atheist for a shorter period of time) and although I've been facing some problems like their groundless arguments and their disrespect of atheism (appalling in the secular country we live in), its' really something that must be done. I could've sworn my recent headache was because of suppressing my belief.

I do miss my 'old' family though. When I could tell my parents' of my troubles, when we had the same beliefs and I agreed with their religion. When I would spend nights praying with my mum, or being able to take the phrase 'just trust god' as sufficient and ample comfort and assurance. I feel so distant from them now. Ignorance was bliss.

It is truly a humbling experience, coming out as a youth. One has gotta be the best guy one can during this time for the reality that they would pin it on one's atheism (at least that's what I predict).

Derek, I hope coming out will be a rewarding and fulfilling experience for you (if you have come out, then good! This thread is kinda old...). I do hope that you losing your christian friends will not be a devastating experience. As an introvert with few friends, I still don't know whether my few friends from church will be receptive to this. My best friend is form church, so I'm pretty scared of losing him, but I shall do what has to be done.

I'm rooting for you man! (a lil cheesy, but still...)Clap

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30-08-2013, 03:14 PM
RE: Closet Atheist? Not sure what to do
(30-08-2013 08:48 AM)guitarist Wrote:  
(22-06-2013 11:00 AM)MrAttacus Wrote:  On the contrary to the majority of the posts so far, I would say that the best, and arguably the most morally correct and truthfully noble, thing to do would be to tell your family you are an atheist as soon as possible.

To have to willfully suppress your own behavior, thoughts and views around others because of what they want of you is total double-think bullshit; fuck that.

You can't have other people forcing you to act along as if you share their beliefs, not only their nonfactual anti-scientific beliefs, but even their dubious 'moral' beliefs; when, in fact, you hold the, correct, antithesis of their faulty views. Who gives a fuck what other people think of your ideas? You shouldn't.

If they are so weak and ignoble as to let something so trivial as a differing on viewpoint affect their relationships with you, that's their fucking problem, not yours.

You never chose to have their beliefs, you never even chose to be in league with them. Let them deal with it. If you don't act now, you'll probably never get a chance again and just sink into indecision, procrastination and fear for the rest of your life until you have to permanently live as if you share their delusion.

Wake up, wake up and smell the ashes of freedom. Drinking Beverage

Hi MrAttacus, I just read your post and it almost made me cry Weeping I've taken the first step in telling my protestant family of my atheism a few days ago (after being a 'bad christian' for a while and an atheist for a shorter period of time) and although I've been facing some problems like their groundless arguments and their disrespect of atheism (appalling in the secular country we live in), its' really something that must be done. I could've sworn my recent headache was because of suppressing my belief.

I do miss my 'old' family though. When I could tell my parents' of my troubles, when we had the same beliefs and I agreed with their religion. When I would spend nights praying with my mum, or being able to take the phrase 'just trust god' as sufficient and ample comfort and assurance. I feel so distant from them now. Ignorance was bliss.

It is truly a humbling experience, coming out as a youth. One has gotta be the best guy one can during this time for the reality that they would pin it on one's atheism (at least that's what I predict).

Derek, I hope coming out will be a rewarding and fulfilling experience for you (if you have come out, then good! This thread is kinda old...). I do hope that you losing your christian friends will not be a devastating experience. As an introvert with few friends, I still don't know whether my few friends from church will be receptive to this. My best friend is form church, so I'm pretty scared of losing him, but I shall do what has to be done.

I'm rooting for you man! (a lil cheesy, but still...)Clap


Yeah, I've been out of the closet for some time now. You do feel so distant from your family, like you're an orphan or something. It sucks coming out, but my parents were'nt disrespectful, they were more... chiding. I don't know the right word for it, but they would act as if they knew, just knew, and they told me they had proof of god, but that I had "not earned permission to see it". So, I took it as BS. I came out on fb too, that can get some christians to comment! Anyways, all I mainly got was that I was reading the bible out of context. I wouldn't worry about your best friend, I met mine at church too. I haven't talked to him about it, but he's always on fb so I'm sure he knows, and just never brings it up. That's fine by me, just like it was before I was an atheist. Oh and one more thing, before you come out to your friends (if you haven't already), know your shit. Learn. Debate online (I recommend http://www.debate.org, if you make an account shoot me a friend request @ yoyopizza). Check out http://wiki.ironchariots.org/index.php?title=Main_Page.

Against logic there is no armor like ignorance. -Laurence J. Peter
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