Closure
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02-02-2015, 08:46 AM
RE: Closure
(01-02-2015 06:01 PM)Nurse Wrote:  Per my FIL's blog I'm cold and heartless. Dodgy

Right. That's what begging for him to love me is...cold and heartless. Saying I can change, try harder, do NP school at UAH and work only part time... I'm completely unreasonable...right.

I'm such a mess I called out tonight. First time ever taking a personal day. I'm not safe to be taking care of critical patients when I'm this fucked up. They won't be home, neither will my cats (parents aren't letting me keep either one), when I get back to Alabama tonight. So my brother is taking me to the bar later and I'm gonna puff on a fancy schmancy cigar he bought me.

At least I don't yet know his apartment number so I won't end up on his doorstep. Already ended up back in bed with him a few times - why is angry hate sex so fucking delicious? At least now I'm not about to spontaneously combust and can be a little more discerning with getting needs met. Wasn't the best idea though...totally fucks with the heart strings.

Hug

I hope this helps, please forgive me if it doesn't.




"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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02-02-2015, 09:37 AM
RE: Closure
(02-02-2015 04:19 AM)Dom Wrote:  Nurse, you have got to get some therapy songs going. Music helped me over my heartbreaks, especially the ones that allowed me to be angry.

I second the motion.




"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
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02-02-2015, 12:09 PM
RE: Closure
How about some of this:





[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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02-02-2015, 12:32 PM
RE: Closure
Another Garth Brooks fan, and while the song is sung from the male perspective you can easily change that Evil_monster





Be strong kid.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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02-02-2015, 05:59 PM
RE: Closure
I'm enjoying the songs. I've regressed a bit, but this is one I was listening to the other day when I was angry:




"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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02-02-2015, 08:32 PM
RE: Closure
Nurse, you seem to have a lot of people around you who are getting off on hurting you -- your ex-husband, your parents, etc. When are you going to tell them they are being abusive, and not helpful, and they should go piss up a rope? On the other hand, your brother sounds o.k. and he may be of some use provided he comes to visit you carrying a couple bottles of tequila.
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23-02-2015, 08:06 PM
RE: Closure
Well. Tonight was shitty. We met with the attorney. It's an uncontested divorce, but in the Almighty State of Alabama an attorney can legally only represent one person. Meaning my husband. So I am to waive my legal rights to an attorney. He said he doesn't play the "gotcha game" and that everything is upfront and that all documents are shared between the two of us. And apparently after the 30day cool off period the there's another 42 day wait for more paperwork.

So there is a certain element of trust on my part. I've always trusted him.

I've had 4 margaritas. I looked hot. He didn't care, though. Not that he ever did. I don't know why I care. But I do. And that bothers me. He at least had the decency to care that I was driving - so I told him - well you're a fucking cop, drive behind me and pull me over if you think I can't make it home. No red lights and one stop sign - not fucking brain surgery.

Over dinner (I asked him to dinner afterwards so we could talk finances, we hadn't talked outside of text messages since he moved out) he asked me about dating and mentioned that he's a detective and alluded to the fact that I went on a date 2 weeks ago. I didn't confirm or deny. Which is as good as a confession to him. He was alluding to the fact that HE wants to date again. And I once again told him that I didn't want to know about his dating habits until he found something serious. I'm not a dumbass. I know that as soon as he Unmarried me on Facebook that he added an ER nurse from my former department, that I don't know, as a friend. I told him I wasn't ready to date, all I needed was a distraction.

I just want to not care and not feel anymore. And I want to be alone. And instead my parents are here. So I'm holed up in the bathroom so I can cry and log onto TTA.

If there were a god, he's a fucking sadist and he hates me. If I were a theist I would certainly think it. Logically, I understand the odds of me getting into my car and having my radio on a country station playing a heartfelt song are pretty damn high, doesn't mean it doesn't fucking hurt like hell.




"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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23-02-2015, 08:14 PM (This post was last modified: 23-02-2015 08:26 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Closure
(23-02-2015 08:06 PM)Nurse Wrote:  We met with the attorney. It's an uncontested divorce, but in the Almighty State of Alabama an attorney can legally only represent one person. Meaning my husband. So I am to waive my legal rights to an attorney.

This makes no sense to me even in the assbackwoods of Bama. Is this some hillbilly requirement for an uncontested divorce? If so you might want to consider contesting it. If it were me I'd call my old lawyer beau for advice at this point. I sure as shit would never waive my rights to legal counsel and representation.

#sigh
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23-02-2015, 08:30 PM
RE: Closure
Girly, that's how it was in my divorce. I got an attorney first, and my husband could either waive his rights to an attorney and mine would just handle everything, or he could get his own attorney. He decided to get his own.

Anyway, I wish I knew what to say, Nurse. Having gone through my own divorce very recently, I feel for you so much. Hug For me, I had long since fallen out of love with my husband and had thoroughly grieved the loss of the marriage by the time I moved back home with my parents and began the divorce process. BUT I did still trust him as the father of my kids and well, he made a lot of stupid and shitty moves in regards to the kids during the divorce process and that hurt. I wanted to think that even though he'd been a shit husband that maybe he'd pull off being a good dad and that just didn't happen. So I guess I am just trying to say that I feel you, and am thinking of you.

This whole divorce thing was the hardest thing I've ever been through. Never been so stressed in my life. I was physically sick during the phase where he and I were working out the custody agreement. I imagine you are feeling much the same and that really sucks. Hang in there. Hug

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23-02-2015, 09:00 PM
RE: Closure
It hurts and it sucks...been there, done that...hated it. Get the angry music fired up...anger can be a great motivator...




See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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