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04-01-2015, 06:00 PM
RE: Closure




I don't know which hurt is worse. Realizing that there is no Jesus to turn to for comfort, or that I have no husband to turn to for comfort. Its not fair that I have to lose everything (I may flip my shit if someone says "life's not fair). It fucking sucks.

It's always been customary for us to end a phone call with "I love you." For eleven years.
I know it's silly, but it's a really painful realization that he hasn't loved me for a while. I know it's hypocritical, but goddamn if it doesn't sting.

And now I have to pull myself back together for another shift. If we weren't so short staffed I'd take a personal day. I just want to stay in bed and succumb to the hurt for a while. I keep thinking I'm ok, that Im going to be ok, and then the pain washes back over me. This is not what I envisioned for my life - this unhappy, lonely person. I've never been fond of solitude.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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04-01-2015, 06:06 PM
RE: Closure
You are going through the grieving process and it takes a while. I would love to say that it's easy, but I know better.

Allow yourself some time and accept the emotions as they come. It's the only way to make it through shit like this.

- If you are going through hell, keep going.

I think that's a Churchill quote. It helped me with the death of my first husband and through the whole breast cancer mess.

Much love and many hugs.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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04-01-2015, 06:08 PM
RE: Closure
(04-01-2015 06:00 PM)Nurse Wrote:  



I don't know which hurt is worse. Realizing that there is no Jesus to turn to for comfort, or that I have no husband to turn to for comfort. Its not fair that I have to lose everything (I may flip my shit if someone says "life's not fair). It fucking sucks.

It's always been customary for us to end a phone call with "I love you." For eleven years.
I know it's silly, but it's a really painful realization that he hasn't loved me for a while. I know it's hypocritical, but goddamn if it doesn't sting.

And now I have to pull myself back together for another shift. If we weren't so short staffed I'd take a personal day. I just want to stay in bed and succumb to the hurt for a while. I keep thinking I'm ok, that Im going to be ok, and then the pain washes back over me. This is not what I envisioned for my life - this unhappy, lonely person. I've never been fond of solitude.

Stay the course, you will get through this.

"I don't mind being wrong...it's a time I get to learn something new..."
Me.
N.B: I routinely make edits to posts to correct grammar or spelling, or to restate a point more clearly. I only notify edits if they materially change meaning.
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04-01-2015, 06:08 PM
RE: Closure
(04-01-2015 06:00 PM)Nurse Wrote:  



I don't know which hurt is worse. Realizing that there is no Jesus to turn to for comfort, or that I have no husband to turn to for comfort. Its not fair that I have to lose everything (I may flip my shit if someone says "life's not fair). It fucking sucks.

It's always been customary for us to end a phone call with "I love you." For eleven years.
I know it's silly, but it's a really painful realization that he hasn't loved me for a while. I know it's hypocritical, but goddamn if it doesn't sting.

And now I have to pull myself back together for another shift. If we weren't so short staffed I'd take a personal day. I just want to stay in bed and succumb to the hurt for a while. I keep thinking I'm ok, that Im going to be ok, and then the pain washes back over me. This is not what I envisioned for my life - this unhappy, lonely person. I've never been fond of solitude.

This ISN'T the rest of your life though. I promise. It slowly gets better. Sometimes the slow is as painful as anything, but then there's times when you can feel yourself getting a little bit better.

I wish I had my woods to take a walk for you. Guess I'll just have to hurt with you instead.

So many cats, so few good recipes.
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04-01-2015, 06:09 PM
RE: Closure
Hug

Sad
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04-01-2015, 06:12 PM
RE: Closure
I can't believe I still have this after 30 years. It's a little saying cut from the newspaper and protected with tape. I no longer know who said it, if I ever knew in the first place. But I carried this in my wallet after my first husband died and looked at it often. It was in my jewelry box - for some reason I remembered it now.

- No one ever collapsed under the burdens of a single day. It is when the burdens of tomorrow are added to it that it becomes unbearable. Live one day at a time - it's all we have that is a certainty anyway.

Heart

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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04-01-2015, 06:19 PM
RE: Closure
(04-01-2015 06:00 PM)Nurse Wrote:  This is not what I envisioned for my life - this unhappy, lonely person. I've never been fond of solitude.

Yes, solitude sucks. But you're not alone. It's full of people that support you in here. So keep yo' head up, stay strong.

孤独 - The Out Crowd
Life is a flash of light between two eternities of darkness.
[Image: Schermata%202014-10-24%20alle%2012.39.01.png]
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04-01-2015, 06:28 PM
RE: Closure
I have found in my darkest times that I was happy to have some physical work to do. It provided a relief for stress in my muscles to release the pent up emotion, it provided a distraction for my brain so I could leave my worries behind, even if just for a few moments. Those times are also my most creative- break out some crayons or markers and paper and just start scribbling....something will eventually come out of it.


many hugs....you arent alone, you have many friends with a shoulder for leaning on.


its ok to fall off the horse (or get thrown off) and stand there and yell and curse and scream at it for awhile before dusting yourself off to get back on.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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05-01-2015, 01:57 AM
RE: Closure
(04-01-2015 06:19 PM)The Polyglot Atheist Wrote:  
(04-01-2015 06:00 PM)Nurse Wrote:  This is not what I envisioned for my life - this unhappy, lonely person. I've never been fond of solitude.

Yes, solitude sucks. But you're not alone. It's full of people that support you in here. So keep yo' head up, stay strong.

Wait a minute! Solitude can be a wonderful thing and maybe that's what the gremlins on Antero Mountain are trying to teach Nurse in this mess. Big Grin

Nurse, you've had lots of crap rain on you in the last year or so and you know for sure this old man is in your corner. I suggest that you write off 2014 as "The Year of Darkness" and charge into 2015 with the attitude that, as painful as it is, you will learn, heal, and grow from this experience. I think you are only 30 years old [although I know you feel 130 right now] but you will come out of this trauma much stronger and happier. Whatever you do, do not get down on yourself. Don't do the, "Oh I've fucked up my life and a bunch of other people's lives too" bullshit. You haven't done that and you sure as hell don't deserve to start thinking that way. When those thoughts come into your mind, chase them out. I'm serious and you can do that.
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05-01-2015, 02:32 AM
RE: Closure
I'm very sorry to hear what you're going through. I wish you all the best, and hope that it hurts just a little bit less each day.

I have a website here which discusses the issues and terminology surrounding religion and atheism. It's hopefully user friendly to all.
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