Closure
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05-01-2015, 03:22 AM
RE: Closure
(04-01-2015 06:00 PM)Nurse Wrote:  [...]I just want to stay in bed and succumb to the hurt for a while. I keep thinking I'm ok, that Im going to be ok, and then the pain washes back over me. This is not what I envisioned for my life - this unhappy, lonely person. I've never been fond of solitude.

Now, I don't know anything about divorce (except for being the child in the situation), but let's get one thing straight: you are not alone. Even when you feel the most helpless, in the darkest night; you are never alone. You are not the first, nor the last person to go through this and there are many people here that would gladly talk with/listen to you. It's important to realize that no matter how alone you feel, it's just your mind and we're all here for you Hug

Atir aissom atir imon
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05-01-2015, 11:27 AM
RE: Closure
(02-01-2015 05:36 PM)Nurse Wrote:  Hug thanks for the kind words. All of you, thank you for the kind words.

In healthcare, you're forced to deal with tough situations, pick up and move on, whether you're ready to or not. I help facilitate tough conversations with patients and their families on a regular basis. It's a whole lot harder when the tough comversation is about your *own* life, your own future. I feel sooo.... raw. It really fucking hurts and I'm not capable of compartmentalizing this. I know it's the right thing to do, that we don't love each other, that there's more to be had in a relationship, more to be had out of life. It's just tough, ya know? I have never been single in my adult life. We were 18 when we met. I never dreamed he wouldn't be my partner at age 40, 50, 80... How do two people who make a life together grow so far apart? Were we never that alike to begin with?

I was looking through my Facebook pics and posts... 10 years worth of memories there.. We've been together 11, married for 8. If I were to untag the pics of us, the posts about daily events with him... There'd be very little left. What's left of me after this? I don't know how to keep that and move on. There were some very happy memories.. and it hurts so fucking much to look at that happy couple.. with such a promising future..That went to shit.

I took off my wedding rings and put them in the drawer. My hand feels naked. He hasn't worn his since August - mostly because it was too big, but he never went and got a spacer. I think I'm going to sell them when it's finalized. Maybe go on vacation.

So sorry Nurse. My sister is also going through the same thing at the moment. My soon-to-be ex-brother-in-law (an ICU nurse) has been a part of our family for 18 years and their kids are slightly older than mine. She came to visit with us this last weekend and we were talking about their rings, pictures, etc. I feel for you and we are here whenever you need a shoulder to cry on or a bag to punch. Hug

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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05-01-2015, 11:32 AM
RE: Closure
Two things....

1. You are not alone.

2. Even through all the pain my divorce was the best thing I ever did for myself. I found myself during it and I didn't even know I was missing.

Keep your chin up, eyes open and take each new day as a way to discover something new about yourself.
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05-01-2015, 12:25 PM
RE: Closure
Hugs for you, Nurse. Hug

I left my husband of over 10 years right before Christmastime of 2013. I had lost my belief in God a couple years or so before that and struggled with whether or not to get a divorce for about 2 years. I know that the folks here helped me tremendously during that struggle. We are all here for you. Hug

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05-01-2015, 01:44 PM (This post was last modified: 05-01-2015 01:47 PM by Tartarus Sauce.)
RE: Closure
That just fucking sucks. It really does, I don't know how else to put it. Now I've never been in your particular situation since I've never been married, never been divorced, hell never even been in a relationship that's lasted more than a year (got close with the last one though). But I have been in the lonely position of solitude, we all have. And everybody knows what's it's like to suffer through loss with nobody beside them to help them through it but themselves. That's the worst part of it, it's just you, there is no solace in solitude, at least not when you don't want to be there (some people prefer it, I think they are insane). We're social animals, we need to be shown genuine compassion and warmth from others from time to time, we go insane if it's removed from our lives for too long, especially in times of need. Anything else, all you need is a shoulder to cry on and all of the sudden things ain't as bad anymore. Not in solitude though, that's not there anymore.

But just because you don't have somebody by your side doesn't mean people aren't here for you. Because we are, we're here for you. You can push through this girl, I know you can, it's just gonna be rough, but you're not the only one who's gone through it. We all have in some form or another, we've all been through loss of love and the pain of solitude.

Hug

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05-01-2015, 02:36 PM
RE: Closure
[Image: Gigan_hugs_megalon_by_drbuffalo-d6rucwe.jpg]

[Image: Guilmon-41189.gif] https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOW_Ioi2wtuPa88FvBmnBgQ my youtube
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05-01-2015, 05:43 PM (This post was last modified: 05-01-2015 07:15 PM by gofish!.)
RE: Closure
A nice song for you...



"I don't mind being wrong...it's a time I get to learn something new..."
Me.
N.B: I routinely make edits to posts to correct grammar or spelling, or to restate a point more clearly. I only notify edits if they materially change meaning.
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05-01-2015, 08:02 PM
RE: Closure
(04-01-2015 06:06 PM)Anjele Wrote:  You are going through the grieving process and it takes a while. I would love to say that it's easy, but I know better.

Allow yourself some time and accept the emotions as they come. It's the only way to make it through shit like this.

- If you are going through hell, keep going.

I think that's a Churchill quote. It helped me with the death of my first husband and through the whole breast cancer mess.

Much love and many hugs.

Normally I ain't a country fan but found this while googling Anjie's Churchill quote and I liked it and thought you might too.



#sigh
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05-01-2015, 08:25 PM
RE: Closure
You are not alone....you are at the center of this group hug. remember that.

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"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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11-01-2015, 08:40 AM
RE: Closure
So he barely talks to me, keeps me just beyond arms reach for months, has me a complete fucking mess, and then last night around 2, when everything is quiet at work and I'm already struggling with the thoughts in my head and trying to keep a grip, he sends me this..this...shit. He apologized for being cold and causing me pain and that I deserve better, that he was protecting himself. Are you kidding me? Are you fucking serious? For months, I have been craving any sign that he gives a flying fuck about me other than being his son's mother. Not now, he doesn't get to show me he cares now, not when I'm falling apart. I actually told him that. God, I want to hate him so badly. It's fucking with my head. I have never felt this kind of visceral pain before. How did no one else feel that crack in the earth? There's less oxygen to breathe.

I keep trying to stay positive, drive to work, keep a smile on my face, and I just can't fucking keep it up. I don't have the luxury of having a mini breakdown in the restroom, my patients don't have the luxury of me being scattered. I don't know how to fix this pain. I just want to fast forward and get this hell over with. How long am I going to hurt like this? As soon as I start to think I've got a handle on things, I fall apart worse. My physical symptoms would earn an EKG, it actually fucking hurts.

All it would take is "I'm still in love with you. Let's make this work." That's it. I tell him I'm falling apart, and he tells me I'll be better when our lives are finally separate.

Last night on the way to work, Sara Evans "A Little Bit Stronger" was playing. I don't think I'm getting stronger yet, I'm a goddamn mess. I need to pick up some waterproof mascara..

And then I've got mom trying to tell me we can work it out, and about friends of hers that have gotten divorced and then back together. Yeh, well, he'd have to actually be in love with me for that to happen. Not helping, Mom, not one bit.

Me not loving him, just lying to myself. My optimism for getting out of this mostly unscathed and cold and indifferent has been shot to shit.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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