Closure
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19-01-2015, 08:51 AM
RE: Closure
Just a little bit closer to this being over. He texted me this morning and let me know he signed a lease with an apartment complex. He's going to start moving his stuff out on Saturday. He ordered a bed and will be moving out when it is delivered sometime next week. I'm setting up a new bank account as soon as I get back to town. Then really, all we'll have left is separating the car insurance, health insurance, and signing the papers. I'm not ready for this.








"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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19-01-2015, 09:38 AM
RE: Closure
Ya know what, a whole lot this:





Fuck him for pushing me to this. For pushing me away. For giving up. Finally finding the anger. It's about damn time.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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19-01-2015, 11:34 AM
RE: Closure
(19-01-2015 09:38 AM)Nurse Wrote:  Fuck him for pushing me to this. For pushing me away. For giving up. Finally finding the anger. It's about damn time.
Thumbsup and Hug

Being angry is good. Channel that anger into positive pursuits and personal growth.

Sometimes people fight being angry about things. As far as I am concerned it is a normal healthy part of dealing with things. I spent years blaming myself for everything that went wrong in my marriage, one day it was like a switch went off and the anger that I had built up came out (I am just glad I had some close friends to lean on). After all of the realizations of all that happened that wasn't my fault subsided I felt much better and found it much easier to move forward with my life.
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20-01-2015, 10:35 AM
RE: Closure
Well, this newfound anger may serve me well. Just opened a separate account. And found out that I'm NOT listed on our son's college savings account that was opened last week. Oh hellll no. WTF?! Censored

If he refuses to add me, since apparently I can't add myself, I'm getting an attorney. And I have one in mind, an old flame that understood my body better after a few months than my soon to be ex has after 11 years. He actually had the professional drive to go to law school.

I'm about done playing nice. The bitch claws are coming out.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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20-01-2015, 10:55 AM
RE: Closure
(20-01-2015 10:35 AM)Nurse Wrote:  Well, this newfound anger may serve me well. Just opened a separate account. And found out that I'm NOT listed on our son's college savings account that was opened last week. Oh hellll no. WTF?! Censored

If he refuses to add me, since apparently I can't add myself, I'm getting an attorney. And I have one in mind, an old flame that understood my body better after a few months than my soon to be ex has after 11 years. He actually had the professional drive to go to law school.

I'm about done playing nice. The bitch claws are coming out.

I tried being the nice guy when my first marriage ended.

While you don't have to be a jerk about things you do need to get a good attorney to protect your rights. I got screwed , please don't let that happen to you.

" Generally speaking, the errors in religion are dangerous; those in philosophy only ridiculous."
David Hume
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20-01-2015, 11:06 AM (This post was last modified: 20-01-2015 11:11 AM by Nurse.)
RE: Closure
Venting now so I'm not a jerk when he comes home from work. He backed down from adding me after a few texts.

I'm going to treat myself to some Mexican food. And then a run when it settles. And then clean the house and cook and pick up our son from school. I may make Coq au vin tonight, in honor of him being a dick.

Still pissed. I like this emotion a hell of a lot better than being too depressed to eat.


Edit: fixed removing/adding. My mind was thinking about removing myself from joint checking.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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20-01-2015, 12:18 PM
RE: Closure
Just be sure to follow up, you have entered the stage where people say one thing and do the complete opposite.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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20-01-2015, 03:30 PM
RE: Closure
(19-01-2015 08:51 AM)Nurse Wrote:  Just a little bit closer to this being over. He texted me this morning and let me know he signed a lease with an apartment complex. He's going to start moving his stuff out on Saturday. He ordered a bed and will be moving out when it is delivered sometime next week. I'm setting up a new bank account as soon as I get back to town. Then really, all we'll have left is separating the car insurance, health insurance, and signing the papers. I'm not ready for this.

We're none of us ever ready for the big changes. But we survive and endure. And we get stronger again by the day.

"I don't mind being wrong...it's a time I get to learn something new..."
Me.
N.B: I routinely make edits to posts to correct grammar or spelling, or to restate a point more clearly. I only notify edits if they materially change meaning.
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20-01-2015, 03:56 PM (This post was last modified: 20-01-2015 04:05 PM by goodwithoutgod.)
RE: Closure
(01-01-2015 06:44 PM)Nurse Wrote:  Well Vosur, I'm getting divorced.

Zeke, Been talking about alcohol because well fuck, I'm getting divorced. I actually drink a lot less now than I did back in the summer. (When we went out after the wedding Sunday night, I was drunk after two beers - I hadn't eaten cause, I knew I was going to be asking for divorce and had to sit through a goddamn wedding on one hour of sleep).

Third time I've drank this month. Wouldn't call that a problem. And I can't run and drink - and I'd much prefer to run.

But tonight, I'm getting drunk. Because... I'm getting divorced. It's January 1st. Think this qualifies as an ok time to imbibe a little. Tomorrow will be back to sober.

Nurse,

Sorry to hear that. Having done this three times already, I can say it gets easier each time (i kid i kid). All kidding aside, my lessons learned and personal perspective that helped the process for me...

1) Don't do it angry. It is what it is, and you are two adults who for whatever reason have decided to part ways. it doesn't matter at this point who did what, who said what, who didn't listen etc etc....focus on the fact that neither of you wins doing it angry. Sit down like two intelligent adults, and figure out the details. I never focused on material things, to me it doesn't matter, I can replace material things, it is escaping with my pysche intact that matters more. The focus should switch to your new company that you are in joint ownership with your soon to be ex...Kid Inc. Ensuring your child is going to survive this intact is the focus, and the big part of that is not arguing in front of the kid, or talking bad about the other later in front of him/her...just love your child. That is all the kid wants, love.

2) Plan appropriately, this means joint accounts, credit cards etc, lot of stuff to do to remove one from the other.

3) Realize that sometimes it just doesn't work. This wasn't you or him failing on your "soul mate"..it just means you gave it a go, had some good times, some bad times, and then the bad times outweighed the good times....and life is too short to be miserable...you both deserve to be happy, it just happens that doesn't mean with each other. Placing blame at this point is meaningless.

4) realize in your life, this moment is just a tiny blip, life WILL go on, you think right now you will never feel happy again, or loved, or respected, and have zero desire to even look towards life with another at this point, and that is the point, you focus on you, you are a beautiful person, with a whole lot of road ahead of you, embrace it, embrace yourself, love yourself enough to realize that life is amazing, and now you have the chance to chase after it, and make it yours, on your terms. Be happy, be healthy, and life will sort itself out. You will find by focusing on your happiness and health, others who are happy and healthy will be drawn to you, and you will be grateful that you and your soon to be ex, had the foresight to say, this isn't working, lets part ways, and do it peacefully, before you had more kids, more time lost together, a mortgage, investments, etc.....you only live once, life is too short to be miserable.

Disclaimer: I am on my 4th marriage, so who am I to offer advice.

Marriage 1, young, dumb and full of....stupid, met a girl, married her 4 weeks later...dumb dumb dumb...seven years and two kids later we grew up, and grew apart...what I jokingly call my learner marriage.

marriage 2, rebound marriage, wasn't even out in the wild a couple months when I got snatched up by a ball of blond fury...exciting, sexual, crazy love...then we had three children, the last two died from infantile tay-sachs, she got clinically depressed, and committed suicide leaving me with the surviving child and a mountain of debt.

marriage 3, the sensible marriage, match.com said we were perfect, all the boxes were checked, that set us up for for high expectations, we were "a perfect match afterall"..and we gave it a go....6 months later zero chemistry, then the bitterness of her true personality showed its colors daily...an ulcer and consistent migraines for me after 7 years, led me to finally get the strength to call it quits, gave her everything, and pay her $30k a year in child support, worked hard at our divorce and post relationship, she is now remarried, and we have a great working relationship, and the kids are happy, loved and well provided for...win win...

marriage 4, met an amazing, gorgeous, intelligent 15 year younger than me amazing woman, who made me feel 16 years old again. I dont know what she sees in this ol man, but damn we are happy...been together 5 years, married 4, love her more each day, we are like two giddy teens on their first love to this day...

The point isnt about me, the point is even my dumbass found happiness eventually, I am sure your road will be much shorter, because you are amazing...know it, embrace it, exude it.

*huggz*

"Belief is so often the death of reason" - Qyburn, Game of Thrones

"The Christian community continues to exist because the conclusions of the critical study of the Bible are largely withheld from them." -Hans Conzelmann (1915-1989)
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20-01-2015, 04:02 PM
RE: Closure
(20-01-2015 03:56 PM)goodwithoutgod Wrote:  
(01-01-2015 06:44 PM)Nurse Wrote:  Well Vosur, I'm getting divorced.

Zeke, Been talking about alcohol because well fuck, I'm getting divorced. I actually drink a lot less now than I did back in the summer. (When we went out after the wedding Sunday night, I was drunk after two beers - I hadn't eaten cause, I knew I was going to be asking for divorce and had to sit through a goddamn wedding on one hour of sleep).

Third time I've drank this month. Wouldn't call that a problem. And I can't run and drink - and I'd much prefer to run.

But tonight, I'm getting drunk. Because... I'm getting divorced. It's January 1st. Think this qualifies as an ok time to imbibe a little. Tomorrow will be back to sober.

Nurse,

Sorry to hear that. Having done this three times already, I can say it gets easier each time (i kid i kid). All kidding aside, my lessons learned and personal perspective that helped the process for me...

1) Don't do it angry. It is what it is, and you are two adults who for whatever reason have decided to part ways. it doesn't matter at this point who did what, who said what, who didn't listen etc etc....focus on the fact that neither of you wins doing it angry. Sit down like two intelligent adults, and figure out the details. I never focused on material things, to me it doesn't matter, I can replace material things, it is escaping with my pysche intact that matters more. The focus should switch to your new company that you are in joint ownership with your soon to be ex...Kid Inc. Ensuring your child is going to survive this intact is the focus, and the big part of that is not arguing in front of the kid, or talking bad about the other later in front of him/her...just love your child. That is all the kid wants, love.

2) Plan appropriately, this means joint accounts, credit cards etc, lot of stuff to do to remove one from the other.

3) Realize that sometimes it just doesn't work. This wasn't you or him failing on your "soul mate"..it just means you gave it a go, had some good times, some bad times, and then the bad times outweighed the good times....and life is too short to be miserable...you both deserve to be happy, it just happens that doesn't mean with each other. Placing blame at this point is meaningless.

4) realize in your life, this moment is just a tiny blip, life WILL go on, you think right now you will never feel happy again, or loved, or respected, and have zero desire to even look towards life with another at this point, and that is the point, you focus on you, you are a beautiful person, with a whole lot of road ahead of you, embrace it, embrace yourself, love yourself enough to realize that life is amazing, and now you have the chance to chase after it, and make it yours, on your terms. Be happy, be healthy, and life will sort itself out. You will find by focusing on your happiness and health, others who are happy and healthy will be drawn to you, and you will be grateful that you are your soon to be ex, had the foresight to say, this isn't working, lets part ways, and do it peacefully.....you only live once, life is too short to be miserable.

Disclaimer: I am on my 4th marriage, so who am I to offer advice.

Marriage 1, young, dumb and full of....stupid, met a girl, married her 4 weeks later...dumb dumb dumb...seven years and two kids later we grew up, and grew apart...what I jokingly call my learner marriage.

marriage 2, rebound marriage, wasn't even out in the wild a couple months when I got snatched up by a ball of blond fury...exciting, sexual, crazy love...then we had three children, the last two died from infantile tay-sachs, she got clinically depressed, and committed suicide leaving me with the surviving child and a mountain of debt.

marriage 3, the sensible marriage, match.com said we were perfect, all the boxes were checked, that set up for for high expectations, and we gave it a go....6 months later zero chemistry, then the bitterness of her true personality showed its colors daily...an ulcer and consistent migraines for me after 7 years, led me to finally get the strength to call it quits, gave her everything, and pay her $30k a year in child support, worked hard at our divorce and post relationship, she is now remarried, and we have a great working relationship, and the kids are happy, loved and well provided for...win win...

marriage 4, met an amazing, gorgeous, intelligent 15 year younger than me amazing woman, who made me feel 16 years old again. I dont know what she sees in this ol man, but damn we are happy...been together 5 years, married 4, love her more each day, we are like two giddy teens on their first love to this day...

The point isnt about me, the point is even my dumbass found happiness eventually, I am sure your road will be much shorter, because you are amazing...know it, embrace it, exude it.

*huggz*

^^^ That right there.

"I don't mind being wrong...it's a time I get to learn something new..."
Me.
N.B: I routinely make edits to posts to correct grammar or spelling, or to restate a point more clearly. I only notify edits if they materially change meaning.
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