Coming out
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21-04-2012, 10:43 AM
RE: Coming out
(21-04-2012 02:55 AM)Egor Wrote:  You're 26. You don't have to tell your family at all. You could just go and live your life any way you want to.
Yeah, I do have the luxury of being a grown man capable of living my life exactly how I want. I've "fallen away" from the religion they're in many many years ago. But I am also a bit tired of having to lie a bit in order to keep civility...as said earlier, sometimes when people hear that somebody else doesn't think like them, they automatically perceive it as a threat...but I want them to know. I'm tired of the lie....but I'm also scared I'll become their "project"

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21-04-2012, 10:58 AM
RE: Coming out
I tell my 80 year old mother waiting on her Jesus every day that she is waiting on a myth. She gets upset but knows I am the only one of her sons who will help her. The other so called Christians wont give her one minute of their time. I show her real love and respect without God. She has learned to except me and has started to see the truth. If a 80 year old Christian Holly roller can come to reality. their may be hope for your family. I for one am proud to be a atheist. I don't care who don't like it. The Christians try to force their beliefs on me so I push back even harder.

History, I believe, furnishes no example of a priest-ridden people maintaining a
free civil government. This marks the lowest grade of ignorance, of which their
political as well as religious leaders will always avail themselves for their
own purpose. ~ Thomas Jefferson
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21-04-2012, 11:10 AM
RE: Coming out
(21-04-2012 10:43 AM)publius2k4 Wrote:  Yeah, I do have the luxury of being a grown man capable of living my life exactly how I want. I've "fallen away" from the religion they're in many many years ago. But I am also a bit tired of having to lie a bit in order to keep civility...as said earlier, sometimes when people hear that somebody else doesn't think like them, they automatically perceive it as a threat...but I want them to know. I'm tired of the lie....but I'm also scared I'll become their "project"
My suggestion is this: tell those that you feel need to know. That means close friends and family. Explain to them that its hard for you because you're scared this may come between you but you are tired of pretending, it feels dishonest. For more distant family just tell them as the need arises - for example if you're staying with a cousin and they invite you to church just explain that you're not comfortable with that and you don't believe in God. Don't make a big announcement, and don't get drawn into debate immediately. For people you're really close to they might react negatively - cut them some slack, let them get used to the idea. Tell them that you're willing to talk to them about it but not right away - you've got plenty of time to explain, it's not like it's urgent that they understand right now exactly *why* you don't believe, but it's necessary for them to *know* that you do not.

You might have to tolerate a certain amount of people telling you that they'll pray for you and you'll come round and similar bullshit. That's the price of the softly softly approach - the reward is that you get to keep those friendships and religion doesn't hopefully come between you, assuming that the people in question learn to similarly respect your right to your own opinion.
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21-04-2012, 11:54 AM
RE: Coming out
My suggestion is to just keep being yourself. Don't go out of your way to make atheism the topic of conversation, but at the same time, don't shy away from it if believers make it a point of attention.

If you're a good person and live a good life, you might be surprised at what that fantastic example will do for some of the believers in your life over time.

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21-04-2012, 12:52 PM
RE: Coming out
I'm in the same boat, just must younger than you at 16. I've been an atheist for a while, and I prefer to be completely honest if possible, but my family would think I'm just a stupid child, even though I've been called things like "genius, child prodigy, extraordinarily intelligent, etc." by the same people. But from their point of view, I'm sure it would be something along the lines of "After all, what does some child know about religion that we don't?" I don't really care about praise or insults for the most part, but of all the people I know, my parents are probably the two people I really care about. But I live in rural Nebraska, so most people here don't even realize atheism is a thing...

But to me, the best idea is to get some experience under your belt. For instance, I'm going into theoretical physics. I have yet to meet someone in this town who doesn't watch "The Big Bang Theory" who even knows what that means. So essentially, they think I'm going to be the next Einstein or something. I don't believe I'll get that far, but if I was to say, have a Bachelors, or even Master's, Degree in Physics when I told them, maybe they'd take me more seriously. I doubt I'll wait that long, though. I do love my parents, despite having a different opinion, so I hope I can tell them the truth sooner.
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21-04-2012, 01:00 PM
RE: Coming out
(21-04-2012 10:58 AM)N.E.OhioAtheist Wrote:  I tell my 80 year old mother waiting on her Jesus every day that she is waiting on a myth. She gets upset but knows I am the only one of her sons who will help her. The other so called Christians wont give her one minute of their time. I show her real love and respect without God. She has learned to except me and has started to see the truth. If a 80 year old Christian Holly roller can come to reality. their may be hope for your family. I for one am proud to be a atheist. I don't care who don't like it. The Christians try to force their beliefs on me so I push back even harder.
You are da man.
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21-04-2012, 07:58 PM (This post was last modified: 21-04-2012 08:13 PM by Thomas.)
RE: Coming out
First tell them that you're gay (assuming that you are not).
That will knock them for a loop, but not as bad as telling them that you're an atheist.

When they've recovered from the shock (30 minutes of so) tell them that you're not really gay and what you actually wanted to tell them is that you've converted to Islam.

Give it another 30 minutes and recant the Islam thing and tell them that you are an atheist.

You have to step them down in stages. Going straight to atheist can be too much for many christian parents. Tongue


(21-04-2012 12:52 PM)bub166 Wrote:  I'm in the same boat, just must younger than you at 16. I've been an atheist for a while, and I prefer to be completely honest if possible, but my family would think I'm just a stupid child, even though I've been called things like "genius, child prodigy, extraordinarily intelligent, etc." by the same people. But from their point of view, I'm sure it would be something along the lines of "After all, what does some child know about religion that we don't?" I don't really care about praise or insults for the most part, but of all the people I know, my parents are probably the two people I really care about. But I live in rural Nebraska, so most people here don't even realize atheism is a thing...

But to me, the best idea is to get some experience under your belt. For instance, I'm going into theoretical physics. I have yet to meet someone in this town who doesn't watch "The Big Bang Theory" who even knows what that means. So essentially, they think I'm going to be the next Einstein or something. I don't believe I'll get that far, but if I was to say, have a Bachelors, or even Master's, Degree in Physics when I told them, maybe they'd take me more seriously. I doubt I'll wait that long, though. I do love my parents, despite having a different opinion, so I hope I can tell them the truth sooner.

Speaking from experience, no matter how educated you become do not expect your parents to ever see you as an adult or knowing anything more than them on any subject. I have advanced degrees and teach for a living and mine still treat me like a 12 year old. I'm over 50. It was annoying for a while, now I just think it's charming.

The old gods are dead, let's invent some new ones before something really bad happens.
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21-04-2012, 08:39 PM
RE: Coming out
(21-04-2012 02:55 AM)Egor Wrote:  You're 26. You don't have to tell your family at all. You could just go and live your life any way you want to.
Well this is a pleasant surprise coming from you Egor! I got the distinct impression you thought all atheists were going to burn in hell. How come you changed your mind? You're not becoming....tolerant....are you?
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21-04-2012, 09:48 PM (This post was last modified: 21-04-2012 09:54 PM by publius2k4.)
RE: Coming out
(21-04-2012 07:58 PM)Thomas Wrote:  First tell them that you're gay (assuming that you are not).
That will knock them for a loop, but not as bad as telling them that you're an atheist.

When they've recovered from the shock (30 minutes of so) tell them that you're not really gay and what you actually wanted to tell them is that you've converted to Islam.

Give it another 30 minutes and recant the Islam thing and tell them that you are an atheist.

You have to step them down in stages. Going straight to atheist can be too much for many christian parents. Tongue


(21-04-2012 12:52 PM)bub166 Wrote:  I'm in the same boat, just must younger than you at 16. I've been an atheist for a while, and I prefer to be completely honest if possible, but my family would think I'm just a stupid child, even though I've been called things like "genius, child prodigy, extraordinarily intelligent, etc." by the same people. But from their point of view, I'm sure it would be something along the lines of "After all, what does some child know about religion that we don't?" I don't really care about praise or insults for the most part, but of all the people I know, my parents are probably the two people I really care about. But I live in rural Nebraska, so most people here don't even realize atheism is a thing...

But to me, the best idea is to get some experience under your belt. For instance, I'm going into theoretical physics. I have yet to meet someone in this town who doesn't watch "The Big Bang Theory" who even knows what that means. So essentially, they think I'm going to be the next Einstein or something. I don't believe I'll get that far, but if I was to say, have a Bachelors, or even Master's, Degree in Physics when I told them, maybe they'd take me more seriously. I doubt I'll wait that long, though. I do love my parents, despite having a different opinion, so I hope I can tell them the truth sooner.

Speaking from experience, no matter how educated you become do not expect your parents to ever see you as an adult or knowing anything more than them on any subject. I have advanced degrees and teach for a living and mine still treat me like a 12 year old. I'm over 50. It was annoying for a while, now I just think it's charming.
Lmao! Bowing





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22-04-2012, 09:59 AM
RE: Coming out
i told my family all individually, when the time was right, i knew. My mother and little sister cried, my dad yelled at me for making them cry, and my other sisters laughed and pretty much think it a phase. But I didnt HAVE to come out, but if youre anything like me... i NEEDED too. My family is still my family no matter what they or I believe. I feel 1000 times better now, and i kinda feel like they understand me (whether for the better, im not sure) more.

"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours"
Richard Dawkins


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