Coming out
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22-04-2012, 06:08 PM
Coming out
I am overwhelmed with the desire to come out as an atheist but my wife teaches in a catholic school system and is a practicing catholic. I worry that she will not be able to handle the position this will put her in. What other fallout may come? Destroy my marriage of 22 years? Keeping this to myself is eating me up. HELP!!!
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22-04-2012, 08:54 PM
RE: Coming out
(22-04-2012 06:08 PM)randydesjardins Wrote:  I am overwhelmed with the desire to come out as an atheist but my wife teaches in a catholic school system and is a practicing catholic. I worry that she will not be able to handle the position this will put her in. What other fallout may come? Destroy my marriage of 22 years? Keeping this to myself is eating me up. HELP!!!
Sounds like keeping it to yourself is destructive, and if your wife is paying attention she is gonna figure out something is wrong. Are you sure this is a marriage ending issue? Is it possible that you are not giving her enough credit when you say she might not be able to handle it? Does her job have to know if she knows?

Your beliefs do not make you a better person, your behavior does.
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23-04-2012, 02:51 AM
RE: Coming out
(22-04-2012 06:08 PM)randydesjardins Wrote:  I am overwhelmed with the desire to come out as an atheist but my wife teaches in a catholic school system and is a practicing catholic. I worry that she will not be able to handle the position this will put her in. What other fallout may come? Destroy my marriage of 22 years? Keeping this to myself is eating me up. HELP!!!
Firstly, if I were you, realise that what the school might do because you are a confessed atheist would be the least of my worries. ( I don't know, but I suspect, it wouldn't be that big an issue)

I would be worried that I was married to someone who might think their religion was more important than being with the one they love. If your wife is that brainwashed and that fickle...she got a problem.

I suggest you start by patching up any holes you may have in your relationship. That takes effort and guts. Then be real and honest with her about your atheism. If she can't cope with who you are...she has a serious problem, not you. At least you can hold your head high and you don't have to go through the motions living a lie.

The bloody catholic church only wants people to marry other catholics so they can fill their pews with more little catholics. Their stick their noses into everyone's personal lives. Don't let the bastards do it. Try not to be dictated to by those assholes.

Hope this helps.
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23-04-2012, 05:22 AM
RE: Coming out
Try listening to loud atheist youtube videos in the lounge room for a few months before you tell her.
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23-04-2012, 06:54 AM
RE: Coming out
Here's a link to my thread with the exact same question.....got a couple of trolls in there but also some pretty decent advice.
http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/forum/...-out--7215

I'm planning the same move soon. I think peer support is the best tool for helping someone have the courage to do it. I think I'll start a new thread with that exact intent in mind!

publius2k4

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23-04-2012, 06:59 AM
RE: Coming out
It may be best to gradually transition into admitted atheism. First you say you're a Deist. After your family gets used to that, then say you've thought about it some more and now you're an agnostic. Then after more time goes by, you can proclaim atheism outright. It's too radical for some people to go straight from theism to atheism.
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23-04-2012, 07:19 AM
RE: Coming out
First of all, they won't do anything to your wife's job.

Secondly I'll just say because you and I are both newer around here and I don't know much about you: make sure it's for real. If you're just "mad at God" or some such right now and decided to become an atheist then I would perhaps hold off awhile.
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23-04-2012, 09:47 AM
RE: Coming out
When I talked to my dad about it for the first time, I didn't use the term atheist. I just said I don't believe in God anymore. The term atheist has such a negative connotation in the church that they immediately think you hate god and worship Satan, when you really just don't believe in any gods.

I would be honest with her, but it might help to avoid labels at first, which can inject negative preconceived notions into the discussion. Maybe let her get used to the idea before calling yourself an "atheist".
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