Coming out - When, why, and how?
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
27-03-2017, 10:03 AM
RE: Coming out - When, why, and how?
Just see how it goes, Atheism (much like any religion) shouldn't define your life or who you are. It's a label that says "this person doesn't believe in anything", but that doesn't mean you have to make it your be all/end all in life.

Re the kids: again my daughter goes to this Sunday school thing, and I don't say anything either way. I ask her what she's "learnt" about, but I don't tell her to go, she want's to go. She has asked me if I believe and I've said "no I do not". She did probe me further, but the honest answer is "people believe what they want, so if you like god/jesus/whatever, then you go for it". It also led onto discussions about other religions and so on, so ended up becoming partially educational for her, despite potentially being confusing.

I came from a half religious family, [my mum and her mum are religious, as is that side of the family], where as my father isn't. I was left to my own devices as a kid, and came to the summary that it's all garbage and it's not for me.

i think the short answer is: don't think about it too much. I always think "I'm a person" rather than "Atheist/Humanist/whatever" because who cares what religion I am or not? The only people I know of are those who let religion basically take over their life.

Having problems with your computer? Visit the Free Tech Support thread for help!
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes OakTree500's post
27-03-2017, 10:11 AM
RE: Coming out - When, why, and how?
I'm envious of how simple it all is for you, and hopefully I can get there someday. It all carries so much weight with the people in my life though, being that they take it so seriously. When my more open-minded sister discussed her opinion with our other sister that she thought all the money big churches gather up and how they use it didn't seem right, it ended up stirring up something and my sister was mad at the open-minded one, so much that even though they patched things up, things aren't the same between them anymore.

It is really stupid I know, but that's how big a deal it is to some people. Im not making this my life, but it is a serious issue I have to get through currently.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
27-03-2017, 10:13 AM
RE: Coming out - When, why, and how?
It isn't simple and it does carry real world consequences.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Full Circle's post
27-03-2017, 10:16 AM
RE: Coming out - When, why, and how?
Fair enough, take it easy and do what you personally think is best.

Having problems with your computer? Visit the Free Tech Support thread for help!
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
27-03-2017, 12:41 PM
RE: Coming out - When, why, and how?
(27-03-2017 09:55 AM)Gerry Wrote:  Many helpful points to consider here, I appreciate it.

With my kids, I wonder how confusing it would be for them to find out that I don't believe it, and yet encouraged them to believe it for however long. I would probably be upset if I found out my parents did that to me.

With my girlfriend, I have thought about the foundation of the relationship, and maybe the relationship isn't worth it if she doesn't love me for me, yet I can understand the trouble she would face, because if you're convinced God doesn't want you to be unequally yoked, then you have to deal with that. It would be a test of the relationship I'm not eager to deal with.

I think I'm less concerned about coming out to my parents, except it would probably be a consequence of talking about it with my kids.

In going over all this again and again, I suppose the most pressing, and probably the only that seems currently necessary to do is having the conversation with my girlfriend.

Have any of you had the conversation with your significant other, and how did you approach it, how did it go? What was the aftermath like?

Yes, it does sound like you need to talk to your gf. Best wishes and good luck. I hope she really thinks hard about things and finds it worth being with you. If you started questioning since you two got together, that might be good information to include. That you didn't intend to lie to her or anything, but that you have to be true to yourself and you can't make yourself believe it.

Don't talk down to her when you tell her. Don't try to argue her out of belief, either, when you tell her. Allow her to decide if she's even willing to think skeptically about her own faith. Chances are that she is not willing- at least not now.

I haven't had to talk to my wife about it- because she was an atheist when we met, while I was a devout Christian. But she never tried to deconvert me.

I did have to tell my parents, eventually. My dad asked me directly. And so I told him directly. From that point on until the beginning of the year we would debate Christianity, but the debates were usually friendly rather than venomous. He he doesn't talk to me now, but that's due to other reasons.

I don't have any children, so I can't tell you anything there- just that children are probably better able to "get" things while they are young. And raising them as Christians will probably only indoctrinate their way of thinking in the long run. Maybe you'll be able to do something about that at some point.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
27-03-2017, 02:25 PM
RE: Coming out - When, why, and how?
Try having a conversation with your girlfriend that doesn't involve you directly but gauges her openness to the idea of atheism, like I used to talk to my wife about something in the news about atheism, or the fact that it seems even "Mother Teresa" had a loss of faith, see how open she is to the idea of someone losing their faith. If it's like " ...people need to try very hard to get right with god" or "people like that should go to church more and pray harder..." (or some such) then you might have a problem.

She may well be like my wife, who said something along the lines " I know some people that have lost their faith...the world can make it very hard to believe there is a god sometimes... " then you know you can at least confide in her that you are losing ( or have lost) faith and work from there.

As for my kids... my wife insisted that our kids go to catholic school to which I agreed as long as there was no scaring them with hell, and I had to agree that I wouldn't imperil their souls by trying to "convert" them to atheism, but if they asked I wouldn't lie.

I think you'll find, as my wife & I did with my kids, that without the use of hell as stick to scare them, and with a decent science education they'll learn pretty quickly how to tell when someone is trying to feed them bullshit.

I never had to tell them Santa wasn't real, nor god, they got there pretty handily on their own.

A friend in the hole

"If we're going to be damned, let's be damned for what we really are." - Captain Picard
2
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
27-03-2017, 04:04 PM
RE: Coming out - When, why, and how?
I hate to hear of the situation you've been put in. I know a lot must be wearing on your mind over this decision.

For me it was pretty much a non issue as I stopped believing when I was 14. Needless to say it broke my mother's heart who is a devout Christian but she (over time) has learned to accept it. You have a lot of moving pieces involved in your decision so I wouldn't dare give you advice on how to handle it. Only you can really decide what is best for you and your family. I wish you luck my friend.

I get to decide what my life looks like, not the other way around.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes RearViewMirror's post
27-03-2017, 04:43 PM
RE: Coming out - When, why, and how?
You know, you don't have to do it all formal.
You can just kinda ease out of it. Be honest when people ask you. Like when your boys ask you why you are not going to church anymore, you can tell them that you don't believe in it anymore. That way there is a conversation.
Same with your girlfriend and everybody else. Just quietly stop doing the religious things and be friendly but honest when people ask about it.

Good luck

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
- Wotsefack?! -
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Leerob's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: