Coming out + give me tips?
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23-08-2016, 06:53 AM
RE: Coming out + give me tips?
I really don't understand the problem -- or see how there can be one.

I've known a couple of transgendered people - and the complaint they had was "I just can't be myself around some people"..

Huh???

Exactly how can you NOT be yourself???

If you're a guy, trying to present yourself as a woman -- that's who you are, isn't it???

A guy, trying to present himself as a woman.

It always seemed to me the core of the issue - is the person isn't comfortable with who they are.

(Sure - there's asshole people who give others a hard time for who they are - - but fuck them -- they're not worth the effort)

It seems the goal should to be happy with who you are - and not try to be something other than what you are.

.....

As voiced by others here -- you seem to be a pretty decent sort - regardless of if your shirt buttons on the right or the left..


Big Grin

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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23-08-2016, 08:18 AM
RE: Coming out + give me tips?
(23-08-2016 01:45 AM)The Dark One Wrote:  Just own it. That's it.

Yep. That's it in a nutshell.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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23-08-2016, 12:00 PM
RE: Coming out + give me tips?
At the beginning and end of each and every day, we all are who we are.

From our genetics to our environmental situations, each of us has inherited influences that have shaped us all into the persons we are today.

Some of us can't change even if we wanted to. Some of us should never even think of changing just because others want us to. Sometimes trying to change to either please yourself or others only results in creating a facade, masking the person you were intended to be.

But you are beautiful exactly the way you are for the simple reason that you are beautiful exactly the way you are. You don't need a scientist to explain it to you. No great philosopher can give you any answers either. All your questions have the answers hidden within the very questions themselves, and you already know what those answers are.

It really doesn't matter what anybody else thinks about you. They are not the ones living your life. They don't have the answers you need to hear because ...

At the beginning and end of each and every day, we all are who we are.
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23-08-2016, 12:24 PM
RE: Coming out + give me tips?
Hi everybody,

First of thank you for all the encouragement and nice words.

Now I would like to make a few call outs and answer questions that I saw:

@ Anjele: Please be my mom Wink

@ The Dark One: Thank you so much for your thoughtful post. I will look up "forced relaxation" sounds like something I could use sometimes. I would like to answer your question in a pm if that is fine by you. But no, I don't feel offended and if I did, it wouldn't be an issue. No one has ever died from feeling offended Wink

@ onlinebiker: The problem is deeper than "well just be yourself". That is why I mentioned how society is a big problem. Yes I want to be myself completely, but also I am an introvert and just want to be left alone. If I am myself fully though, I will likely draw attention and that is something I don't want. Does it make sense?

@ Dom: I am not having anybody call me by a different name. Not here and not in real life. My friends all know by Leela and it will stay that way. And about what I want to wear. I am a jeans and tank top . hoodie person, at work I like to wear informal shirts. Even went to work with a tie once Smile Felt great. I also like hats but I think hats at work are overkill haha

Now for clarification: I am not looking to transition and pass. I just want to be me. Meaning, no top or bottom surgery, no hormones BUT finally a wardrobe I feel comfortable with, talk and walk and act the way I feel, stop the female rituals, start sending unsolicited dickpics to random girls ... uh wait what

Sadly haven't heard from dancefortwo yet, who apparently has insights. I don't know her but I'd be happy to hear her advise.

cheers

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
- Wotsefack?! -
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23-08-2016, 12:28 PM
RE: Coming out + give me tips?
(23-08-2016 12:24 PM)Leela Wrote:  @ Anjele: Please be my mom Wink

We'll just say you already are...my middle name is Lee, after all, it just makes sense. Big Grin

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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23-08-2016, 12:44 PM
RE: Coming out + give me tips?
Quote:@ The Dark One: Thank you so much for your thoughtful post. I will look up "forced relaxation" sounds like something I could use sometimes. I would like to answer your question in a pm if that is fine by you. But no, I don't feel offended and if I did, it wouldn't be an issue. No one has ever died from feeling offended Wink


Sadly haven't heard from dancefortwo yet, who apparently has insights. I don't know her but I'd be happy to hear her advise.

Of course, you're welcome! I'm glad I might have presented something useful and I didn't say anything that was bad form. Wink

PM is fine, and thank you for taking the time!

I really like dancefortwo and am surprised she hasn't shown up...I'll PM her and see what's up.

Yes
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23-08-2016, 07:08 PM (This post was last modified: 23-08-2016 07:21 PM by dancefortwo.)
RE: Coming out + give me tips?
Thanks, The Dark One for the PM. I just got back from seeing the movie, "Florence Foster Jenkins" so I just read the OP.

Anyone who isn't transgender can not know what it's like to have a brain opposite to the body. I'll never know, but I remember watching my daughter suffer something awful. (It brings tears to my eyes thinking about it even now.)

Everything in her life was affected by her efforts to conform to what was expected of her. Her high school grades, her social network and her confidence. Her personal hygiene was greatly affected. She just didn't care about herself or what she looked like. She sort of imploded. She went into a spiral and ended up and in a very deep depression. She was so depressed it turned into psychotic depression which was misdiagnosed as schizophrenia. So this deep pit is where she crawled out from.

Don't go through life living for other people, just to make them happy. You must live honestly because if you don't your brain will resemble a Picasso painting, all mentally disjointed and split in half.

My daughter started out slowly. I kinda helped pick out clothes that were more androgynous for her. She needed to evolve slowly to correct the situation. She didn't want to be seen looking at women's clothing so I did it for her for the first year. A plus for you is that it's harder to go from male to female than female to male. Women wearing pants is common but men wearing skirts is still unusual......unless you're in Scotland. So google androgynous clothing or androgynous looks. Even though the models are super skinny maybe you can adapt the clothing to your work.

If you can afford it, I'd suggest that you go to a psychologist that has experience with transgender people and if you're married it would be very helpful to involve your husband in the process if you can. If he resists, it's still something you should still do on your own just to talk about your problems with an unbiased professional.

If you're taking testosterone it would be very helpful to see a medical doctor that has experience with the transgender community....female to male....and understands what it will do for you and the body changes that occur.

When my daughter started taking estrogen and progesterone it took about a month to start working on her. The relief was palpable. Her headaches went away within a week. But I can't emphasize enough how important a good medical doctor is. One who works with hormones.

Finally, look for people who are role models. There was a transgender man who was in the olympics. I think he was a long distance runner but Nike featured him in an advertisement. Isn't that cool?

You can find a way to make it work. You can. But make yourself happy first. Only then can you spread happiness to others.

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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24-08-2016, 04:01 PM
RE: Coming out + give me tips?
Thank you for your kind words dancefortwo. I am not taking hormones and am not playing to do that at the moment. My body already produces more testosteron than it should (as a female body) so I am good so far.

When it comes to doctors, I googled around a bit and found a doctor close to where I live who supposedly has experience with this. I checked the website of that clinic and it seems that they do have a lot to offer in terms of ressources and advice, so I will give them a shot and see how it goes. My main worry for example, once I get pregnant (well I do want a kid you know), I am afraid I might have to take hormones and I am afraid it might change me or something. My current doctor would NEVER EVER be open for a talk about this.

As for psychologist, I am not sure in what way it is supposed to help. I have been to therapy before (other reasons) for some reason it's not working for me. Long story short, I just prefer figuring things out by myself and once I am done, I feel more comfortable to bounce those ideas and finding off a person that I trust.

I have a role model so to say Wink Another FtM guy with a great youtube vlog and facebook page. When I need a confidence boost, I watch his videos!

Also I hope your daughter is well now. Did she recover from her mental problems after transitioning? For some people transitioning is the best way, I guess.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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25-08-2016, 07:22 AM
RE: Coming out + give me tips?
I had a trans professor in college (MtF). She was one of the best teachers I ever had (which has nothing to do with the trans thing, I just really liked her sense of humor and she was an excellent instructor). I remember when I found out she used to be a he, I was actually rather surprised. Anyway, so we went into her statistical thermodynamics class on the first day and we had been talking about this right before the class. In her first 5 minutes, she played the best troll move I have ever been witness to. She was discussing quantum mechanics and she says the line "so many things aren't what they seem...." and proceeded to turn her head and give the class a little grin and wink as if to say "I know what you are all thinking....." (Everyone in the class had the same thought, I know because we couldn't stop talking about it after class) I has such immense respect for her after that and it continued through grad school where she was on my thesis committee. Also, she loaned me The God Delusion later and we know where that went.

I guess the point is that she accepted who she was and had fun with it. After that first class, we were talking about it and it pretty much impressed all of us that she was not afraid to make us uncomfortable and still proud to be who she was.

I can't imagine what you are going through and have no real experience with it. All I can offer is that there are people who will like you for whoever you are and don't be ashamed to be you.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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05-09-2016, 01:43 PM
RE: Coming out + give me tips?
Ok, so I felt like giving a short update.

Today was my first day back at work. I had cut my hair a little (nothing extreme though, I do like long-ish hair), and was wearing one of my new shirts for work. Just with jeans and boots.

And all those of you who said, no one really looks anyway, you were right. I am happy to announce that I apparently drew no attention for my new appearance.

I did draw attention with all my coughing and blowing my nose though Dodgy

Actually went to Dunnes last weekend with my Mr and bought some shirts and he helped me pick too. I didn't want to go into the dressing rooms to try on because I felt weird to go into the men's while I have boobs and felt weird to go into the women's with men clothing. So now the shirts are a size too small and I wear them open. But that is no issue, first of all the look is nice with the shirt open and secondly with my new found freedom, I also feel that I want to take care of my body again and so I want to lose weight. Perfect, I will fit in the shirts perfectly soon.

Cheers

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
- Wotsefack?! -
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