Coming out to my boyfriend
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27-09-2014, 08:26 AM
Coming out to my boyfriend
Hey everyone,
I don't only want to come out to my conservative Christian boyfriend, I want him to realise God doesn't exist too.
He is well educated. He has studied medical science and is now in his first year doing medicine. The hardest thing is that he has held onto his belief throughout his 4 years of studies, all while surrounded by atheist friends.
How can someone possibly have done that? He isn't a creationist or anything but told me a month ago that he can't believe they are being taught that we all evolved from a single cell.
I study physics and am not big on biology so do you guys perhaps know why he would have this sort of mindset and how I should then approach him about atheism?
Jess
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27-09-2014, 08:39 AM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
That might be a tricky one to explain because very few people here have that mindset... but maybe some used to... so perhaps you'll get some advice.

Personally, I'm stunned that anyone can get that far into that field of study without being convinced by the evidence for evolution.

I mean, it's not like Sydney is the first place you think you when you think of religious indoctrination.

Perhaps you could get him to explain how he started his existence... a single cell maybe?

Is it the diversity of life or is it specifically the evolution of "we" humans that he has difficulty with?

If he does not hold to the creation hypothesis, does he have a better explanation?

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27-09-2014, 08:46 AM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
How long would you say it took you from asking your first questions about religion to discarding it? For most it is a long time and for him it could be many years or never. You can't expect other people to join you on this journey. All you can do is be honest about your own thinking and to help people pose questions to themselves that trigger the thinking they may have missed along the way.

Give me your argument in the form of a published paper, and then we can start to talk.
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27-09-2014, 08:55 AM
Re: RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
(27-09-2014 08:46 AM)Hafnof Wrote:  How long would you say it took you from asking your first questions about religion to discarding it? For most it is a long time and for him it could be many years or never. You can't expect other people to join you on this journey. All you can do is be honest about your own thinking and to help people pose questions to themselves that trigger the thinking they may have missed along the way.
Yes, I really like your last line of advice. I should respect his personal journey on the issue. Thank you wise sir.
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27-09-2014, 09:03 AM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
(27-09-2014 08:46 AM)Hafnof Wrote:  ...
for him it could be many years or never.
...

If that's the case, there are just two options...

If you can't change your boyfriend, then... change your boyfriend.

Drinking Beverage

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27-09-2014, 09:04 AM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
It's compartmentalized thinking. This box of ideas has no influence/impact/involve on that other box of ideas.

The southern US is full of doctors that praise Jesus. Facepalm

It's the whole reason we need the Secular Therapy Project.

You can't change his mind, only he can.

Learn the Socratic Method, don't be shy about pointing out shit he says that is blatantly false.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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27-09-2014, 04:29 PM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
(27-09-2014 08:26 AM)jessica1993 Wrote:  Hey everyone,
I don't only want to come out to my conservative Christian boyfriend, I want him to realise God doesn't exist too.
He is well educated. He has studied medical science and is now in his first year doing medicine. The hardest thing is that he has held onto his belief throughout his 4 years of studies, all while surrounded by atheist friends.
How can someone possibly have done that? He isn't a creationist or anything but told me a month ago that he can't believe they are being taught that we all evolved from a single cell.
I study physics and am not big on biology so do you guys perhaps know why he would have this sort of mindset and how I should then approach him about atheism?
Jess

Jess, you can't change him. Don't even try. Only he can change himself.
He doesn't have to be an atheist to be a good friend/ friend with benefits/boyfriend/husband and/or father.

The 'I have to fix him route' is just going to aggravate both parties.
You will have to tell him at some point but just explore first. Hang out, ask questions, read...
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28-09-2014, 06:17 PM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
If he doesn't know about your atheism yet, is there a chance he's hiding his own doubts from you to protect your relationship?

"While religions tell us next to nothing useful or true about the universe, they do tell us an enormous amount - perhaps an embarrassing amount - about ourselves, about what we value, fear and lust after." Iain M Banks
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28-09-2014, 07:53 PM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
Well, you have to let him be his own person, like you wish to be your own person. I'm a former Christian, and your bf's desire to follow faith, will never stem from a logical foundation. Faith is more about emotions, and personal experiences. It's always subjective in nature, and it is hard to 'talk someone out of his/her faith,' unless he/she is already questioning things on their own.

Now as far as you 'coming out' to him, I'd just simply do it. If he turns away from you over it, then...the relationships wasn't 'meant to be,' as they say. But, it's important to be open with someone whom you're in a relationship with. Hopefully, he will respect your views, and not try to change your mind, but I hope that you don't try to change his, either. My hope would be that by learning this about you, he will naturally wish to learn more. But, I wouldn't make it a point of contention.

We are far more than what we believe, or don't believe. There's so much more to what makes us whole, than being an atheist or theist. I wish you good luck with this whole thing.

Be true to yourself. Heart
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28-09-2014, 08:09 PM
Re: RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
(28-09-2014 06:17 PM)daylightisabadthing Wrote:  If he doesn't know about your atheism yet, is there a chance he's hiding his own doubts from you to protect your relationship?
He may possibly have doubts but the way he has spoken about his atheist friends proves he won't like the idea of me being one at all. But then again, I may be the only one that motivates him to start questioning, although i won't pressure it.
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