Coming out to my boyfriend
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28-09-2014, 08:15 PM
Re: RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
(28-09-2014 07:53 PM)Deidre32 Wrote:  Well, you have to let him be his own person, like you wish to be your own person. I'm a former Christian, and your bf's desire to follow faith, will never stem from a logical foundation. Faith is more about emotions, and personal experiences. It's always subjective in nature, and it is hard to 'talk someone out of his/her faith,' unless he/she is already questioning things on their own.

Now as far as you 'coming out' to him, I'd just simply do it. If he turns away from you over it, then...the relationships wasn't 'meant to be,' as they say. But, it's important to be open with someone whom you're in a relationship with. Hopefully, he will respect your views, and not try to change your mind, but I hope that you don't try to change his, either. My hope would be that by learning this about you, he will naturally wish to learn more. But, I wouldn't make it a point of contention.

We are far more than what we believe, or don't believe. There's so much more to what makes us whole, than being an atheist or theist. I wish you good luck with this whole thing.
This is very good advice I really appreciate it. I think the biggest problem is that I really want to be able to speak to him about my non belief as soon as possible but I guess now reading your advice, I realise it is not worth pressuring him for it.
I will probably just tell him, like you said, and hopefully that will just make him interested to find out more. I am positive we won't break up over it though and I can't wait to tell him.
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28-09-2014, 08:40 PM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
(28-09-2014 08:09 PM)jessica1993 Wrote:  
(28-09-2014 06:17 PM)daylightisabadthing Wrote:  If he doesn't know about your atheism yet, is there a chance he's hiding his own doubts from you to protect your relationship?
He may possibly have doubts but the way he has spoken about his atheist friends proves he won't like the idea of me being one at all. But then again, I may be the only one that motivates him to start questioning, although i won't pressure it.

I never thought I'd be an atheist. I was born into a Christian home, followed Christianity for most of my life...but then one day, I started doubting. Perhaps, doubted all along, but one day, I decided to explore those doubts. And here I am. But, he has to want to explore things himself...and you may just be a refreshing view of atheism for him. Good luck!
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29-09-2014, 11:01 AM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
I agree with others that have posted here. Don't try to change him directly. Honestly is always the best policy. However, be prepared that his initial reaction might not be very favorable, and that he may need a little time to process everything.
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29-09-2014, 02:27 PM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
To sum it up in a cold way (on this topic alone). Either
(1a. You have to be OKAY with him being a theist
AND
1b. He has to be OKAY with you being an atheist)
OR
2. You can live in an unhealthy relationship where you hide your true selves/thoughts/feelings/actions from each other.
OR
3. Take DLJs advice and find someone new.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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29-09-2014, 02:30 PM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
I agree with the others, I'm sort of going through the same thing but with my wife. Telling her that I was an atheist was such a relief for me, and she said it answered a lot of questions she had about me lately. 6 months later and we're still married and things are moving along.

It is important that your partner know this, just be open and honest. Try not to make his religion sound stupid! After you've told him let it drop, if he wants to know more just let him bring it up. That was my big problem in the beginning I kept bringing it up to my wife, hoping to convert her.

Also, it helps to let him know that it's not something that happened overnight. He should know that you've been this way for a while so he doesn't think you've "changed" on him.

RELIGION, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. - Ambrose Bierce (The Devil's Dictionary)
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29-09-2014, 06:08 PM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
Why not wait until he broaches the topic or speaks of religious teachings. A simple "I'd rather discuss this as we differ in our beliefs."
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29-09-2014, 06:16 PM
Coming out to my boyfriend
Hey everyone. I spoke to him last night. It did not go well. I have to choose now between being honest with myself and breaking up with him, or seeing our relationship for what it really is: a beautiful, strong relationship that is worth more than a difference in ideas. In that case, I would have to convince myself into Christianity for the sake of it. And it is very much an option. I think I will have to...

Jess
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29-09-2014, 07:01 PM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
(27-09-2014 08:26 AM)jessica1993 Wrote:  Hey everyone,
I don't only want to come out to my conservative Christian boyfriend, I want him to realise God doesn't exist too.
He is well educated. He has studied medical science and is now in his first year doing medicine. The hardest thing is that he has held onto his belief throughout his 4 years of studies, all while surrounded by atheist friends.
How can someone possibly have done that? He isn't a creationist or anything but told me a month ago that he can't believe they are being taught that we all evolved from a single cell.
I study physics and am not big on biology so do you guys perhaps know why he would have this sort of mindset and how I should then approach him about atheism?
Jess

He studies medicine but thinks evolution claims all life came from a single cell? That is as stupid as saying all clouds in our planet's history came from a single cloud.

There was not one first strand of DNA there was a climate that lead to multiple strands, just like multiple clouds will drop billions of raindrops at the same time

That does not change that all life started out as single CELLS as in plural. DNA proves that all life was related when you trace it back far enough.

Poetry by Brian37(poems by an atheist) Also on Facebook as BrianJames Rational Poet and Twitter Brianrrs37
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29-09-2014, 09:46 PM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
(29-09-2014 06:16 PM)jessica1993 Wrote:  Hey everyone. I spoke to him last night. It did not go well. I have to choose now between being honest with myself and breaking up with him, or seeing our relationship for what it really is: a beautiful, strong relationship that is worth more than a difference in ideas. In that case, I would have to convince myself into Christianity for the sake of it. And it is very much an option. I think I will have to...

Jess

Well good luck with that. Do you really think you can "convince yourself into christianity", or that you can live a lie for the sake of love?

I always say you do you. If that means living a lie, then I'm sincere when I tell you good luck with that. I hope that you will be happy in your decision. But do not take that decision lightly, you are still in a position to decide that you will be your own person and make your own decisions according to what you know is best for you.

If your relationship is that strong, then there is no reason he can't respect how you feel and want you to be who you are, whoever that might be no matter if it conflicts with what he believes.

Love means willingness to sacrifice, but that's a two way street. You need to understand that.

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
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30-09-2014, 10:18 AM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
(29-09-2014 06:16 PM)jessica1993 Wrote:  Hey everyone. I spoke to him last night. It did not go well. I have to choose now between being honest with myself and breaking up with him, or seeing our relationship for what it really is: a beautiful, strong relationship that is worth more than a difference in ideas. In that case, I would have to convince myself into Christianity for the sake of it. And it is very much an option. I think I will have to...

Jess
Well I was hoping that would not be the case. I must ask (perhaps I missed it earlier) how long have you been in this relationship? Because IMHO if you have to convince yourself to be something your not just for the sake of the relationship then I question just how beautiful and strong this relationship might be. Not trying to be offensive so please don't take that the wrong way.

A requirement for a relationship should never include being someone other than yourself. I personally have been down this road, I tried for years to be the good little theist for my ex when she became born again just to please her. (and yes she knew about my atheism) This worked well initially as she was happy so I thought I was happy, however; I could only keep the lie going for so long. It eventually led to depression on my part and infidelity on her part (oh the irony :lolSmile.

Be true to yourself if you really want to be happy. The last few years of my life have been the greatest and most fulfilling I have ever had. My children live with me almost full time and my professional and personal relationships have thrived. All because I was and from now on will always be true to myself.
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