Coming out to my boyfriend
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30-09-2014, 10:36 AM (This post was last modified: 30-09-2014 11:31 AM by Adrianime.)
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
(29-09-2014 06:16 PM)jessica1993 Wrote:  Hey everyone. I spoke to him last night. It did not go well. I have to choose now between being honest with myself and breaking up with him, or seeing our relationship for what it really is: a beautiful, strong relationship that is worth more than a difference in ideas. In that case, I would have to convince myself into Christianity for the sake of it. And it is very much an option. I think I will have to...

Jess
I'm sorry it went down like that. I'll try to be as nice as possible when I say this, but living a lie is a very unhealthy choice. I know the idea of being apart is terrifying, but the fact is, relationships are tough and most of them do fail. And it's the serious reasons that come out when you get really close to somebody that leads to this. The affection and good times are great. But people who can't align themselves financially, or sexually, or "spiritually" are going to have to make a decision on whether that alignment is more important than the current relationship.

It sounds like he is saying, "It is more important (to him) for us to be aligned spiritually, than for us to be in a relationship." Which is definitely a "reasonable" stance for somebody who deeply believes in a faith. But pretending? I mean, you don't even have kids as an excuse right now. You can be free to be yourself without being responsible for anybody else's wellbeing.

I can't stress hard enough to be true to yourself. It really bums me out to see somebody going down the road of an unhealthy relationship. IMO, it's this type of crap that leads to situational depression, abuse, and infidelity. If you can't be yourself at home, when the hell can you be?

And I don't care if you are an atheist or a bible believing Christian. But don't be one, pretending to be the other for the sake of others (with exception for cases when your well-being or the well-being of your children might be at stake).

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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30-09-2014, 11:16 AM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
(29-09-2014 06:16 PM)jessica1993 Wrote:  I would have to convince myself into Christianity for the sake of it.

I don't think it is possible to lie to yourself like that for very long and if you are pretending to be something you aren't then who exactly is in the relationship?

If you can agree to disagree, that's one thing. If not then you are cheating both yourself and him by being dishonest.

Atheism: it's not just for communists any more!
America July 4 1776 - November 8 2016 RIP
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30-09-2014, 11:49 AM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
There are more than a few of us here that are atheist that are married to believers, and some are in happy marriages. It's not a matter of who is right and who is wrong, it's a matter of acknowledging that each person must follow their own path. Every person gets the right to choose for themselves. We are more than atheist/theist, that is just one facet of our lives.

I'm sorry that you are compromising your own sense of self because of his insecurity.


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30-09-2014, 01:56 PM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
(29-09-2014 07:01 PM)Brian37 Wrote:  
(27-09-2014 08:26 AM)jessica1993 Wrote:  Hey everyone,
I don't only want to come out to my conservative Christian boyfriend, I want him to realise God doesn't exist too.
He is well educated. He has studied medical science and is now in his first year doing medicine. The hardest thing is that he has held onto his belief throughout his 4 years of studies, all while surrounded by atheist friends.
How can someone possibly have done that? He isn't a creationist or anything but told me a month ago that he can't believe they are being taught that we all evolved from a single cell.
I study physics and am not big on biology so do you guys perhaps know why he would have this sort of mindset and how I should then approach him about atheism?
Jess

He studies medicine but thinks evolution claims all life came from a single cell? That is as stupid as saying all clouds in our planet's history came from a single cloud.

There was not one first strand of DNA there was a climate that lead to multiple strands, just like multiple clouds will drop billions of raindrops at the same time

That does not change that all life started out as single CELLS as in plural. DNA proves that all life was related when you trace it back far enough.

Sorry, Brian, but it is almost certainly the case all life shares one single-celled organism as our common ancestor.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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30-09-2014, 01:58 PM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
(27-09-2014 08:26 AM)jessica1993 Wrote:  How can someone possibly have done that? He isn't a creationist or anything but told me a month ago that he can't believe they are being taught that we all evolved from a single cell.

You should point out to him that he himself started as a single cell.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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30-09-2014, 02:02 PM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
(29-09-2014 06:16 PM)jessica1993 Wrote:  Hey everyone. I spoke to him last night. It did not go well. I have to choose now between being honest with myself and breaking up with him, or seeing our relationship for what it really is: a beautiful, strong relationship that is worth more than a difference in ideas. In that case, I would have to convince myself into Christianity for the sake of it. And it is very much an option. I think I will have to...

Jess
If you have to lie to yourself and him to make the relationship work it is probably not worth it.
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11-10-2014, 12:23 AM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
Just an update to everyone. We broke it off and I am very happy to get on with my life Smile
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11-10-2014, 12:36 AM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
Well I'm happy you are being true to yourself at least. The future is full of possibilities!

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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13-10-2014, 10:52 AM
RE: Coming out to my boyfriend
I was just thinking about your situation, and I hope you are doing well.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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13-10-2014, 01:38 PM
Re: Coming out to my boyfriend
I appreciate your concern and I reeally am doing great. I've recently come out to my parents too and although they think it is a phase, they handled it really well and we have become closer in discussion as a result.
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