Confession # 2
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06-09-2013, 12:22 PM (This post was last modified: 06-09-2013 03:38 PM by BrokenQuill92.)
Confession # 2
I still blame my mother for my blindness. I spent six years on anti-psychotic drugs because of hallucinations from hydrocephalus. I was very sick but no one believed me. I vomited daily and had blinding, agonizing headaches. The doctors said I was bulimic and a hypochondriac. If I hadn't fainted in public one day in September I'm sure I would have died. Well actually the surgeon thought it was a miracle I went all those years with out any medical treatment. My ophthalmologist said that if I'd gotten treatment when I was younger, perhaps gotten the fluid off right away I'd still have sight. But as it stands there are no optic nerve replacement surgeries for someone with my amount of damage.
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06-09-2013, 06:26 PM
RE: Confession # 2
(06-09-2013 12:22 PM)BrokenQuill92 Wrote:  I still blame my mother for my blindness. I spent six years on anti-psychotic drugs because of hallucinations from hydrocephalus. I was very sick but no one believed me. I vomited daily and had blinding, agonizing headaches. The doctors said I was bulimic and a hypochondriac. If I hadn't fainted in public one day in September I'm sure I would have died. Well actually the surgeon thought it was a miracle I went all those years with out any medical treatment. My ophthalmologist said that if I'd gotten treatment when I was younger, perhaps gotten the fluid off right away I'd still have sight. But as it stands there are no optic nerve replacement surgeries for someone with my amount of damage.

Why you blame your mum? Sounds like the medical establishment failed you, not your mum. And there will be optic nerve replacement surgeries for the amount of damage you have in your lifetime, either that or stemcell nerve regeneration therapy, or both. Not sure which will happen first, but they will.

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07-09-2013, 05:16 AM
RE: Confession # 2
(06-09-2013 06:26 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  And there will be optic nerve replacement surgeries for the amount of damage you have in your lifetime, either that or stemcell nerve regeneration therapy, or both. Not sure which will happen first, but they will.

Yes, but in 'Merica, the question is always "Can you afford it?".

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18-09-2013, 01:48 AM
RE: Confession # 2
(07-09-2013 05:16 AM)ELK12695 Wrote:  
(06-09-2013 06:26 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  And there will be optic nerve replacement surgeries for the amount of damage you have in your lifetime, either that or stemcell nerve regeneration therapy, or both. Not sure which will happen first, but they will.

Yes, but in 'Merica, the question is always "Can you afford it?".

Well, from a society perspective the question should be; can we afford *not* to treat you... From a cost perspective a heavily disabled person is much more costly to handle and care for.

Oh, sorry, the Christian way is to pity you and then shove you to the way side as roadkill...
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18-09-2013, 06:58 AM
RE: Confession # 2
I'm afraid I don't have too much to add, but I too tend to blame my mother for a lot of my non-physical ailments. She isolated my brother and I from other children, so I blame her for my social inadequacies. She laid guilt trip after guilt trip on me so as to manipulate me into doing what she wanted. She made my father out to be an absolute asshole when I now believe he's a really admirable man (especially so to have stayed with her all these years), so I went through a lot of years seeing him as a villain of sort.

So I feel your pain. Hug

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18-09-2013, 09:23 AM
RE: Confession # 2
(18-09-2013 06:58 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  I'm afraid I don't have too much to add, but I too tend to blame my mother for a lot of my non-physical ailments. She isolated my brother and I from other children, so I blame her for my social inadequacies. She laid guilt trip after guilt trip on me so as to manipulate me into doing what she wanted. She made my father out to be an absolute asshole when I now believe he's a really admirable man (especially so to have stayed with her all these years), so I went through a lot of years seeing him as a villain of sort.

So I feel your pain. Hug

Seems like wasted energy sitting around placing blame all the time rather than spending it getting over it and moving on to live your life for you and in spite of her if you need to.

I have been there blaming blaming blaming. I can tell you the only person to blame if you never get over it is you.

Maybe she was wrong maybe she is at fault but problems don't get solved by assigning fault no matter how many people tell you otherwise. They get solved by saving the blame for later and using that energy to devise solutions in the now.

Don't give up and give into the emotion move on and find a way to heal what others have done.
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19-09-2013, 03:44 PM
RE: Confession # 2
(18-09-2013 09:23 AM)gall Wrote:  
(18-09-2013 06:58 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  I'm afraid I don't have too much to add, but I too tend to blame my mother for a lot of my non-physical ailments. She isolated my brother and I from other children, so I blame her for my social inadequacies. She laid guilt trip after guilt trip on me so as to manipulate me into doing what she wanted. She made my father out to be an absolute asshole when I now believe he's a really admirable man (especially so to have stayed with her all these years), so I went through a lot of years seeing him as a villain of sort.

So I feel your pain. Hug

Seems like wasted energy sitting around placing blame all the time rather than spending it getting over it and moving on to live your life for you and in spite of her if you need to.

I have been there blaming blaming blaming. I can tell you the only person to blame if you never get over it is you.

Maybe she was wrong maybe she is at fault but problems don't get solved by assigning fault no matter how many people tell you otherwise. They get solved by saving the blame for later and using that energy to devise solutions in the now.

Don't give up and give into the emotion move on and find a way to heal what others have done.

I certainly don't spend the majority of my time dwelling on the issue. Most of the time, I don't think of her at all. I just think that certain issues I deal with to this day tend to stem from the way she saw fit to raise us.

All parents make mistakes. I know I'm making them, have made them, and will continue to make them in the future. I guess I just get irritated with the way she seems to think that nothing she did could have possibly had any negative consequences for me. But I suppose she was following "God's way" and God is never wrong, right?

Anyway, I don't want to derail the thread, just wanted Broken to know that I can relate to her pain and that she is not alone in feeling angst toward her mother.

Plus, in the past I tended to let people off too easily, forgive too easily, and that's a sure way of getting taken advantage of, over and over again. I got tired of being taken advantage of. So inevitably a wall came up between my mother and me. That's all.

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19-09-2013, 04:03 PM
RE: Confession # 2
I am with Girly, you got some incompetent doctors. Life can be so cruel that way.

As far as the blaming goes - it's a recurrent theme in many types of recovery from trauma. Someone or something has to be held responsible. This is a normal human reaction. You need explanations, and you are angry. Anger is also a normal part of recovery.

This may be part of why people keep having gods - then you know who to blame, and since he works "in mysterious ways" there is likely some good going to come from your trauma. God is a bandaid for the horrible things that happen to us.

But, with both feet in the real world, you happened to have a horrible doctor. It's unfair, you didn't deserve it, and if anyone is to blame it's the doc.

And I agree - keep your ears peeled re. new advances in treatment. Your day will come.

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