Confessions: when will my deconversion be complete?
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10-11-2014, 02:06 PM
RE: Confessions: when will my deconversion be complete?
(10-11-2014 08:52 AM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  Many people have heard of angry and militant atheists, many of those people, who are so fierce in their criticism of religion, are those that were once "true" believers. They realized that were duped, lied to, coerced, brainwashed and now they are pissed. Many people go thru that 'stage' in their deconversion. Its like the rose colored glasses come all the way off. You begin to see not only was this god idea false, but you see the insiduous ways it has wormed into peoples lives. You see all of it.

If you listen to any of Seth's podcasts, have you heard the one on the good news club, it talks about the way they prey on children, and how they know if you make it to age 14-16 without being indoctrinated then you probably wont ever be a believer. What they do to children is child abuse, and I am sorry someone did that to you. Heart

Hug

Nailed it, and incidentally me Blush

"Belief is so often the death of reason" - Qyburn, Game of Thrones

"The Christian community continues to exist because the conclusions of the critical study of the Bible are largely withheld from them." -Hans Conzelmann (1915-1989)
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10-11-2014, 03:37 PM
RE: Confessions: when will my deconversion be complete?
Beautifully stated Deidre.

It took me a long time before I became comfortable with "atheist" or "agnostic"

There was a period of mourning and accepting a lot of things.

Hug


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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10-11-2014, 03:38 PM
RE: Confessions: when will my deconversion be complete?
(10-11-2014 09:18 AM)Nurse Wrote:  I'm right here with you on this. Hug It's been a really painful experience.

Sometimes, I go back to what if I'm wrong... And then I have to remind myself about how I figured out Christianity was wrong in the first place.

The terror from my fear of hell has been the hardest part to move past. During part of my deconversion I told myself that if god exists and he is just and loving, surely he wouldn't send me to hell for my lack of faith in a highly contradictory book written 2000 years ago. Why would he give me a brain if he didn't want me to use it? Some days are a circle with that thought process. What if I'm wrong? Why am I not wrong? Ok, I'm not wrong.....
I don't know if I'm making sense with this. It's just part of the cycle of abuse inflicted from religion. It is a VERY real fear, especially for those from a fundamental background.

I can't equate a loving god with our world and the bible. I just can't. I can almost equate an evil god with the world. While I would love to believe in an almighty god who loves me and that there's a heaven waiting for me when I die, I can't believe it anymore. That fruit of the tree of knowledge? Now that I've eaten from it there's no going back.

I think it would be easier for me if I didn't have to pretend all the time that I'm a Christian, if I didn't have to listen to it, if I could have a calm discussion about religion with my husband, and if I didn't have to witness the indoctrination of my son taking place. Hopefully, I can move past this once I get my feet on the ground and can be outspoken about my lack of belief - but I'm not going to hold my breath.

Ironically, this whole hell concept is what gets me angry now. This is the core of the Christian world view, it's fear and threats and I categorically reject it every time an echo of that fear goes through my mind.
It reminds me of one of the things I despise most about Christianity, the sheer gall of perpetuating a manipulative myth and the harm it generates is unconscionable.
If I was Thor, the first thing I would do is smite YHWH's sorry ass!

Gods derive their power from post-hoc rationalizations. -The Inquisition

Using the supernatural to explain events in your life is a failure of the intellect to comprehend the world around you. -The Inquisition
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11-11-2014, 07:41 AM
RE: Confessions: when will my deconversion be complete?
(10-11-2014 09:18 AM)Nurse Wrote:  I'm right here with you on this. Hug It's been a really painful experience.

Sometimes, I go back to what if I'm wrong... And then I have to remind myself about how I figured out Christianity was wrong in the first place.

The terror from my fear of hell has been the hardest part to move past. During part of my deconversion I told myself that if god exists and he is just and loving, surely he wouldn't send me to hell for my lack of faith in a highly contradictory book written 2000 years ago. Why would he give me a brain if he didn't want me to use it? Some days are a circle with that thought process. What if I'm wrong? Why am I not wrong? Ok, I'm not wrong.....
I don't know if I'm making sense with this. It's just part of the cycle of abuse inflicted from religion. It is a VERY real fear, especially for those from a fundamental background.

I can't equate a loving god with our world and the bible. I just can't. I can almost equate an evil god with the world. While I would love to believe in an almighty god who loves me and that there's a heaven waiting for me when I die, I can't believe it anymore. That fruit of the tree of knowledge? Now that I've eaten from it there's no going back.

I think it would be easier for me if I didn't have to pretend all the time that I'm a Christian, if I didn't have to listen to it, if I could have a calm discussion about religion with my husband, and if I didn't have to witness the indoctrination of my son taking place. Hopefully, I can move past this once I get my feet on the ground and can be outspoken about my lack of belief - but I'm not going to hold my breath.
Nurse, this hit home for me big time. ''Cycle of abuse,'' is exactly what I feel I've been in with religion. The self doubt, the lack of confidence in my own decision making, the ''unworthy'' feeling, the apologizing for nothing, etc...that is SO what this is about. I too have eaten from the tree of knowledge...reality, and to 'go back,' it would take me to go against my newfound principles and beliefs. Sort of like ending a toxic relationship with a live person, we have to accept that we had hope in something futile.

So happy you chimed in, you helped me so very much today. Hug

(10-11-2014 09:43 AM)The Polyglot Atheist Wrote:  @Nurse, I've also thought about that but then I think: There are thousands upon thousands of Gods, isn't it silly to worry about one hell, only because I was born in a place where that happens to be one of the major religions, if not the major one?

Besides, like you said if God exists and he's really all-loving, then I can trust his decision. Hell, (pun intended) I'm not all-loving and I wouldn't send anyone to hell!

@Deidre, there are some things I miss about believing, like the fact that death was not the end. I liked the idea that I would still continue to exist, somehow. But even if life is unfair, it's not comforting, and so on, I prefer to know that I'm being honest to myself. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe there's an afterlife, but I have to apply my skepticism.

Many people apply skepticism to everything, except their religion.

I hope you'll find that peace you're looking for.
''I'm not all loving and I wouldn't send anyone to hell.'' That is so poignant, you have no idea. I have often thought that the idea of an afterlife cheapens the value of this one. Which is why we don't see all that many Christians behaving in kind ways, because they are taught that on their deathbed, they can ask for forgiveness, and all will be fine. So, you can be a total a-hole throughout life to everyone around you, but poof...at the end of life, 'God' will forgive you. Many only care about the afterlife and saving their own asses, as opposed to living a good life here helping others...BECAUSE IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

Thank you for your reply. Heart

(10-11-2014 01:33 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  Indoctrination as a child is a very powerful and lasting thing.

You are not alone in how you feel. I have suffered greatly because of the psychological trauma perpetrated by my well meaning parents. So much so that even at my age, I went looking to find like-minded people to talk to and in some ways both to celebrate and commiserate the experience of deconversion, that's why I ended up here and why I stay.

I'm still angry and will probably remain so the rest of my life but that's the way the cookie crumbles.
I didn't know this. I'm sorry you are still angry. I would like to hear more...if you're willing to share. Hug
(10-11-2014 03:37 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  Beautifully stated Deidre.

It took me a long time before I became comfortable with "atheist" or "agnostic"

There was a period of mourning and accepting a lot of things.

Hug
TY moms Hug Heart

(10-11-2014 03:38 PM)TheInquisition Wrote:  
(10-11-2014 09:18 AM)Nurse Wrote:  I'm right here with you on this. Hug It's been a really painful experience.

Sometimes, I go back to what if I'm wrong... And then I have to remind myself about how I figured out Christianity was wrong in the first place.

The terror from my fear of hell has been the hardest part to move past. During part of my deconversion I told myself that if god exists and he is just and loving, surely he wouldn't send me to hell for my lack of faith in a highly contradictory book written 2000 years ago. Why would he give me a brain if he didn't want me to use it? Some days are a circle with that thought process. What if I'm wrong? Why am I not wrong? Ok, I'm not wrong.....
I don't know if I'm making sense with this. It's just part of the cycle of abuse inflicted from religion. It is a VERY real fear, especially for those from a fundamental background.

I can't equate a loving god with our world and the bible. I just can't. I can almost equate an evil god with the world. While I would love to believe in an almighty god who loves me and that there's a heaven waiting for me when I die, I can't believe it anymore. That fruit of the tree of knowledge? Now that I've eaten from it there's no going back.

I think it would be easier for me if I didn't have to pretend all the time that I'm a Christian, if I didn't have to listen to it, if I could have a calm discussion about religion with my husband, and if I didn't have to witness the indoctrination of my son taking place. Hopefully, I can move past this once I get my feet on the ground and can be outspoken about my lack of belief - but I'm not going to hold my breath.

Ironically, this whole hell concept is what gets me angry now. This is the core of the Christian world view, it's fear and threats and I categorically reject it every time an echo of that fear goes through my mind.
It reminds me of one of the things I despise most about Christianity, the sheer gall of perpetuating a manipulative myth and the harm it generates is unconscionable.
If I was Thor, the first thing I would do is smite YHWH's sorry ass!
I'm with ya! Laugh out load

Be true to yourself. Heart
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11-11-2014, 12:52 PM
RE: Confessions: when will my deconversion be complete?
One of the things that took me awhile to realize after I lost my faith was that religion was filling a need. I was a quiet, reserved kid who was bullied a lot in school and grew up believing that no girl would ever like me in a romantic way. For some reason, I had thought my parents would be disappointed in me for getting bullied so much so I kept it all bottled up inside. The emotional scarring that this situation caused brought a need for love and acceptance that religion eventually filled. I latched onto religion in my late teen years for all the wrong reasons. (Not that there's a right one. Tongue )

When my first serious girlfriend came along in college, the void that religion filled was suddenly filled by her instead. Between that and my beginning to think more critically in general due to certain college classes as well as just growing up, my faith slipped away fairly quickly. But it took years before I understood what happened to it.

That first girlfriend lasted only a few months, but it was too late, my faith was already gone. However, the void was back. So I too had a part of me not yet willing to let go. I still very much wanted there to be something real in the spiritual realm. So, I put my critical thinking on a shelf and got caught up in some new age woo because of a guy that I met on an internship that convinced me there was something to it. Although my interest in that waned a short time after the internship ended, I didn't fully let go of it for years. I still believed there was some truth in it, but I became too busy with other things to spend much time on it. It was probably a full 10 years later that I was finally comfortable with the idea that religion, magic, and miracles are nothing but fiction.

It was time that had brought about that eventual comfort. Time not practicing any woo. Time becoming comfortable with who I am. Time away from the indoctrination so that it could fade into nothingness. Time to fill the need I once had with more productive pursuits.

I now believe religion fills a need of one sort or another for everyone that believes in one. So when people leave their faith, it leaves a void that internally begs to be filled with something else. We grieve each in our own way until we readjust. It takes time, but you will get there. Yes

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11-11-2014, 01:20 PM
RE: Confessions: when will my deconversion be complete?
[Image: Gigan_hugs_megalon_by_drbuffalo-d6rucwe.jpg]

I have that feeling as well so don't feel bad.

[Image: Guilmon-41189.gif] https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOW_Ioi2wtuPa88FvBmnBgQ my youtube
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